Hi There
Thank you taking the time to read this. I was just wondering how many, if any of you have to keep your views seceret and how do you deal with religious family members?
I'm an atheist or at least I think I am, and I am part of a very religious family who I can't stand being around because of their views. EVERYTHING is about Jesus with them. I am saving to move away from them and quit my job (at a church of all places) but until then I have to keep my mouth shut and keep my head down. How do you deal with religious family without going completely crazy?
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Hi Anne. Welcome to AR.
Get a copy of Greta Christina's book, "Coming out Atheist". It might help.
Thank you for the welcome Cyber. I am unable to get a hard copy of the book right now but have found an epub of it. As soon as i move i will definitely buy the hard copy. Thank you so very much for sharing this info with me.
Keep your mouth shut, keep your head down and MOVE OUT !
Bob - "Keep your mouth shut, keep your head down and MOVE OUT !"
Sadly, I think that is good advice.
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The book Cyber mentioned would probably be helpful as well, but if you get anything like that, make sure you have a place to keep it where it won't be found.
I have downloaded the epub version which i can put on my secret Ipad i use for all things "ungodly" lol.
Moving out wouldn't be good enough they would still try and force control i am moving country.
The title threw me for a loop..... no one can keep you from thinking. Speaking your mind, however.....
We are what we think are we not?
Indeed.
Learn, READ, DISCOVER. You can do this on your own. When you can exist on your own then you can make your own rules.
"Learn, READ, DISCOVER" You are so very right all these things are in my opinion the foundations of a free thinker. Learning is hard for me, as it is with many, but it is one of the pleasurable challenges of life.
The way I look at it is that you need to do whatever is needed to survive. If at present you feel that you need to keep your head down and go through it then so be it. When your station in life changes and you feel more comfortable expressing your belief then that would be the right time to come out.
I personally find it hard to come out and there are a lot of times I feign acceptance to the nonsense. I try to resign myself to the fact that I may not be able to express my irreligion ever, except in the confines of sites like this or very close company. I may be a coward or an opportunist but this is all I can do and I do not believe it to be wrong.
However there are times you will be pitted against certain decisions that will have you make a choice as in my case my parents and by extension my family demand me to marry from my religion and I found that going along with the nonsense was not an option for me and I am facing said consequences of that decision. But I do not regret it.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to decide what is right for you and how much of it can you tolerate. There is no wrong or right and the only judgement you need worry about is your own.
Reading what you have said makes me thing that maybe we come from similar circumstances, where tradition and religion take president of logic and reason. I have no fear of expressing my belief or lack there of, i fear the consequences of. My situation will change soon i can see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, which i think makes it all the more harder knowing that soon it will be over and i can become my own person.
You said "I personally find it hard to come out and there are a lot of times I feign acceptance to the nonsense. I try to resign myself to the fact that I may not be able to express my irreligion ever, except in the confines of sites like this or very close company." Do you find it hard out of fear of rejectment or the confrontation that will inevitably ensue? I often wonder if the creators of these sites know what a positive impact they have on people. They are a comfort.
I understand your situation in regards to marriage, i had very little choice over my husband but I have been fortunate in that he is rather open minded and has realized that science answers more questions than little fairy tales do. He knows about my plans of leaving and his behavior lately leads me to think that he too wishes to escape.
You are so very right, i do need to decide what is right and reading and replying to your post has just confirmed a few things with me. I appreciate you taking the time to write it, you have giving me more to think about than you could ever realize. So Thank you.
Dan Barker wrote an excellent book about his painful departure from Christianity, "Losing Faith in Faith" or something like that. Best to have a place away from home to hide it, if possible. You could also contact the Freedom From Religion Foundation for additional advice. (Check the Internet.) While you are biding your time and suffering through it, wisely keeping a low profile, you still have us to chat with. Occasionally we say something intelligent!
i will definitely look for the book, Thank you. i never knew there was such a place as freedom from religion existed, sadly I am unable to find anything on them, perhaps my internet provider has blocked it.Keeping a low profile is not one of my strongest abilities but i am getting better at it. Sadly home and work are the same place for me and it is hardly home in the sentimental meaning of the word. But an ipad hidden under floor boards is an amazing way to escape the world of fairy tales and into a world of science, even though not everything is understood dictionaries and the internet helps. I have seen lots of intelligent things here, i feel like a child in a sweets shop.
after reading things that all of you have posted i dont think i am intelligent enough to even begin to understand the true meaning of Atheism. where do i find some very easy to understand literature? you are all so intelligent it is so beautiful to see what the human mind is capable of.
Please, my dear, do not call me intelligent. The others of this site may be, but since I am only sixteen I do not think myself "aged" enough to be called intelligent.
