I don't remember who mentioned this but I thought it was in response to the following video. It wasn't but the video is great for a "daddy thread" anyway.
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Son: (whining and crying) Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I don't like going around in circles!
Daddy: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
That looked exactly like something I did to one of my daughters.
***whiping away tears*** ***holding side in pain***
Now I gotta change my Depends...
rmfr
Out of my respect for good hearted really funny dads everywhere I refuse to add to this demeaning thread...oh wait...oh damn!
Son: Why did you and mum name my sister Teresa?
Dad: It was your mums choice, she wanted to name our children after things she really loves... Teresa is an anagram of Easter, she loves Easter.
Son: Thanks for the explanation dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
LOL: I'm using it on Sunday when I go hiking with my friends.
HAH!
Took me a bit to figure out what Alan is an anagram for.
The next question the son should ask is "who named me? Dad or mom? Or was it mutual?
Young Indian boy: Father, why are you called Stalking Wolf?
Father: Because on day I was born, my father stepped out from tent and looked to the woods. The first thing he saw a cunning wolf stalking its prey. So he named me Stalking Wolf.
Boy: I see. Father, why is Mother called Soaring Eagle?
Father: On day your mother was born, her father stepped out from tent and looked to the sky. The first thing he saw was a majestic eagle soaring above him. So he named your mother Soaring Eagle.
Boy: And why do we call my brother Running Bear?
Father: Because on day your brother was born, I stepped out of tent and the first thing I saw was powerful brown bear running across the plain. So I named your brother Running Bear.
Tell me, why do you ask these questions, Two Dogs Fucking?
Thanks so much for defining the word plentiful.... It means a lot.
@WCH Re: "Thanks so much for defining the word plentiful.... It means a lot."
...*throwing rotten vegetables toward stage*.... BOOOOOO!.... Hissssss!.... BOOOO!... That was horrible!... *calling toward the club manager*... Trow da bum out!... *hurling more vegetables at stage*....
@Tin-Man
Okay I'm slowly walking off the stage... I can hear just one person clapping, then I remembered I'm wearing flip flops.
3 Daddies walk into a bar.
The Bartender says...
"This is one of those Daddy jokes, right?"
@Cog Re: "3 Daddies walk into a bar."
...*looking around table in disappointment*... Shit, I'm out of rotten vegetables. Hey! Workingclasshero! Before you leave the stage, kick some of those vegetables back down here so I can throw them at Cog!
i like vegetables, especially bananas.
Banana is a fruit.
One thing my wife said to me once.
"You know, besides calling you a daddy, there is another thing I can call you that is true. I can now call you a Mother F**ker."
rmfr
@Arakish: HA HAAAAAAA! I knew I would catch someone on that! You humans don't know your bananas. "That’s right — a banana plant is technically a large herb, distantly related to ginger. It is considered an herb in botanical terms because it never forms a woody stem the way a tree does. Rather, it forms a succulent stalk, or pseudostem.
The pseudostem begins as a small shoot from an underground rhizome called a corm. It grows upward as a single stalk with a tight spiral of leaf sheaths wrapped around it. Banana leaves are simply extensions of the sheaths."
Read more at https://www.gardenbetty.com/a-banana-plant-is-an-herb-or-little-known-ba...
...and its such a Comfort that they fit naturally in your hand, pre-packaged and ready to eat, just as if they had been designed, intelligently.
@Grinseed: Wombat poo? How did we get on wombat poo?
Attachments
Attach Image/Video?:
@ Cog
Wombat poo? Who wouldn't mention wombat poo?
I love wombat poo. Sprinkle them with dessicated coconut and they're just like lamingtons...with a stronger taste.
Yep. Never mind that bananas turn brown and yucky after like, 15 minutes out of the peel, and that ironically, we had to do the intelligent designing to get rid of those inedible seeds that occupy most of a wild banana's interior.
And herbs bear fruit, not veggies. That is why a tomato is actually a fruit
rmfr
Daddy Daddy, Johnny set the cat on fire and he won't give me any of the marshmallows.
Apologies in advance for this one.....
What's the difference between a Christian woman and a Muslim woman?
A Christian woman gets stoned before committing adultery.
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and RIGHT!" (Think about it.... no sense of direction.)
"My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me..."
What did the daddy buffalo say to his son after dropping him off at school? "Bison!"
Way better than hurling your kids into the lake to teach them to swim.
Son: ...*whining*... Daddy! I don't want to play moo-cow any more!
Dad: Shut up and keep eating! You still have half the yard left to mow.
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "Every morning, my father gets up, and starts banging on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
It's been raining here all day. My wife hates the rain, she looks so sad just standing there looking through the window.
Should I let her back in?
LMFAO... pulling his daughter along so that she ended up using her butt to wipe the floor instead of the cloth...
(Edited to fix grammar error.)
Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
If anyone here believes in Telekinesis... Raise my hand.
And a dad joke because it's 10 past 11... Why has Santa got an enormous sack?
He only comes once a year....
God: "I want you to go down there and let them torture and kill you."
Jesus: "Is this a Dad joke?"
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