How do you make missionaries go away without being rude?

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MCDennis's picture
Would you consider telling

Would you consider telling them to Fuck Off to be rude?

mykcob4's picture
Well, first you did a big pit

Well, first you did a big pit below your porch. You rig a trap door to an electric eye. When they walk up your path the eye switch triggers the door to open. out of the pit emanates smoke created by dry ice and devilish sounds like the singer from a heavy metal band. Red lights strobe from the pit.

dpasek's picture
Don't worry about being rude.

Don't worry about being rude. The Mo missionaries are the ones being rude. Just tell them to leave and slam the door in their faces. Then go to this web site to get your name removed from the church records:
http://www.mormonresignation.com/

John David Lindsey's picture
Smile, look each one over

Smile, look each one over head to toe, up above and down below, and with a sly wink, a pat on their butts invite them in. Of course, this might backfire later on.

MCDennis's picture
Two JWs came to the door

Two JWs came to the door yesterday. I told them I was an atheist and might have suggested that they needed to leave immediately.

Rohan M.'s picture
JWs, you say? Then I suggest

JWs, you say? Then I suggest that you tell them, "My kids are going to college." Trust me, they'll leave.

Deb Cheney-Logan's picture
I tell them that I am a Pagan

I tell them that I am a Pagan and that my house is my sanctuary from organized religion, therefore, they are most unwelcome. They have a tendency to believe me, as I have a gargoyle fountain by my front porch steps and a sign over my front door that says, "Beyond this pointe, thar be Dragons".

mykcob4's picture
Leave a note on your door. On

Leave a note on your door. On the outside, it should read "To you who come in the name of the lord." on the inside, it should read "Leave these people alone signed Jesus".

Cognostic's picture
You don't make them go away.

You don't make them go away. You visit your local electronics shop and pick up a few small devices capable of live streaming. You put the devices around the house and when the Mormons or JW come knocking on your door, you turn on all your devices and invite them in. Invite them to sit down on the couch or at the kitchen table, and then make some excuse to step outside. "I'll be right with you, I was going to check the mail just before you knocked. " Then you grab your laptop and head to the nearest coffee shop to sip on a nice cappuccino and watch the action unfold.

arakish's picture
I usually do as Tracie and

I usually do as Tracie and LittlePanda do/done.

I have also explained to them the definition of "solicitor" specifically using the one definition, "Any person who attempts to sway your beliefs to theirs."

I am never polite with them when I tell them solicitors are not allowed while pointing to the "No Solicitations" sign, and tell them the next time I see them, they will be arrested for trespassing.

On one occasion, I had been field dressing a buck on the back deck when they came up. At one time, I was able to hunt deer in my back yard before moving to another state. The look they had when they saw the bloody apron and the bloody towel I was wiping my hands on... I never saw another church person until I moved to another state.

rmfr

Tin-Man's picture
My wife has a pagan altar on

My wife has a pagan altar on a table in the foyer at our front door. We keep waiting on the day a witness shows up so that we can invite them in and ask if they would like to make a sacrifice to the goddess Morrigan. Not sure if that would be considered rude or not, but - damn - I would certainly love to see the look on their face. lol

YelnatsStanley's picture
Coming from someone whose

Coming from someone whose friends and family are deeply integrated in the Mormon community. Tell them you're gay, they'll put down a code. DNCG. Do not contact, gay. You'll never hear from them again.

Tin-Man's picture
Re: Stanley "DNCG"

Re: Stanley "DNCG"

Well, THERE'S a curiosity. They "care" so much about people and want to "save their souls", yet they will not go near gays whom they claim are "so terribly lost and need saving"??? Well.... ain't that something? On a side note, I don't understand how most religious folks believe gays are lost. Hell, I have several friends who are gay, and they always seem to know exactly where they are. Puzzling... *scratching head*

Mary Wendy Roberts's picture
I ask them if they would like

I ask them if they would like to consider joining my network marketing downline..I offer to give them demonstrations of my miraculous products....and sign them up. Tell them its just the same kind of thing they are doing now!

atheist pepe's picture
It depends how they act, if

It depends how they act, if they're rude and pushy I might give them a bit of sass otherwise I just say no thank you I'm an atheist and shut the door. I've never had a problem with people breaking down my door after that (not that it would surprise me). You'd be surprised how ineffective "soul winning" is. Most churches I was involved in would get discouraged and sometimes they would stop for a month or two.

Rohan M.'s picture
Yeah. I highly doubt that

Yeah. I highly doubt that they have ever convinced anyone who isn't already a belieber or, I mean, believer.

TlalocW's picture
Tell them the deal is however

Tell them the deal is however long they preach to you, you get to preach to them.

MCDennis's picture
I usually tell them to fuck

I usually tell them to fuck off. I don't think that is rude since they want me to join their cult that will among other things steal my money and attempt to brainwash me.

MattLansell's picture
They're not being polite to

They're not being polite to you. You've asked them to stop nicely, you've communicated clearly how you feel, and they still insist on bothering you. Now you're allowed to be a bit rude. You don't have to be MEAN of course... give them a firm "I already told you NO" and close the door in their face. They'll soon get the message.

NewSkeptic's picture
I like to act like I can't

I like to act like I can't hear them and need to get a hearing aid. Then I shut the door and see how much time they will waste hanging around. This works great with telemarketers on the phone too.

Cognostic's picture
You need a box of Mormon
Francis Bezooyen's picture
This thread was started quite

This thread was started quite a while ago, but I'll add a bit of advice from my perspective as a former Mormon Missionary. Perhaps it will help someone else who reads this.

You are being contacted because you are an "inactive member" of the church. Contacting and "working with" inactive members of the church is a standard task for missionaries, and whenever the local pair gets switched up there's a good chance that they'll open up the books and look up the inactive member's in the area in case there is a chance of re-activating them.

To end such contacts, probably the best thing you can do (besides being very assertive with the current pair) is resign your membership in the church. This will result in your name being removed from the church's membership records. The easiest way to do this, that I am aware of, is to avail yourself of the free help on this site: https://quitmormon.com/

Wait - you were excommunicated... technically that means you are already no longer a member of the church, but you'd likely still be looked on as something like an inactive member which is why the missionaries would still have you on their list of potential contacts. I guess your options in that case are to be assertive in person, and in a written letter to the local church authorities requiring that your name be removed from all lists by which the missionaries might contact you. You could also try moving to a new area where no one knows you :)

Rebdoc's picture
I heard a suggestion recently

I heard a suggestion recently although I haven't tried it yet. Simply ask, "Please!, Do I come to your house to talk about wine and vibrators?" and then shut the door before it sinks in.

Zaphod's picture
If i were trying to be

If i were trying to be sensitive to their beliefs and not offended that they were intruding on my space, they did not just wake me up and I were not trying to get them to not want to ever come back, I would just simply say "Sorry I don't have time to talk about this right now." But in all honesty, I would rather debate with them if I had time and get them to question their religion. They have their way of doing good I have mine.

Cognostic's picture
I can't imagine wanting to

I can't imagine wanting to end contact with the Mormons. I love pranking people and they would just be setting themselves up for horrors.

I don't understand English:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFcUN0xhSR8

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