From the National Online Herald
“Breaking news from across this great nation. Students of all shapes and sizes are running to the bathrooms between classes and lunch time to masturbate. Together with hand held devices and a new wave of hard core pornography, scientists say they’ve seen a 400 % increase in adolescent interference since last year.
The country is now facing a disastrous shortage of toilet paper. Scientists say that by the year 2032, there will hardly be any toilet paper left.
Sewage waste analysts have never seen spikes in the percentage of sperms in their samples like the ones they’ve seen this year. Analysts say the new wave of really hardcore porn makes male teenagers between the ages of 14 and 17 especially susceptible.
With all that jiz running into the oceans, marine biologist Carl Fox Rundy says it’s not a matter of how this human sperm will fettilize fish eggs all over the ocean - it’s a matter of when this human sperm will fertilize fish eggs all over the ocean. No detection of a human/fish hybrid has been made in recent months, but Biologists across the nation are hopeful.
Arthur Smackswell
Contributing Author”
I read this kind of smut and you know ... I just don’t know what the world’s coming to. Isn’t it stated in the Bible? Thou shalt not interfereth with thine self?
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