I am starting to become really frustrated with pretending to be Christian. I now see all the flaws and fallacies in what friends and family say when they talk about god. I try to be careful with what I say, trying to avoid directly saying "I believe," and also being careful with the questions I ask.
I've been considering coming out to my family and friends about my atheism, I just don't know how to go about doing this. If you have told your family, I would like to know how you did that and what reactions and responses you received. I don't want to be caught off guard with any of the responses I receive.
I want to be well prepared for this, I would like to know if there is any information or any particular arguments I should have a rebuttal for, if so, could you please recommend some good resources that I could access. Recently I've been watching a lot of Matt Dillahunty and have learnt a lot from him.
Something I will need to keep in mind when coming out as atheist is that my grandfather is currently getting his masters in theology, so I expect to get into many debates with him about this, I doubt I will get into many debates with the rest of my family. Because of this, I am kind of wary about how I go about coming out and what I should know before doing it.
I think this is something that is really important for me to do and I don't want to hide what I believe, or lack of, for much longer. Thanks in advance for any advice.
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I'm no expert on this subject at all. I have very few family and they have been accepting, they are pagans.
The Christian people have been pretty weird about it. I've noticed some have started talking about god more who had not really before. One commented that I look evil. Only one has asked a question and that was about abortion.
My boyfriend, Muslim, said he couldn't be with me if I didn't believe and has since then apologised.
Definitely expect that people will view you differently. It's like a shock to some.
I was not intending to "come out". I was just looking to connect with other atheists on some level and was commenting and liking things on facebook. Their algorithms did the outing. People noticed. So it was like a soft coming out.
No one has directly asked about it though, mostly passively aggressive comments.
Only one time in my life did I actually say to someone's face and proclaim I am an atheist and it was a liberating feeling.
I wish I had some good advice other than to expect people to view you differently. I have been a bit surprised by it because I've always been this way. But people have to process their idea of you in their minds differently and that is hard for some.
ETA - also... Someone I've known for over a decade contacted me and I knew they had a religious upbringing but did not know they were also an atheist all this time!!
Greta Christina wrote a book titled “Coming Out Atheist”. It might help.
The more you know, the more foolish religious ideas seem. You talked about Matt D. Notice that he steers all conversations to 1. What do you believe. 2. Why. Once he does that it is critical to stay on topic. Christians have this vocabulary that takes them into a hundred different issues at a time. They make one unfounded assertion and then back that assertion up with 5 more unfounded assertions. Note how Matt jumps in at the first unfounded assertion and makes that the topic of discussion. He prevents the theist from moving forward until that specific issue has been abandoned or shown to be fallacious. What the theists do is give you a shotgun approach to supporting their arguments. Look at some of the threads on the site and how Atheists break down each issue. Theists are continually trying to prove their unfounded assertions with greater and greater unfounded assertions. If you are going to call them on their errors, you have to recognize the assertion being made, focus on it, and keep them from moving on to the next unfounded assertion.
Knowing the basic fallacies of logic; shifting the goal posts, god of the gaps / appeal to ignorance, equivocation, black and white reasoning / false Dilemma, The Appeal to Authority, Appeal to popularity, Straw man, Slippery slope, and of course Ad Hominem.
Having knowledge of the Basic Theist apologetics is another good thing to know. "God of the Gaps, Ontological Argument, Transcendental argument (TAG), Cosmological argument (Kalam argument), Anthropic principle (fine-tuning argument), Argument from design.
This would be a good start. In the end..... wait until you are sure you are ready. There will be consequences. Some you will be able to predict and others will probably shock the hell out of you. Good Luck!
http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2011/12/27/responding-to-the-most-com...
All I can really say is good luck, you're braver than I am. When/if you do end up coming out, let us know how it goes.
Expect to be treated differently, and none of it will be positive.
Except from other folks identified as atheist ;)
Do you depend on your family for anything? They could disown you. Are you prepared for that?
Well, I'm not old enough to live on my own. I'm still in school. Are you suggesting I wait a few more years until I leave home? I'm just not sure if I can keep pretending for that long. They are trying to get me to become active in the church and I think just saying no will be suspicious.
But telling them you are an atheist will provoke a response. It may be as harsh as being disowned and thrown out of your house. I am not fooling, it has happened. So please, think everything through very carefully, and ask yourself if the worst happened, that you got disowned and kicked out of your house.
My suggestion is to keep your true thoughts under your hat and only come out when you have a very concrete plan .... in place ... if you have to find a place to live and a source of income.
If I was you I would wait and play along with them until I had a job and a place of my own.
If no one else will tell you to wait a few more years. I will. Timing is everything. A few more years of Church services is going to be a hell of a lot better than a few more years of family turmoil and being forced to attend Church services anyway. It's also a great lesson to learn how to get along with others in life. You are going to have Christian bosses and Christian co-workers. You are not going to be able to confront or run away.
I just started a new position at the university I work for. I am now the only English speaking counselor in the office. (It's a Korean University that has an international business school, so loads of English speaking students.) Anyway, I had settled into my desk, just developed a quick presentation on Culture Shock, and was sharing with the office manager. I guess she felt connected to me in some way because as I was going home that evening, she looked up from her desk and said. "God bless you!" Yes, I wanted to cringe, vomit, retort with some snide remark like - "Thank you, I will kill a chicken for you." Fact of the matter is, I am going to have to be there for a couple of years. It's a good job. I have to get along with the Christians.
You have a home. You have food. You have a TV, games, music, clothes and a whole lot more. You do not need to BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU.. It would be a mistake. IMO
I suggest that you begin keeping a journal. Vent in the journal. Write out your thoughts, share them with friends who know you well, and endure.
Here is a little parable.
There was a bird who decided that it did not want to fly south for the winter. All that flapping was just too much work and besides, how bad could a little snow possibly be? So when all the other birds flew south, he stayed behind.
At first it was great. He had his pick of all the worms. There was no competition for food. Life was great. Then it began to get colder and colder. There was no more food and the little bird grew too weak to fly south.
The weather got worse and worse and then it began to snow. The snow fell on the little birds back and it was heavy. His little legs got weaker and weaker and one day he simply fell from the tree and into a pile of snow. There he lay without the energy to move. He was sure he was going to freeze to death.
When suddenly, along came a cow. The cow took a shit and it landed on the little bird. The shit was warm and it warmed the little birds bones. Soon the little bird was able to move a bit and it hallowed out a small space for its self. As it did this it noticed bits of corn and oat in the walls of its new home. Food! The little bird filled its belly and was warm and happy. The pile of cow shit protected the little bird from the wind and the snow. It kept him warm and it provided him with food. The little bird made it though the winter.
When spring came and the sun began to shine, the snow melted and the smell of fresh grass and flowers were in the air. The bird tried to break its way out of the shit but it had hardened and the bird could not escape. It began to chirp. A fox heard the bird's chirping, dug into the shit, found the little bird and ate it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're surrounded by shit but having all your needs met, keep your mouth shut.
SOMETIMES THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE IS WHICH PROBLEM YOU WANT TO ENDURE.
Thanks for the advice, it has been really helpful.
Bravo! Nuff said!