Heye everyonw, merry whatever
I wanted to check in. I've been doing a good job of staying off the internet and not searching shit. I've been triggered but I haven't gone googling. I'm on something to help me sleep, and I've been eatin at least one solid meal every day.
Mostly I'm working on not letting intrusive thoughts overcome me. I think a lot about what Logic here says, to remember that just because it is said or written down doesn't mean it's true.
I'm hanging in there y'all
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@ Mikhael
Well done. Good habits are learned. Have a happy Mithras Day! Sol Invictus!
It's not easy, like, at all. My brain has been back on Zeitoun lately and it's everything I can do to not want to be looking up stuff on yet another supposedly unexplainable Catholic miracle. I've kind of had to just take back my old fallback stance as someone who believes in the unexplained, if not necessarily Christian
@ Mikhael
Find a hobby. Anything, play football, fly a kite, go for a long walk, borrow a neighbours dog (with their permission of course) play solitaire, watch the Disney Channel (puke). You have to get a coping strategy going so, when these anxiety attacks start, you have a routine that snaps you into another mode.
You wouldn't walk into a dark alley with a knife wielding mugger in it would you? No. You would find another way to your destination, or not go out at all. Same same here.
Find that way around or stay indoors, whatever, but dont walk down the alley because that's a really really dumb thing to do.
Oh, and get yourself evaluated AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
Happy holidays Mikhael. I have to mirror Old Man's position, find something for a distraction. When I get stressed, I have a few activities that take my mind away from my immediate concerns and takes me to my "happy place".
Yesterday I was in a very interesting conversation with a Hindu friend. He was talking about a TV show about aliens and unexplained mysteries. I go to the core of the issue quickly, by first asking him if he believed they were possible, and then if they were probable. He replied yes to the first and I agreed. But when I asked him about such events as being probable, he immediately saw the flaw in his assumptions.
Just because something is possible, that is a far way from becoming probable.
I actually draw, a d really well. I need to get back to it instead of getting into the feeling that it doesn't matter because I'm going to hell.
I also talked to my wife today about what a been going on, cliffs notes version. I...hadnt told her because I didn't want her to worry or to trigger her own mental illness. It felt good to cry and get it out.
The thing is I never dealt with leaving Catholicism. I just went into paganism and shoved down all the "I don't knows". And right now I'm dealing with it.
I will never, ever have an answer to what exactly happened at Fatima that day, I'll never know 100% how the miracles at Lourdes works, I can't answer what made lights and smoke at Zeitoun. But I know i love my wife, and I can't imagine a world without her, and I wanna get better
You will, my friend.
Hey Pal, stay strong!
Thanks yall, really appreciating your support here
Hey everyone
Mornin s are the hardest. I have sleep issues so it's a time when my half asleep brain makes up stories. I'm reallt trying to stay strong. I keep thinking more about Zeitoun but I keep reminding myself that it happened 50 years ago, it's not possible for me to know what happened
Good to hear you are making progress Mikhael.
Keep reminding yourself that just because it is written down or someone told you something, that it does not make it real. We all know anyone is capable of lying, being tricked, or confused.
Have you always struggled with sleep? I used to, but now I sleep really well.
Step one: consistent schedule, go to sleep, in the same way every night around the same time, then 8 hours later wake up and get out of bed.
Step two: control intake of any sleep affecting drugs. Especially caffeine. But also moderate alcohol, lots of sugar, chocolate (that has caffeine in it.) And try not to eat anything at least 2 hours b4 you go to bed.
Step 3: Control lighting especially sunlight. You should, ideally, wake up a bit after dawn, but I am aware that is impossible for most folks, so instead, have a good eye mask that is comfortable, and good decent ear plugs if at all noisy. Also avoid blue light at night.
Step 4: Only use your bed for sleep. If struggling to fall asleep, get out of bed, go do something NOT mentally stimulating (IE NOT the internet.) I usually try to read textbooks or other work related things that I have already read before, my mind usually begs to sleep within a few minutes of that.
Step 5: Learn a few basic meditation techniques to clear the mind and help you fall asleep. (This is highly helpful for me personally) after some basic practice, most nights I can put myself to sleep for 6 hrs or more within 5 minutes almost every night. And if my sleep is interrupted, I can use it again to fall back asleep. My job can be highly stressful at times, a technique I had to learn.
Sleep is a super power, someone that constantly sleeps well usually has a fairly large advantage over his/her peers that do not.
Hey logic, you've been totally a huge help through this, ibrexite tour accident myself often!
I've been avoiding Google pretty well. I guess what gets me with all these light miracles in Egypt over the past 50 years is that there is photo and video. But it's so grainy and pixelated and honestly not convincing to look at.
Another thing that gets me is, I don't know how someone could produce or create these lights for a hoax...But i don't know a lot of things, there's plenty I don't understand, and it's botblike we can send Joe Nickells or James Randi into the past to examine these churches proves for chemical lights or smoke bombs! Just because I don't know how an illusion works doesn't mean it's magic
Thank you for the sleep advice. I can actually fall asleep fine, my problem is I tend to wake up a lot, often with nightmares. I have ptsd, and it's a pretty harsh symptom for me. I'm going to try some soothing white noise and changing my diet
I'm sad and hurting. I spent the day with friends which was great, but now I'm home alone and hurting. Why does Zeitoun haunt me? I'm not even coptic, I never was, and their church is fucking VILE. I would never join it, and all the photos are fake as he'll (no I haven't been googling I just know remember from when I was). Why aren't there more photos? Supposedly people from all over the world saw it but nobody had a color camera or a video camera in 1970? Out of hundreds of thousands of witnesses we have like 10 photos and they're crappy and easily faked? Why does an event from 50 years ago I will never know more about haunt me
Perhaps a better question might be: Why do you only get worked up over magical claims associated with Christianity/Catholicism?