But according to google dictionary it defines it as "the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.
"an eminent man of great intelligence"" . According to this i think it is safe to define you as intelligent. Your modesty, Sir only proves my point.
Perhaps you are correct......
I have never believed in a god (much less an Abrahamic one) and have always been open about my disbelief in mythologies with no problems at all, so I can't easily identify with those who feel some need to keep non-belief in something secret sometimes. I can offer a view of someone who would never hesitate to say "I don't believe in god".
Atheism..noun...disbelief or lack of belief in the existence of God or gods.
Perhaps some people might find atheism "hard to understand" because religionists teach children that religious faith is important. If they loose it, their moral compass is in danger. They teach all sorts of nonsense like that so that a child is made to feel that losing one's religious faith is not only bad, but wrong and harmful. (Give me a boy under 7..) Actually, a person doesn't lose religious faith. They simply stop being superstitious. That's all.
Theology is just a mythology taken too seriously. Abrahamic, Egyptian and other mythologies are complicated. Not believing they are true is not.
"Perhaps some people might find atheism "hard to understand" because religionists teach children that religious faith is important." From were i am from i think its also so ingrained into the Afrikanker culture (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afrikaners) that the fear of losing that culture makes people not question and if they do its easier to blame the devil and preform an exorcism than it is to face the truth. they say a cornered dog is the most dangerous and i think that the culture and their church is being pushed into a corner so they lash out and become more extreme.
"Actually, a person doesn't lose religious faith. They simply stop being superstitious." I often think that more work has to go into having religious faith than not having it hence the reason for the manipulation of having to attend church every sunday and the encouragement of being involved with the church.
As you say it is just mythology.
And, much like Ra, Zeus, and Mars, it shall soon go the way of the dinosaurs.
Except we have evidence to prove dinosaurs
Ahhaha! Well played, my dear. Well played indeed.
Ahhaha! Well played, my dear. Well played indeed.
@ Anne - My reason for remaining closeted is that I fear the repercussions of coming out.
I cannot change my station and so I am bound to this place for better or worse. People here aren't willing enough to reason and sometimes their lack of reason gets annoying. Their outlook so narrow and opinions so coloured by the evils of religion that sensibility and knowledge I fear are words lacking in their vocabulary.
The religious polarisation seems to be increasing in my country owing to the unrelenting effort of right wing political outfits. Recently a muslim was murdered in front of his family by a mass of idiots because they suspected a rotten pile of meat lying somewhere in his lane to be beef (cow is sacred for hindus) and they believed it was his. As it turns out the meat was mutton and not his.
The story gets worse for rationalists in india. Narendra Dhabolkar, Virendra Baling, are names of just a few rationalists murdered by these retards for their views.
My community is more tight knit than I would care for (somewhat like the mormons but muslims) the leaders are just as obtuse as any cultist with the added benefit of a large stupid following that will follow even the most ridiculous commands.
At the end of the day I realised that the best I can achieve whilst I am here is to try to set up a decent life for me where I can exist at the very least in my private space as an atheist and try to reason with people as much as I can without revealing much of myself.
Its appalling that you have to live like that. you have taught me to have gratitude, for that i am grateful thank you, i can and will escape my current situation and can only hope that something will happen for you too.
"My community is more tight knit than I would care for (somewhat like the mormons but muslims) ..." I can all most understand that, my community is very backward and still value old ideals, i've had a belt taken to me for wearing trousers. Not as extreme but still unnecessary. I have read of people being killed for sharing their beliefs their and there are no words for the sadness this must bring to like minded people there.
You may meet someone like minded one day and not have to feel so isolated.
That's too bad that you are in a situation like that... I just graduated from a conservative Christian college in May, and I had to keep my mouth shut for my senior year while still being immersed in their way of life. I became an atheist before the school year started, but I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to get expelled. I almost went crazy, and it would have helped to have a friend who was an atheist/agnostic or someone who would have supported my beliefs at the time. Unfortunately, I didn't, but maybe you can find another atheist, and you both can support each other. Hopefully it works out for you!
Did you find it got harder the closer you were to finishing? That is how i am feeling my intolerance for fairy tales being made out to be real is getting worse. I am testing the waters with someone but have to be careful as to not reveal to much, I dont want to end up doing more harm than good.
I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this evolutionary experience. Looks like your goal of changing your circumstances is a challenging one but it is achievable if you are economical and smart about your departure. Set small goals of saving money and then of where you will go with a new job no matter how menial it is. You can always climb the job ladder after you escape your oppression. I wish you the best. Don't ever give up and don't ever accept no as an answer
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