Dating as an Atheist

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The_Hyphenator's picture
Dating as an Atheist

So my marriage of 5 years is ending (nobody's fault; our own unaddressed personal issues grew until they drove a wedge between us), and I'm about to find myself on the market for the first time in over a decade. While that's obviously intimidating for many reasons, one major one that's been bugging me is that I'm an atheist living in Oklahoma, and it's more than a little depressing to skim through dating profiles and see almost nothing but "Christian" listed in the "religious views" field.

Understand, I don't have a problem with the notion of dating a non-atheist, provided she understands and respects that I'm not going to convert and I won't a participant in religious ceremonies and events, it's just hard enough to meet new people without worrying whether someone is "Christian" or "CHRISTIAN!!!", if you get my drift.

Anyone else here in a similar situation, past or present? Any helpful tips or amusing anecdotes?

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xenoview's picture
This website came up on my

This website came up on my search for atheist dating.

ProgrammingGodJordan's picture
I somewhat know the feels...

I somewhat know the feels...
Christian chicks in their nice suits are just not worth the effort

Edit: Xenoview, those questionnaires though

Pitar's picture
I'm married 30+ years to a

I'm married 30+ years to a believer. It's tenuous. Good things are because she prays. Bad things are because I don't. Really stupid but I get passed it.

You need to move. I know that's about as simplistic a thought as can be offered but it's a must do. GTFOOT! Find a job elsewhere that isn't defecating religion and begin anew.

The_Hyphenator's picture
Sound advice, Pitar, but I

Sound advice, Pitar, but I can't really put it into practice right now. A move out of state just isn't in the cards for me, financially-speaking. Plus I'm just plain stubborn, and I don't like letting narrow-minded pricks have their way.

I'm actually looking at an atheist dating site already, Xenoview, but I'll give that link a look too. Still, I feel kind of dirty resorting to an atheist dating service. I always mock those Christian Mingle ads when I see them, feels hypocritical to indulge in such measures myself. Though in fairness, it's harder to meet other atheists than other Christians.

LogicFTW's picture
I find most christian's are

I find most christian's are christian only in name, as soon as you get out of the bible belt and rural America. I would not be surprised if quite a few of the women on the dating site put christian because that's what they always do when that question comes up, and they do not really consider it. Some dating sites also put a scale on how strongly religious they are, might be worth checking those out.

Wednesday Addams's picture
I'd definitely check out any

I'd definitely check out any kind of site or app for atheist singles. There's gotta be something out there! I couldn't veer away from my checklist when I dated. I'm too political and will argue until my eyes bleed. So a liberal atheist/agnostic was a must. But I was in NYC then, so it was easy to find.

Although, I went on one date with a guy who insisted on meeting my parents the first night. I was home for the summer from College. He told my Dad that I need a strong man in my life to make decisions, and for me to obey (like in the bible). My Dad laughed and said "You obviously don't know my daughter!"

The_Hyphenator's picture
Wow, Wednesday! How'd you end

Wow, Wednesday! How'd you end up on THAT date? I've had seemingly-normal people blindside me with loony viewpoints before, but that one takes the cake! I'm much the same way; I'm very passionate about my beliefs and the things I hold dear. I wouldn't last one minute in a relationship with a fervent Republican. But a lot of the self-identified Christians I'm friends with are really more humanists at heart; that kind of "Christian" I could see myself getting along with in a relationship.

Thanks for the tip, FTW. I'll look for sites that have that as a feature.

Wednesday Addams's picture
I went to this play that

I went to this play that interacts with the audience. He was an actor in the play. We went out on the date the next day,and that was it. I have many gay friends and family, and this guy knew a lot of the same people. He's liberal too, thought it was a safe bet. Just turned out a little crazy. But at least I learned it right away!

The_Hyphenator's picture
Yeah, it's nice when people

Yeah, it's nice when people front-load their crazy for you so things don't drag out.

I used to run with the theater crowd in college, so I know what you mean. You don't run into too many hardcore Christian types in those circles, but it does happen...though when it does, I've noticed that 9 times out of 10, they're severely closeted and overcompensating.

Will Carrick's picture
I'd move, I can't stand

I'd move, I can't stand Christians, the whole "I can do whatever I want because all my sins are forgiven anyway" attitude makes me sick.

Deidre32's picture
I recently got married (in

I recently got married (in May of this year) and my husband is a non-theist. I went back to faith a little over a year ago, but now I've departed from it again, concluding once again that atheism is my mindset/worldview. If I were dating again, I would never date a theist, or a believer. Maybe a Zen Buddhist type lol but not a theist. I think that men and women who are theists, are more insecure than atheists, in general. There's exceptions to every rule, but I've dated just as many religious type guys as atheists, and by far the atheists and/or non-theists were the most secure in themselves. I'm sorry your marriage is ending, here's hoping for a bright future ahead! :)

Randomhero1982's picture
My fianceè is religious CofE,

My fianceè is religious CofE, she doesn't go to church really but does believe etc...

We were very open when we first dated, she believes and I think it's absolutely ridiculous and no different to Santa Claus or the tooth fairy.

That said we made an agreement, we don't discuss religion! It never enters a conversation and it doesn't effect us and we manage to work out lives perfectly via this rationale.

For example she wanted a church wedding, and I wanted something far beyond that and have opted for a stately home.

And our two children we agreed will not be christened or exposed to religion and we will allow them to make their own minds up on their own time.

We can all get along when we want to.

peter56's picture
It is the best advice, Pitar,

It is the best advice, Pitar, This online dating website came up on my search when I was looking for atheist people who looking for relationships in my locality. After some month I was able to meet with people who are interested for me ,and our relationship became successful and long lasting.

Satiro's picture
I struggled for a while

I struggled for a while trying to figure out how to meet girls. This is actually a highly crucial matter, so you must approach it from every angle. I am aware that there are currently just fantastic websites for horny people from which you can pick an appropriate dating site. I hope I was able to be of assistance and that it will be quite helpful to you. Even though I wouldn't have hoped for it, I even found a girl to have sex with. Good luck! I sincerely hope that I was able to assist someone in finding happiness because it is more crucial than ever.

demik's picture
How do you think about

As far as I know, girls love creative and funny guys. And if you impress a girl on the first date, then there is a high chance of going with her on the second and third dates. So read the article with cool ideas for memorable first dates. I'm sure this information will bring you a lot of benefits for your relationship success.

CharlesBarton's picture
SInce you asked for opinions

SInce you asked for opinions my opinion is that you should consider this relationship dead. Bury it and move on to find someone you will be more compatible with. The guy sounds like he's a control freak and will most likely end up abusing you in order to dominate you into doing what he wants you to do.

Can you imagine what your life with him will be like in the next 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 years? Do you think your doubts will disappear? Will you be happy being his slave? I'm sure that you would love any children you might have with him but suppose you never become pregnant? How will he react and treat you in that circumstance? And if you did have a child how many would he be satisfied with, 1 or 15? Don't let yourself become a sow hog churning out piglets.

So avoid all future contact with him so that he won't flip out and harm you. Stay safe and don't put your physical, mental, or emotional health at risk.

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