Hi Guys
I'm new here, but not a new Atheist. Think I've been one since about High School. I live a country and suburb where people are very narrow minded about religion. My mother and father in law are both very hectic Christians and I don't know how to tell them that me and her son are both atheists. She often comes to our house plays gospel music from her phone for my daughter and then she will also sing along. She thinks that she has a wonderful voice when it's gospel music.
So, it's getting to a point where it's annoying. How do we tell her?
I also know that if and when we tell her, she will be totally broken and will probably cut us out or force her Christianity on us even more.
Suggestions?
Subscription Note:
Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.
Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.
Welcome!
Coming out to some folks isn't always the best choice to make. Do a 'cost benefit analysis' and then determine if it more beneficial or detrimental to come out to her.
Read Greta Christina's book about coming out. It has some helpful information in it.
There will always be people with god(s) around your daughter. If you teach her how to become a critical thinker, she will be fine.
I'd also encourage you not to out your husband to his mother. That's his call to make, not yours.
Wow, Yeah I can see how that could be annoying. I agree with CyberLN though Its kind of your husbands place to tell his mom about the whole atheism thing. Have you considered moving far away as an option, doing so can greatly reduce the frequency of in-law visits and make them more tolerable.. You could search for a great paying job that requires you guys have to move. Honestly I don't know enough about you situation but I will encourage the idea of teaching your kid about critical thinking. How old is your Daughter?
On the other hand Music is a great thing for developing children is your daughter into Disney at all? Does your daughter seem to enjoy the music? If she is having a good time with her gran then I would just endure it and when she gets older make sure she has learned to think critically. Having two open minded parents who know how to think critically goes a long way toward giving your child an open critical mind.
I share your dilemma. My mother in law guilt trips my husband every time there is a church meeting (3 times a week) and I hate going. He can't stand to hurt his mom's feelings, so he won't ever tell her if he can help it, an he drags me to church with him to save the lecture. I really want to come out to my family. I haven't seen my mom once when she didn't mention a bible study at some point in the conversation, and she always asks my opinion. I feel very strongly about lying, so I would never lie about my beliefs. I just always stay very vague and never say what I believe one way or the other. I would tell her if I could, but she talks to my husbands mom (we all go to the same church) and my husband thinks she would rat us out.
The main reason I want to come out is because my younger sister has doubts about religion too, and mom is doing everything possible to shove religion down her throat and make her believe. I feel like if I came out, my sister could stand up to the pressure my parents are putting on her. It's hard to weigh the pros and cons with this.
You can bet that if you came out fully to one in that religious circle, they would out you to the rest.
Can you come out to your sister privately?
I have considered it, but I'm not too sure I could trust her to keep it a secret even if I asked her not to tell. A while back her boyfriend told her he didn't believe in God and asked her not to tell my mom or me because he knew we believed. She told us anyway. If she would out her boyfriend age would probably out me. She and I both have always told our mom everything. It's hard to keep quiet about big stuff like that especially. And I would understand if she did tell mom, seeing as I'm about to die of anxiety wanting to tell her myself. I probably will eventually, just by hinting at it enough that they flat out ask me, and I won't lie about it.
I want to make sure that I'm getting this correct; You don't want to hurt their feelings, so lying to them is the only answer you have ?
What does this teach your daughter ?
You may think that she doesn't notice these things, but I assure you she sees everything.
Where are your priorities ?
Capt.Bobfm judgmental much?
I never said that we lie to them (I actually think that they know, but hate to admit it) and I'm also not against bible studies for my daughter. She must have all the knowledge of how Christianity works before she can make an educated decision of what she wants to do, like I did.
cyberLN I agree, that it's my husbands place to tell his mother. Things are also a bit hectic on their side, with his dad being diagnosed with intestinal cancer, so we also don't want to add extra stress for them. And this news will be a BIG extra stress.
Cancer sucks. I understand your hesitancy in coming out to them right now. Your concern is borne of human kindness and that's an admirable quality.