The other religions have similar yet contradictory claims that don't seem to even register on your "religious compulsion" radar. It's almost like you've already decided on Catholicism; and are just trying to make it mesh with reality (a hopeless task, imo).
I guess because it has the most "claims", the most public and en masse ones? I even did try looking for big miracles from other religions and couldn't find anything that was the same level
But I've sworn off googling shit, that was about 5 weeks ago, and not relevant I know. I get caught up in claims and theatrics. But shit man if it was that fucking big a deal why is the coptic church still a minority. All these light shows happen in Egypt so how do we know it isn't Isis? XD
It might seem that way to you, but I assure you; the Catholic religious "miracles" are not new or unique. Anyone who was even remotely serious could find similar examples outside of Catholicism easily. In my experience, the only people who aren't capable of seeing that are Catholics.
While you might not be Catholic, you sure sound like one.
@Mikhael: A couple of thoughts come to mind in all of this. 1. The world does not owe you a good time. Life does not owe you an explanation. Happiness nor answers
are NOT something you get from life, they are things you bring to it. Happiness is not out there in the world, Answers are not out there in the world. If you think so, you have a basic misunderstanding of science. Science builds models based on the best possible understanding that we have at any point in time. It does not give us truth. It gives us predictability. Being happy it is a mental state which you facilitate. You can be happy at home or unhappy at home. You can be happy as you research Fatima and be amazed by the belief systems of others or you can be depressed. THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO DO IT. (YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.)
2. You SEEM TO BE happiest in your life when you are bitching about this problem or that problem. Your sense of fulfillment comes when someone takes you seriously and validates your position of woe in the very same way people not in your position feel validated when an opinion of theirs is supported by another. (Your response to these facts will be to turn to indignant anger at how no one can understand you or you will dive deeper into depression in the hopes of being rescued.)
3. The simple fact of the matter is that you have developed a range of coping skills that may have served you fine in the past but appear to be causing you problems as you begin exploring the world around you. One of the best things you can do for yourself is understand that YOU DO NOT KNOW. NOT KNOWING is exactly the place to be. You study your miracle bullshit for a hundred years and you will still be left in the exact same place.. NO ONE KNOWS. Asserting anything to be true when facts do not support the claim is asinine. Not even scientists make truth statements. They look at facts and build models to match the facts that are testable, measurable, repeatable and predictable. YOU ARE CHASING YOUR TAIL AND THEN COMPLAINING ABOUT GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES. Just stop chasing your tail.
Mikhael
STOP. Step away from the computer. Go outside, sniff the air. Take a walk. Think of flowers, making love to your wife, think of kittens.
If you carry on not helping yourself and bringing more and more discredited debunked shite to this forum you risk losing what little support you have left.
Get evaluated, get treated. and STOP with the google! I expect next post to hear how good your trans life is since your decision, how you liked watching kitten vids, how your friends celebrated with you and not one fucking word about religious shite.
CAPISCE?
You are absolutely right, it is entirely a bad coping mechanism that does not serve me well. I never had a support system or a way to feel assured and safe growing up, a d I push that into people now as an adult, seeking validation and comfort from people who do not owe it to me. I will be bringing this up to my therapist, and to the psychiatrist I am seeing soon. It's honestly an addiction in a way. Because it feels good to have that assurance for a while, but that endorphins peak doesn't last, and it's only perpetuating my issue.
Thats better,
Now think about kittens for the rest of the day.
Ok
Like this heckin chonker?
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Hahhahaah...yep exactly like that. You have a Happy, kittenful start to your New Year.....take care Mikhael.
There is an old computer phrase for programmers. "Garbage in / Garbage out." The shit you put into your brain is the same shit that comes out of your mouth. Stop shoving shit into your brain. Learn the laws of logic, the scientific method, listen to people who have reputable PhDs and peer reviewed papers. You live on a speck of dust in the Milky Way Galaxy which itself is just a grain of sand in all that is. There are real miracles out there. You don't need this fantasy shit. "You are what you eat." This goes for the physical food you put in your body as well as what you feed yourself mentally. MAKE BETTER CHOICES!
@Mikhael
Hey, maintain the positive as much as possible. The more you learn, the easier it gets. Have a great New Year, young man!
Happy New Year yall
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Oh, snap! That is one cool looking kitty!
Isn't she?? That's our Hei Hei, a complete banana split!
She is beautiful? And you are her slaves? ExcellenT!
Indeed, she is our most dainty princess, demander of chicken, possessor of the highest squeaks and fluffiest ruff. She's the most obnoxious light of my fucking life
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Oh a bit like my Captain Cat? Love him to pieces though.....and just for your emergence break glas I am going to google some shonky fucking miracle vids.....https://www.lovemeow.com/cat-cuddles-shy-kitten-rescued-2642609319.html?...
Every time you feel down or unsure click on this link.
@Mkhael
Hey, does your kitty have a strange aversion to the Batman symbol and walk around flipping a coin every time she needs to make a decision?... *chuckle*...
Dang, that is a pretty little feline.
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