Are BDSM Relationships Wrong?

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gcibulka's picture
Are BDSM Relationships Wrong?

As a former Catholic turned atheist, one of the issues I have with Catholicism that helped lead me to atheism is their stance on sexuality and relationships. Sex isn't talked about very much in Catholicism, except to tell you that sex is wrong unless it's for the purpose of procreation. The topic of BDSM isn't even remotely mentioned, which I find distressing. There are many different kinds of BDSM relationships, and religious groups, and public schools for that matter, don't even acknowledge their existence. I haven't had to take sex ed for many years, so if they do talk about BDSM now, I'm unaware of this. I'm curious, do you, dear reader, consider BDSM to be wrong, and if so, why? Furthermore, should students be taught about BDSM as part of sex ed?

Note: if your knowledge of BDSM comes only from 50 Shades of Grey, that doesn't count. 50 Shades of Grey and 50 Shades Darker don't accurately portray BDSM relationships.

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Endri Guri's picture
I'm 15 and there's not much I

I'm 15 and there's not much I'd know about Sex. But first of all, BDSM should not be included in Sex Ed, Sex Ed is primarily focused on engaging a safe sexual intercourse without placing ourselves in danger of contracting diseases such as HIV, Gonorrhea etc. So it's totally Idiotic to include BDSM in the Sex-Ed as it has no relation to Education about sexual intercourse, only fetishes and pleasure-gaining for certain individuals. I don't think BDSM is wrong, people who are Masochistic and Sadists go along well together in Sexual Intercourse and I don't think it's in our hands to stop them as long as they are doing it in full consent. Of course, when the Masochist is facing bodily harm, then it is something to worry about, as Sadists can go to very extreme lengths to gain pleasure (talking about Sex).

gcibulka's picture
So basically, BDSM shouldn't

So basically, BDSM shouldn't be included because it only has to do with pleasure, and not with disease prevention and sexual health? I can agree to that, somewhat. Sexual health isn't just about STDs; it has a lot to do with fulfilling one's sexual desires, which means some people need to engage in BDSM to be sexually healthy. I'm not saying people should be taught how to tie people up or anything like that, I just think it should be brought up in sex ed courses that BDSM culture exists, and it's okay to have deviant sexual tastes.

mykcob4's picture
Nuances of sexual

Nuances of sexual relationships should NOT be taught in schools. BDSM is too sophisticated to be taught. Sex Ed should be taught but only the basics. Personally, I find BDSM an oddity, a perversion, though I would not outlaw it. What consenting adults AGREE to that doesn't hurt anyone is up to them. I don't actually think that it is healthy, however. I think it comes from a frustration that involves deeper issues. That isn't my call.

xenoview's picture
BDSM should be kept out of

BDSM should be kept out of sex ed class. That is for two or more consenting adults.

Nyarlathotep's picture
Teaching the kids about every

Teaching the kids about every sexual proclivity seems a little ambitious considering we can't seem to teach them the basics.

algebe's picture
LOL. British private schools

LOL. British private schools (known as "public schools" for some perverse reason) like Eton, Harrow, and Rugby were famous for teaching generations of aristocratic youths to crave canes and whips, especially administered by large ladies dressed as nurses, governesses, or nuns.

Schools today should focus on teaching kids about mutual respect and keeping themselves safe. There's plenty of information about every sexual variation under the sun on the Internet for those who want to learn more.

ThePragmatic's picture
Wait what?!

Right. Wait, they did what?!

algebe's picture
@The Pragmatic: "Right. Wait,

@The Pragmatic: "Right. Wait, they did what?!"

I don't think they did it on purpose, but institutionalized bullying and cruelty by staff against boys and boys against boys in places like Harrow, Eton and Rugby certainly had that effect. The French still call BDSM "le vice anglais".

mbrownec's picture
@athiestpasta

@athiestpasta
My first comment is that your age isn't posted on your profile age. As a result, I don't know if your 14 years old or 60 years old.

My second comment is that while you strongly state what is not BDSM, you didn't bother to share with us what you consider to be real BDSM. Do you consider the Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou to be reflective of real BDSM? Are you referring to BDSM "sex play" or BDSM as a 24/7/365 lifestyle?

If you are talking about a 24/7/365 lifestyle, I'm not sure there are two people out of a million that could withstand the intensity of such a relationship for a year. The psychological, emotional and physical stamina required in such 24/7/365 relationship is far beyond what any person can imagine. In fact, I can't recall any 24/7/365 BDSM relationship lasting over a couple of months. I've seen the psychological and emotional stress leave people in the fetal position for days. The dynamics are totally consuming. The reality of a 24/7/365 BDSM relationship is quite different than the fantasy.

Unless you are just talking about BDSM sex play, BDSM can be destructive and dangerous. It's not a "toy" and proper knowledge and training is required when considering a 24/7/365 relationship. I was involved in the BDSM "scene" for over a decade. BDSM sex play can be fun and fulfilling. However, a 24/7/365 BDSM relationship has a far better chance of being destructive than being successful.

BDSM is primarily about meeting and developing the dominant or submissive needs of your partner(s). Sex is just a tool used in the process. I've known BDSM relationships that totally excluded sex.

Finally, I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order.

  • I do NOT believe BDSM materials or discussions should be included in sex education classes as sex is not the primary purpose of BDSM. BDSM is primarily about domination and submission ... not sex.
  • My atheist beliefs do not prevent me from accepting the practice of BDSM either as sex play or a 24/7/365 relationship. However, being an anarchist, I strongly oppose any form of BDSM as I passionately reject any form or expression of authority and/or domination of one individual over another. Obviously, my BDSM days were prior to me becoming an anarchist.
BAACKJD's picture
"Teaching the kids about

"Teaching the kids about every sexual proclivity seems a little ambitious considering we can't seem to teach them the basics."

I'm with Nyarlathotep. If we're going to include this, where does it end exactly? I think BDSM should just be included in the Q&A portion of the class, right along with every other oddball sexual variation.

xenoview's picture
What does BDSM have to do

What does BDSM have to do with Atheism?

algebe's picture
Not much. But maybe I think

Not much. But maybe I think it's a lot more on topic than some of the discussions on American politics.

Whips, nails, chains, crowns of thorns and torture in general have always been close to the dark heart of Christianity. And if you're indoctrinated with guilt and sin, what joy it must be to engage in a little self-flagellation.

MCDennis's picture
Is the sex consensual? If

Is the sex consensual? If yes, then there is nothing wrong with BDSM

William00's picture
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Tetndezi's picture
BDSM relationships, like any

BDSM relationships, like any other, are a matter of personal preference and consent between adults. It's important to emphasize that as long as there is mutual consent, trust, and respect within the relationship, there's no right or wrong. In the modern world, relationships come in all shapes and forms. What's crucial is that they're built on open communication and a shared understanding of each other's desires and boundaries. If you're curious about exploring these aspects of your dating life, consider checking out dating999.com site. It's a great resource to help you find the most suitable dating app that aligns with your preferences, whether you're into BDSM or any other type of relationship. Remember, the key is always respect and consent.

Bob44's picture
Everyone has their own

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