I am so tired of hearing this phrase! In another post I told about my father dying two months ago and even people that know my beliefs still use it.
The massacre in Las Vegas, the past massacres, this is repeated like some magical spell. Yes I get that some people do not know any better, or do believe that false hope will actually help another person in some magical way.
I am alone, depressed and in a very dark place still. I finally called the help for grieving people phone line today and....three guesses? Our thoughts and prayers are with you. So...I inform them that I am an atheist...silence..awkward silence followed by I hope things gets better.
What I do know is people need other people they can relate too. They need other people to ask what they can do for them, to help them get through. Those people in Vegas need that, other victims need that and I could use that as well. Not empty words that have become a catchphrase that serves no real helpful purpose.
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Prayer is like masturbation. Feels good but does nothing for the person you are thinking about!
@Chimp3
Nice analogy. Hate is very similar.
Hello LargerBowl.
I won't say I know how you feel, because that's as insulting as the prayer offers. But I really sympathize. I lost my mother last year. In addition to the sadness, I also felt ashamed that it was kind of a relief after years of watching her memories and personality die while her body stayed alive in a world of nightmares.
The best advice I can offer you based on my own experience is to avoid people who think they can help you, and to find people who need your help. Helping others, and working with others to help people in need are very therapeutic.
I'm not praying for you.
@thelargerbowl I fully understand where you're coming from; i think it's very sad that sympathy for the bereaved is usually sought after using theistic viewpoints. I too am an atheist and i truly believe that the real help one can gain is not through somebody telling you the monotonous: "they're somewhere better" but that life and death is natural and that person will continue to live in your memories. Try not to focus so much on the negativity but remember that you - unlike most other people - had the chance to know and live with that person: keep those memories precious to you.
@thelargerbowl
I lost my father in March and have dealt with the continuous "I am praying for you, or he is in a better place."
All I wanted to do was scream out that the only better place was here with me!!! I know that it is a cliche but time does help. You have to know that as natural as death may be it still hurts, but as Lisa put it memories are what help us get through these hard times. Every time I have a question about something with my son I still pick up the phone and start to dial then realize that he is no longer here... but what I personally do is reflect back on what I remember of him and it's really awesome how memories flood back into my head, memories I didn't think I still could recall. Stay strong utilize everything he taught you and push hard to make every day you have the best day it can be.
If you want you can email me at burnyourbibles@gmail.com anytime you would like to talk or need someone just to shoot the shit with.
Agreed. Thoughts & Prayers < Action.
I'm sick of that phrase too.
@TheLargerBowl. I'm not able to find proper words to someone who's grieving, so last time you opened a thread about your father, I just posted you one of my favorite poems on death. I hope you liked it. Now I'm gonna link an article by an atheist on coping with loss from 2014. Luckily, it could bring some comfort to read about other fellow atheist's struggle. I wish you the best, no prayers involved.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-a-rizvi/atheists-death_b_4134439.html
(edited)
People don't know what to say to a grieving person so they say what they've been taught. Mindless dribble like she's in a better place or my thoughts and prayers are with you.
They aren't even aware I'm not asking them about their thoughts on death. I don't care about their silly beliefs. I'm telling them my heart is broken. I'm telling them even though it's one person gone from my life my whole life is empty now.
My younger sister died last month. She was my best and dearest Friend. I still can not believe I'll never hear her voice or see her beautiful face again. Never. I don't want her to be a fond memory. I want her here now! I know there isn't one single thing anybody can say or do to take away my pain. I wish they would just say they're sorry and leave it at that. I honestly don't even want to talk about the memories. That just makes the loss even more painful for me.
I do know how you feel and I truly am so sorry for the loss of your beloved father. I'm also sorry for the thoughtless things people will say to you. Perhaps they really don't know any better. If that's true I'm thinking it's time we learned how to just "Be There" for a grieving person. To listen to them or sit with them in silence. To let them weep or scream. To hand them a tissue or a cup of coffee. To shut up and listen! To understand (stand under and steady them) while their life is all mixed up, out of focus, scattered, empty, lost, lonely, afraid, and so very sad.
Telling someone they're in your thoughts and prayers is a cop out and it never makes me feel better. It makes me mad because what they're NOT saying is, I'm too busy to deal with this now so I'm going to tell the invisible guy in the sky (in case he hasn't heard) to deal with you while I go on with my normal grief free life.
I'm shaking my head in disgust as I write this. We need to grow up and learn to think for ourselves instead of repeating stupid, empty phrases to a person that suddenly found her/himself in a cold, lonely, and heartsick world.
Thank you for sharing that, Yardgal. Especially the last paragraph. Love and hugs.
Thank you all! Each one of you helped me know that I am not alone and that you can relate. Being with like minded people does help.