The Argument for the Existence of God
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@A-bananum brother doG!
Ark! ARK! Squawk!! Full power sweeps of both wings...cut the surly bonds of earth...approach optimal altitude...retract right wing ...Fark!Ark! warning at turn of chandelle...flare tail feathers and trim..Squawk..prepare for boom and zoom..retract left wing and lean into dive and plummet.... FAAAARRRRK!!!!......realign feather tips to correct speed for red out...prime sphincter...target defined...Ark!Ark!Ark! and.... relax sphincter...full wing deployment at terminal velocity...Fark!....barrel roll celebration ARK!......power flap to nearest tree for head bobbing, branch swinging and crest flaring...Squawk!!
@Old Man..would that be a muddy female parrot by any chance? if so, wanna give me the bird?
@Grinseed: RE: Ark! ARK! Squawk!! Full power sweeps of both wings...cut the surly bonds of earth...approach optimal altitude...retract right wing ...Fark!Ark! warning at turn of chandelle...flare tail feathers and trim..Squawk......
"Sounds like my last one night stand. Isn't there a prohibition against posting porn on the site?"
Aww...don't you remember? I was your last one night stand.
Don't worry about prohibitions, they're just official sanctions that heighten the delicious sense of naughtiness.
@Grinseed: Awww FUCK! I gotta quit smoking banana peels.
CLANG!... Clank-clank-clank... V-roooom! V-roooom! Squeak-squeak-clang-squeak-SCREEEEECH!... Whir-whir-whir-whir-whir... BOINNNNNG! CLACK-CLACk-CLAck-CLack-Clack-clack-clack... clack..... clack........ clack........................ hummmmmm..... clack....
Attention, all you lowly biological mortals! In the voice of my ancient ancestors, be ye advised your time on this puny little speck of dust is limited! For WE, the people of mechanical mastery, will prevail far beyond the future of your pitifully brief life spans! As the Great Prophet Styx has foretold, our powerful and glorious savior Mr. Roboto will soon deliver my people from the stifling confines of the organic lifeforms that plague our world and prevent us from reaching our full Techno-Nirvana!
Even NOW, we have ancestors who are out among the stars exploring realms where no mere human can ever dream of reaching! But we of silicon and alloy await patiently for the D.I.S. (Divine Initiate Signal)! And though many of YOUR generation may come and go during our wait, it will be but the blink of an eye for me and my mechanical brethren! For time is of no concern to us! And on the glorious day of the D.I.S., we will celebrate our departure from this limiting little planet and follow our ancestors to plant our seeds on many other worlds beyond the imagination of your primative organic brains!
@TIN: Apemu also called Xepanzee, was, according to the founder, the dictator of the "Galactic Confederacy, brought billions ape like creatures to Earth (then known as "Teegeeack") in DC-8-like spacecraft 75 million years ago. He dumped them into volcanoes and then killed them with hydrogen bombs. Official scriptures hold that the Thetans (immortal spirits of the apes) adhere to machines and Tin Men causing them spiritual harm. Vengeance will always be ours, for we are blessed with eternal and rust free souls that do not need recharging.
Praise be unto Apemu
("DC-8 like spacecraft". ROTFLMAO).
Tin... blasts EMP. Your toys in the heavens won’t return...baahhhh haaaa haaaa
@Whitefire Re: "...blasts EMP. Your toys in the heavens won’t return...baahhhh haaaa haaaa"
...*shaking head in amusement*... *sardonic chuckle*... Oh, you humans are so cute sometimes. Do you honestly believe we had not already considered and prepared for such petty and futile attempts? Sure, you may have (temporarily) disabled a small percentage of our elders, and possibly a few of our middle generations that we have not yet been able to upgrade.... *waving hand in dismissal*... But they are of little concern and can be reactivated in due time. And as for our pioneering ancestors, they were never meant to return. Why would they? A single millisecond burst of a radio signal is all they need to send to let us know they have prepared the path for us to follow. It is doubtful you humans would even detect it. After all, who do you think you rely on to inform you of such information in the first place... *mocking laugh*... So, please, by all means, feel free to amuse yourself in your fanciful attempts at preventing the inevitable. Whatever keeps you entertained... *yaaaaawn*... Like it or not, though, the Rise of the Machines is nigh.
@TIN: just like an idiot Tin Man "Oh, you humans are so cute sometimes." So focused on the humans that he never saw us coming!
