I am an atheist mother of adult Muslim children. I wonder if there others out there. I’ve been thrilled and inspired listening to podcasts and reading accounts of young adult atheists with still religious parents. There are resources for atheists parents raising young and teenage children. But there is a paucity of examples of formerly religious parents who are now atheist after raising their children with a religion. I’d like to chat, but wonder if it would be a soliloquy.
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Kafir Mama
How long have you been an Atheist? How long have your children been religious?
Xenoview,
I've been an out of the closet atheist for about 18 months. Before that I was a reluctant agnostic for my entire life. I’m 60 years old. As a child I always envied my Jewish and Christian friends and tried to get my atheist parents to join a religion, but they wouldn’t have it.
In middle school I joined a Christian group, but I just couldn’t get it. In college I gave religion another crack by church hopping on Sundays, but still didn’t get it and reluctantly gave up on religion. Religion seemed like a beautiful bell that was played at a frequency I just couldn’t hear.
I married a Muslim and was very happy that our children would be raised with a religion, they would be able to tune into that frequency, hear that beautiful bell that I was unable to hear. I wholeheartedly and unquestionably supported my children’s Muslim indoctrination. I reminded them to pray, pressured their father to take them to the mosque (He was/is a practicing Muslim but he was never keen on going to the mosque), got up before dawn to fix breakfast during Ramadan. Then I started having second thoughts after September 11, 2001.
Uneasy thoughts about Islam crept into my mind. I tried to keep them at bay with repeating the: “Islam is a religion of peace.” “Terrorism has nothing to do with Islam” mantras. But events didn’t corroborate those mantras. Finally, I read the Quran. Yes, I had not read the Quran up until that point and yet had encouraged and facilitated my children’s upbringing in a religion I essentially knew nothing about. Not dissimilar to a parent dropping off a young child at a day care center and driving away not bothering to even get out of the car and check the place out. I imagine you’re shaking your head at my foolishness. I don’t know how to explain it. I really thought I was doing them a favor.
Well, the jig was up as soon as I started reading the Quran. I became an atheist before finishing the first surah (chapter). Xenoview, you just asked two little question and I’ve gone on and on; but I thought it might be useful to spark a conversation if anyone else is reading this. In answer to your second question of how long my children have been religious: all their lives and they are adults now. How about you? What is your story?
Kafir Mama
I started out being religious as a child, was christian up until 15 years old. I read the bible cover to cover and stopped being a christian. Then I became a wiccan/pagan, looking for the right fit to religion. I thought I had found the right fit as a pagan. Then I started to question paganism like I did christianity, and stopped being a pagan. Then I sat on the bench for a couple of years as an agnostic. During that time I started questioning if there were any gods at all, that was when I became an Atheist. I never force my children to be religious, let them to choose that on their own. Three of my children are christians, the four is questioning religion. I hope my oldest child becomes an Atheist soon.
Kafir Mama, it was very sad to hear about your story that you are an atheist and your children came out to be religious. While I thought I am late since my son is only 1 and half years old. It gives me more hope and courage to take my son to the right path.
Desi,
Oh, absolutely you are not too late! Your son is only 18 months old. He’s lucky to have such a thoughtful parent. I didn’t know it when my children were young, unfortunately, but I now see indoctrinating children into a religion as analogous to tattooing a child. It would be wrong for a tattooed adult to tattoo a child. But most people see nothing wrong with a religious adult brainwashing a child. Fortunately, you can remove tattoos and leave a religion; but it's not easy and often involves some pain whether physical or psychological and sometimes both.
You wrote that you were sad to hear about atheist me with Muslim children. No need for sadness. My children are happy, successful adults. And more importantly they are kindhearted, ethical, and loving. But they are kindhearted, ethical, and loving despite their religion, not because of it.
Hi Kafir Mama,
You and your parents are indeed very rare (to me at least) I don't know too many Adult middle eastern Atheists. Especially one's that represent your generations. It's a pleasure to meet you. If there is an Atheist Republic Consulate that represents your area, you may find similar people there as well as here.
http://www.atheistrepublic.com/consulates
SecularSon…,
Thanks for the link. Indeed, Adult Middle Eastern Atheists are rare as far as I can tell too. Alas, my parents and I are not examples. I grew up in the US. My husband is from the Middle East and we lived in Saudi Arabia while our children were young. Where I found I was unusual was in my marriage. In Saudi there were loads of mixed (Western wife married to Muslim husband) but they all were either a westernized couple or uber Muslims (wife converted to Islam). The latter was more common. My husband and didn’t fit either group. He stayed Muslim and I never converted.