I had a hard relapse last night. I'm really disappointed in myself. I was doing really good resisting my compulsion and staying busy. But my wife is out of town, I got so sad and lonely and homesick, missing my family across country. I googled saints again, I read up on catherine laboure, who made all these predictions that came true, some she wrote herself, some that might have been added later, idk. There's also a nun in the 1600s who predicted a ton of shit about the 19th and 20th centuries, our lady of quito or something. Its terrifying
I had a friend take me to urgent. I was desperate and felt like I was drowning. They deemed me not an immediate danger to myself, sent me home with triazalam to sleep, which is good, I need that. I'm home today, with my cats. I just wanted to pop in. I don't know where I go now. Psych check up in a couple days. Hopefully some answers. Trying to stay rested and busy. I'm gonna ask my wife to come with me to my appointment I think. My normal therapist is considering an OCD type diagnosis which makes sense.
Idk, im. Tired and lost right now.
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