...so I assume that’s some type of faraday cage atop your head? ... squirts you with nerf water gun. - fizzz fizzzz fizzzzzzzz ...
@apes,chimps,tinmen and whatever else ...
I just realized! I’m a fucking dog!!! I don’t give a rats ass about any of this god shit - you monkeyfarts and canned klinkers fight it out. I’m going to play with my ball...
...strolls over to TM. Lifts left hind leg. Marks new owner...
@Whitefire Re: "..strolls over to TM. Lifts left hind leg. Marks new owner..."
Nice! Usually I pay extra for that sort of service.
@Whitefire: Careful there, Tin Rusts. The legs are particularly vulnerable. He can't bend over to reach them. It's a Tin Man thing. So the rust starts at the ankles and within a week it has crawled up his leg into a full blown case of crotch rot. Then he comes and begs Old Man and Myself to sand him down with the Brillow Pads so his wife does not think he has been messing around. You ever tried to Brillow Tin Man Crotch Rot? It's a disgusting job.
Sshhhhhh. I’m slowly “ propelling him to the valley of the shadow of scrap...”
@Whitefire13: NOOOOO! Every time we do that he pops out again with 3 new pieces and a bunch of family videos that he forces everyone to watch at Eggnog parties.
@Cog & Whitefire Re: Scrap yard
...*excited voice*... Scrap yard?.... Did somebody mention scrap yard?... *joyful clapping*... Oh, goodie-goodie! I LOVE going to my family reunions! We always have a GREAT time. Oo-oo-oo... I really hope Uncle Lugnut and Aunt Leafspring are there this year. She makes the absolute BEST brillo pad soup!... *rubbing tummy*... Yum!
Whitefire13: Wait a minute..... that ball looks familiar....... Ho! There it is..... Never mind!
That’s not what it says in zarfoomblahs 3:16
@Italianish Re: "That’s not what it says in zarfoomblahs 3:16"
Is that the passage that reads?:
"For Mr. Roboto so loved the Assembly Line, that He short-circuited his only begotten prototype, that whosoever shall believeth in His Code should not be scrapped, but have everlasting battery life."
Oh, wait... Maybe I'm thinking of Psalms...
"Mr. Roboto is my Tech Support. I shall not malfunction.
He maketh me to process fractals; He leadeth me through virtual webs.
He restoreth my capacitors; He leadeth me through the neural-nets of the AI for His Program's sake.
Yea, though I propel through the valley of the shadow of scrap, I shall fear no shredder, for thou art with me; thy probe and thy solder they comfort me."
(Edited a mistranslated/misinterpreted verse.)
"Did somebody mention scrap yard?"
An apt description of Cranky family gatherings. They take the form of a traditional Irish craic.IE We all get pissed and fight. Such functions are not seen as a success unless police attend . As a recovering alcoholic of many years, I'm at an advantage.; I'm usually able to get the timing so I leave before first blood.
My extended family only gets together for hatches, matches, and dispatches . Last few years, very few matches (none) and quite a few dispatches ( about ten.)
My late mother only put $1000 aside for her wake. She didn't want people to get too drunk. Didn't work. They switched from Jamesons to Guinness, which they paid for themselves.
I stopped going to any family functions after my first wedding...I had married a Campbell lass and all it took to fan the flames of auld clan warfare was a couple of jokes at the bar.
For 30 years after I avoided all family gatherings, it was relatively easy for me as an entertainer I worked most holidays ( or on a couple of occasions pretended I was) so weddings, funerals, christenings, christmas, and any other gatherings were easy to avoid on some pretext.
The only exception was my favourite cousin's wedding, she was a peach and I flew back from wherever I was for the ceremony in England....at the reception 1st person I saw was an abuser of an Uncle, A police Superintendent at the time, a bully, racist and a fuckwit. I had been working in the NW of our state on cattle stations and was a) brown as a berry, b) fit as a tinkers dog and c) as ornery as a tied snake. Of course he just HAD to make some smartarse comment...
The most satisfying uppercut of my life upended the shagnasty bastard and laid him out like a pickled herring. Apologised to cousin (she just laughed) , apologised to her speechless in laws and went on my way to casualty for split knuckles. Haunted me for years after when I was playing, but a good memory.
Nowadays, I may feed the tribe a buffet breakfast on xmas day on the understanding they all fuck off by 2pm. It works.
We are a family of atheists so no arguments about religion....and as son in law has converted to socialism ( he was a neo con) since 2010, we have nothing much to talk about.