My husband is very ill. He's been in the hospital for a week and will likely be there for some time. We are hoping he doesn't have to go on the transplant list, but just don't know yet. I'm getting a ton of folks telling me they will pray for him. The sense I get when they say that is that they are being caring and supportive. In an effort not to come off as rude, and not to have to engage in debate (just don't have a ton of energy for that right now), I've simply been saying, "thank you," and then move on. Part of me, though, feels like that's just such a lie.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say instead? How can I respond to that without starting WW3, without dismissing that they are being caring, and without faking that I think their prayer actually results in anything?
I want to stay true to myself, but I don't want to antagonize folks who think they are being supportive.
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Honestly their isn't much you can do at that point. You don't have to say thank you all you have to do is smile or nod your head and that should be fine. Besides that I don't really know what all you could do, I don't think you need the stress from debating right now either.
The way I look at it these people feel like they are in a situation where they really don't have anything they can do and want to help in any way they can, this makes them turn to prayer. Just as you don't think it, or likely wishing him well, will do anything, as you know, the old saying goes,"Its the thought that counts!"
Keep these people in mind though, I have my doubts and likely so do you but perhaps enough people hoping for ones wellness can have some effect, if they express this in prayer so be it. Also keep in mind, perhaps one of them could help you down the road. When I am in a situations where I am asked to pray for someone I give them my best wishes or wish them well. This often down the road lead them to asking people to send their best wishes and prayers. it is sometimes surprising how many people send best wishes rather than prayers when given the choice.
To me in your situation I take it for what it is, an expression of them trying do what little they can do to help even if it meaningless they are showing support, so this is what I thank them for when I say thanks.
I hope this all helps!
Best wishes..
I was extremely ill for probably half my life. I had tons of people say things like that to me, even had the hospital chaplain come into my room one day and talk to me for quite some time when the nurses told him they thought it was getting to me. I told them all the same thing: "Since it's the only thing you can do, go ahead and do it. It's not like it will do any harm." At least, that was my view on it.
Thank you for that is one I used when my father passed. There are atheist grief support groups CyberLN, I hope you utilize them. My condolences for your father and family.
You do have to kind of interject their intentions into their words. Praying for Christians is... what they do when they want to contribute but can't actually do anything to help. It's pretty much saying "I feel for your case and hope that it turns out well". As you mature up about these sorts of things you'll realize its not really an attack on your atheism so much as it is a bit of well-wishing from them to you. Trust me, if they are attacking your stance on religion, "I'll pray for you" only comes after some rather nasty words. So yeah... it's just the christian habit.
i remember reading this like a year back. http://www.the-brights.net/movement/toolbox/p4y/
The first few are truthful if you do feel that way yet very polite. The ones down the list (thank you, but not necessary) are better avoided when talking to people you don't want pushed away.
Zaphod is correct and I like his approach, thanking them for their support. They are trying to help ease the pain of the situation. Some may even bring you dinner or offer to help around the house. You don't need the stress of a debate added add.
Yep, I absolutely get the sense that they are being kind and providing what they see as help. That is why I won't get shitty with any of them.
Thanks to all for your input and wisdom! Despite what is going on in the debate forum right now, this community, sans the current rabid xtians, buoys me up.
Appreciate that a great deal.