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Please think about assertiveness training.
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Assertiveness.htm
Thank you @David Killens.
I really hope that helps. I once took assertiveness training, and it gave me the skill set to be able to deal with saying no politely, in being able to hold my ground without being offensive.
And being less uncomfortable doing such awkward tasks.
That is exactly what I could do with, especially at the moment.
Anxiety, especially when in confrontational situations, has always been my achilles heel.
I have been there, and I hope that helps.
@David Killens: Fogging, Negative Inquiry, Negative Assertion? I told my assertion training teacher that she was an idiot and that no one had the "RIGHT" to be heard. I told her she was WRONG and did not understand what was REAL in the world.
Up till that time I had menial jobs. I left home when I was 16. I flipped burgers, worked in warehouses, sold shoes, worked in a gas station, and had to support myself with minimum wage. Losing a job was never an option. People without options DO NOT HAVE CHOICES. Talk back to a boss and you find yourself out of work. Especially when that boss is a tyrannical asshole.
The idiot just sat there with her mouth open. I don't think her belief system had ever been challenged before. I told her that her class was useless and that she did not have the right to speak or be heard and then I stood up and left the office. I hope I gave the lady nightmares for the rest of her life.
Now that I am a professional with money in the bank, secure in myself and in my abilities, and articulate enough to present my opinion without offending (Yes I know how to do that.) I will be heard when I want to be heard. You step on my toe and I will say "Ouch!" It is my right to do so as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences of my actions. As long as you are willing to deal with the consequences of your actions, you can be as assertive as you like. One of the best lessons I have ever learned in life. Choose your battles wisely. When you go to battle, go to win but don't be so headstrong that you miss an opportunity for a truce if you see it.
I prefer the Verbal Judo stuff to any of the assertion training classes I have observed. Hope your class experience was better than mine. Ha ha ha ha.
@Assertive training. Your link came with a very appropriate warning.
"Warning:
Assertive behavior may not be appropriate in all workplaces. Some organizational and national cultures may prefer people to be passive and may view assertive behavior as rude or even offensive."
It may not be the thing you want to do with certain people either. My bottom line has always been.... If you are willing to pay the consequence, go ahead and engage the person. There are consequences for not engaging and consequences for engaging. Which can you live with? Not engaging is admitting that you are willing to live with the consequences as they are. There is no escaping the consequences. There is "FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. GIVING YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK FOR A GOOD DECISION! AND THEN LIVING WITH THAT DECISION. *UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR MIND AND YOU NEED GIVE NO REASON WHAT SO EVER FOR DOING IT.
Allow me to thank you all once again.
I met my mother last night and it went surprisingly well, considering my answer was not what she wanted.
She made it clear that she just wanted to give me the option, but respected my wishes.
I feel a lot less high strung and anxious now.
Thank you all again, the conversations and input certainly helped.
!excellent outcome for yu and baby! Well done you.
@TBW
Thank you for the update, little lady. And glad to hear the meeting went well. I know how difficult it can be having to confront parents like that. Good job in standing up for yourself. You did well.
Make sure you give your mother an extra hug, and never stop telling her you love her.
LOL - I am betting money she does it behind your back one of the times you leave the kids with her. Sorry! I am just a jaded asshole. I genuinely hope she respects your wishes. I've just heard one too many stories in my life. Congratulations on your firmness and setting clear boundaries. I know it took courage. Best wishes for the future.
@All - Fuck everyone on the site. I know I am getting the agrees, not for my "Best wishes for the future" comment but for the fact I admitted I was a "Jaded Asshole." You are all a bunch of "dicks." :-)
@Cog Re: "...but for the fact I admitted I was a "Jaded Asshole.""
I regret that I had but one "Agree" to give for your post.... *snicker*...
God!!!! I watched the video. There is so much I disagree with in assertive training. LOL Not saying it is not useful. Not saying one should not learn to be assertive. But .... you can throw all that "rights" crap, right out the window. It takes two people to have a conversation and if one of them is not interested, unwilling, or being aggressive "Do what I say or you are fired." the person trying to be assertive, regardless of any rights you think you might have, does not have a leg to stand on. I have seen a lot of these kinds of classes in my time and just have not liked any of them. (That's just my baggage. If you find them useful and you can put them into practice....... and of course..... they work for you....... then good for you! ) He he he he ..... They did not work for my assertiveness training teacher..... The Look On Her Face Was Priceless. She was just dumbfounded.
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