crazy bachmann

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xenoview's picture
crazy bachmann

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Cognostic's picture
Give up porn and masturbation

Give up porn and masturbation??? Are you fucking shitting me? Next she will go after the bacon!! Okay, seriously here, what kind of a person avoids the filthy depraved act of masturbation? I've always wondered, if anointing oil is used as the lubricant and you clean everything up with holy water, can you still get into heaven?

Tin-Man's picture
@Cog Re: "I've always

@Cog Re: "I've always wondered, if anointing oil is used as the lubricant and you clean everything up with holy water, can you still get into heaven?"

Well, only one way to find out... *digging through bathroom drawer*... Let's seeeee.... Ah! Yes! Here's the holy water. Now, where the hell did I put that annointing oil?... *continues digging through drawer*....

algebe's picture
@Tin-Man: if anointing oil is

@Tin-Man: if anointing oil is used as the lubricant

You mean Evan-Jelly?

Calilasseia's picture
Oh dear, Michele Bachmann is

Oh dear, Michele Bachmann is attention whoring again, to make up for the fact that her husband is a raving queen and prefers dick to pussy, even if he can't admit it in public.

She has a voice that makes nails on a blackboard sound melodious in comparison, and a facial aspect that suggests strongly an imminent need for haloperidol. It's pretty obvious that struggling to be the dutiful Stepford Wife in order to be acceptable to the GOP, is having a more lethal effect on her remaining neurons than Creuzfeldt-Jakob Disease. She's become the sort of hollowed-out shell that is the inevitable result of circulating among right wing fundagelicals in anything other than a satirical capacity.

Bear in mind that she became a full-bore theocrat at the age of 23. She'd have inflicted less damage upon her brain if she'd been dual mainlining cocaine and meth.

Sheldon's picture
"Bachmann: God Will End

"Bachmann: God Will End Coronavirus If We Give Up Porn, Masturbation"

I'm self isolating, on my own, in the middle of an expensive acrimonious divorce, so I will choose my words carefully.


What is with the religious, and their relentless objections to other people enjoying themselves?

boomer47's picture


"What is with the religious, and their relentless objections to other people enjoying themselves?"

Not all of 'em I can assure you. My chronically catholic parents had no catholic friends, and really knew how to have a good time. My dad was adamant that a bloke was not drunk until he fell down.

The local methodists were very different animals: They were against sex. This was based on the belief that sex may lead to dancing-- these guardians of morality always had dour expressions. That because of the suspicion that somewhere someone might be having a good time.

---We had a methodist wowser as State Premiere (Governor) for 29 continuous years. During his tenure, pubs closed at 6pm. The city closed on Sundays; no cafes, restaurants, pubs or even amateur sporting events. Until about 1964, Adelaide was like the dark side of the moon as a place to live.

My dad would bring home a couple of extra long necks on Friday night. Sunday morning, after mass he and mum would load we two kids onto their bikes***, with the beer. They would then cycle a couple of miles to one of Dad's war buddies. Home at 1-ish


*** Mum got her first fridge when I was six in 1953. Dad got his first car in 1960 . A black 1938 Nash. . I got my first car in 1970, 24 hours after arriving home from my Singapore army posting. .

ilovechloe's picture
I had never heard of this

I had never heard of this Bachman before. I think somebody must be stalking her & fucking with her brain.

Ring ring: hello, this is Bachman

Caller: This is god

Bachman: oh so glad you called god. why are you breathing so heavily

Caller: i have a message for you. its about the corona virus

Bachman: what about the corona virus god

Caller: I have created the corona virus as punishment for sexual immorality

Bachman: Oh god. you must have seen me masturbating last night while i was watching porn. I'm so sorry god. I will stop doing it. Im so sorry. I feel so dirty now. Not only will i stop doing it, i am going to tell everybody else to stop.

Caller: only when everybody stops will this corona virus end

Bachman: Oh thank you god. You are so full of love & compassion. I love you god. God is so great!

Caller: next time keep your curtains closed. I dont want my son seeing your big hairy gash again, & cumming all over the carpet. Costs a fortune to get cleaned.

Bachman: yes god of course. Im so sorry jesus saw me through the open curtains. dont worry god, i will tithe extra when i go to church next

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