So, as an 18-year-old closet agnostic that has devout Christian parents, I'm actually quite nervous now (I graduated high school yesterday). Nervous over the fact that I have two options for the rest of my life: live in a facade as a pretend Christian or just confess at some point later in my life that I am an agnostic, which will obviously let my family and relatives down (since my mom passed away unexpectedly in 2014, and confessing to them will probably bring more heartbreak).
And I also want to get a girlfriend, but eventually I have to tell her everything about me and then our families have to meet, and then I have to tell everyone about my agnosticism after all's been said and done. Can't keep all of my thoughts bottled up like that, you know?
Why? Why do I need to be born into this family just so I can experience these problems later in life? Problems that I can't EVER solve like this? When I say "devout" about my parents and relatives, I mean DEVOUT. They believe that without God, their lives would be meaningless (which, IMO, is total BS).
I'm still living with my parents for the time being as I'll be commuting to college and back. I just don't know what to really do now. Confess and potentially destroy my family's Christian/Muslim (Grandma's the only Muslim in our family) tradition forever, or be someone I'm truly not for the rest of my life? My life is at a crossroads. :(
TL;DR I don't know how to deal with my agnosticism in contrast to my devoutly Christian parents...
Subscription Note:
Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.
Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.
Hi NWK. I’d suggest you get a book by Greta Christina called, “Coming Out Atheist”. It may help.
@NWG ….
This is your dilemma now...… having gained your freedom ….. its down to you..... you are responsible for your own actions....
difficult I know …. and my response will not be a lot of use to you ….. but that is the nature of freedom …. no one gets to tell you what to do … how to do it …. when to do it ….. its all down to you..... choose carefully remember you have to live with the results of your choices.
But on the positive side they are your choices.
Hey, I know how you feel. My family are devout Christians, as was I for about five years from my mid-teen to very young adult years. (I'm currently almost 21 and became an atheist about eight months ago.) It's been in my family for a very very long time, I wouldn't doubt hundreds of years from my mom's side, and on my dad's side, he became a Christian during a very terrible time in his life and because of it, he believes whole-heartedly.
I haven't totally come out to my parents and told them that I'm an atheist, just have told them that I'm no longer a Christian. And let me tell you, it's fucking hard. Even though my parents knew I was thinking more critically about my faith and knew I was slipping, telling them I am no longer a Christian was one of the hardest things I've had to do. And when I did it seemed like a really bad time, my mom had just lost her last two living aunts and there was a lot of death in the church that my parents were affected by. And just a lot of other stressors. It was really really hard and I can't tell you how much stress it's put on my parents and former Christian mentors and myself.
But my thing is that I'd rather tell them the truth and be vulnerable about who I am than lie to them and lie to myself for the rest of my life. Telling my parents and mentors about my unbelief was hard, but it was me taking care of not only myself but of them. I know that I can't lie to my family like that and I can't do that to myself.
Here's a video that might help, I found it rather helpful about "coming out" as an agnostic/atheist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ-8ocmtb_8
And this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xqCkx6WQBE) is his story on how he went about it.
Hope this helps! Feel free to reach out if you need to.
I completely missed it. You are an 18 year old adult, living off your parents, you do not like their religion, and you don't want to stop living off of them so you are keeping your mouth shut about your agnosticism.. I'm sorry, all I see are the choices you are making for your life. Where is this bind you speak of?
Well, what kind of actions do they expect to perform in relation to their faith? For me it was easy to renounce my faith, because my parents weren't very religious, so I don't know if my advice is of any use. But if your parents don't ask much in the way of performance, maybe it would be more expedient and cost-effective to put on a show for a year or two before you move out? This of course puts an unfair strain on you, because you have to deny yourself becouse of something your parents believe in, but life is like that all the time. Maybe it shouldn't be like that, maybe one day it won't be like that, but alas, today it is like that.
@Peurii: But if your parents don't ask much in the way of performance, maybe it would be more expedient and cost-effective to put on a show for a year or two before you move out?
Exactly, their house, their rules. If you are religious and you come to my house and insist that we say a prayer before a meal, I am going to show you the front door. If you want to say a short silent prayer before a meal, no problem. Some people like to do that.
The real issue here is that Christians are not typically as open minded as atheists. If you do not bow your head and mumble along with them at the dinnertime prayer, they are likely to throw you out of the house. Just politely waiting for them to finish is not enough. Still, everything is about making a choice. Once you make the choice, you don't get to whine about it. Stay and live with it or go. You are an 18 year old adult. Refuse to join them or join them and then live with the consequences. All you are having difficulty doing is being an adult and making an adult choice. Make your choice and then live with the consequences.