Let me explain my question. I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school and prayed faithfully before meals and before bed. I never even thought about evolution or creationism. In my mind (without having read the bible) God was the creator, the bible was true, and so on. On my first year of secondary school I took a trip with my class to a museum where they talked about the first life on earth coming from giant rocks that hit the earth. On these rocks were bacteria that over time evolved into complex life forms. This made a lot of sense and it raised a few eye brows. Right away just from hearing that I dismissed the idea of Adam and Eve as well as creationism. Then, at home later on I simply asked in google if hell was real. Then, if God is real. Many people said yes to both, but many also said no. That got me thinking that logically, there could very well be no hell or no God. A few months later my dad watched a documentary on netflix called "The Unbelievers". Laurence Krauss and Richard Dawkins made a lot of sense. At this point, I wasn't yet an atheist. I think I was about 65-70% in that direction. Then suddenly, I realized I kind of liked the idea of there being no creator (I don't know why). I think I might have been a bit rebellious too and thought it might be a bit interesting to diverge from the crowds (my school community). Athough I was not full aheist at the time, I told my parents I was as I sort of wanted to be. They had no problem with this.
I was always aware from this point that there was a lack of evidence, but the fear of hell still shook me and continues to shake me to this day. Seeing all these NDEs of atheists scared me so badly that I went back to praying and fearing hell. Now I am kind of an agnostic but I still sometimea refer to myself as an atheist.
I guess I do not know exactly what to believe. My concern is that I am a bad person for kind of wanting to be atheist. I think it may be a combination of logic, rebellious thinking, and knowing that if religion is false that there won't likely be a hell.
Does this make me a bad person?
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