Doorstep Theists

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Dworkin's picture
Doorstep Theists

Folks,

A while back, two Quakers appeared at my door. They gave me the usual pamphlet and story, and while they were talking I thought of playing a gentle trick on them. I was wearing a black jumper over a white Tshirt, which gave me a 'dog collar' appearance. Friends have told me that I do have a clerical presence, so I pretended to be a Catholic priest.

When I announced my calling, they looked uncomfortable. We talked and I gently chided them for losing the true way of our first born Christian church. This had an effect. They started to back away down the garden path. As they got to the gate I made the sign of the cross and said solemnly 'Pax Vobiscum my children'.

Good grief, they reacted like they had been sprinkled with acid! One actually jumped over the gate and they both hurried down the road, almost at a run.

What to make of this? I didn't mean to scare them, just to try a kind of behavioural test, and it certainly worked. I can't remember a time when my words have had a more profound effect on a couple of people. It was not the encounter with an unbeliever that had upset them so much, but an encounter of a very different nature.

What was going on??

D.

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Whitefire13's picture
Can’t speak for Quakers, but

Can’t speak for Quakers, but as a JW priests were the devil’s agents.

boomer47's picture
@White

@White

"Can’t speak for Quakers, but as a JW priests were the devil’s agents."

Fair enough.

I worked with a bloke who was devout lutheran. He was adamant that nuns were priests whores . I think he was a bit off the mark. Had he been right I reckon there might have been would a lot fewer abused boys.

Tomcolumbus's picture
I grew up Catholic.

I grew up Catholic.

All I knew about other religions was why they were wrong.

I don't remember JWs even getting mentioned.
But doubtless they fell into the category "Protestant". People who pretended to believe in Jesus while refusing to accept Jesus's own Church, the Roman Catholic Church. Jesus did say so, right there in the Bible.

There's no hotter place in Hell than the spot Jesus picked out for Protestants. They read the Bible and deliberately and knowingly refuse Jesus's clear instructions. Those unfortunate pagans have an excuse. They're ignorant. That's because we true Christians haven't tried hard enough to bring them to The Truth.

Protestants don't have that excuse. They want to go to Hell, or else they wouldn't ignore Jesus's Own Church!

Trust me. I have very good authority. The Pope himself told me this.

Tom

boomer47's picture
@Columbus

@Columbus

"I grew up Catholic.

All I knew about other religions was why they were wrong."

Yair, me too.

The catholic boys school I attended actively discouraged us from reading the bible 'lest you become confused" . So of course I read the bible cover-to-cover. They were right.I became horribly confused. Not just because of contradictions, but also learning the bible often doesn't mean what it it says.

Began studying comparative religion informally when I was 16, after seeing film of the liberation of some Nazis camps. Catholicism remained officially antisemitic until John Paul 11 formally declared the Jews were not guilty of the death of Jesus.

The Holocaust was never mentioned at my school. Not once.

When I was about six, we were told to stop throwing rocks at the protestant kids. After all ,it wasn't their fault they were going to hell. It was their parents' fault.

It was a real pleasure discovering Bart Ehrman a few years ago.

Cognostic's picture
Funny as hell!!! Wish you

Funny as hell!!! Wish you had thought to videotape it. I have no idea regarding their reactions. Many Christian sects regard the Catholics as idol worshiping sinners but that is all I got.

dogalmighty's picture
Doesn't sound like a normal

Doesn't sound like a normal reaction you'd get from anyone. Maybe they decided to drop some acid, and started to trip at your house.

Dworkin's picture
Folks,

Folks,

Thanks for the heads up on a detail, yes I remember it was JWs and not Quakers, not that I would know the difference?

They said something to me that really soured their pitch. It was , 'After death, wouldn't you want to come back and live in this same house in this street, with everyone around you just as they are now? Well, I have seen the film 'Groundhog Day' and as I remember Bill Murray was kind of desperate to move on!

D.

Whitefire13's picture
As a former JW, a “priest”

As a former JW, a “priest” gave me anxiety ... never had one speak Latin to me or do a “cross thingy” - I’d mostly likely would have left post-haste.

They were selling you the resurrection hope...but they lied. Your current house will most likely be wiped out at Armageddon.

Tin-Man's picture
@Whitefire Re: "Your current

@Whitefire Re: "Your current house will most likely be wiped out at Armageddon."

Shouldn't God's insurance plan cover that, though? That way everybody on the plan could rebuild after all the godless trash has been taken out and the excitement dies down.

Grinseed's picture
@ daybedpooch

@ daybedpooch
"Your current house will most likely be wiped out at Armageddon." That wouldn't matter in my street. Its full of sinners and reprobates like me. Doesn't look like anyone local will be coming back for the after Armageddon party. In fact this whole suburb could be razed for lack of the faithful and redeveloped as a sumptuous 18 hole golf course with bistro for the celestial world to come...do JWs play golf?

boomer47's picture
@White

@White

A pair of JW's once made the mistake of identifying themselves to my dad whilst he was watering the garden. Dad never said a word. He simply turned the hose on them. They left, probably feeling martyred. Never had a JW come to our place ever again.

They would not have gotten far reporting dad to the local cop shop. A one man station, I went to school with his boys. Times have changed.

I have never been rude to Mormons or JW's. Usually takes me less than a minute to identify them. Them they get a polite "not interested thank you" and I close the door. Oh I once gave a couple of mormon lads a cold drink on a filthy hot day .Suggested they wear sun glasses, hat and sunscreen , (Australia is the skin cancer capital of the world)

My brother and his mate had a pair of persistent mormons who returned after being told not to . So bro and his mate answered the door nude.

-as I said, times have changed. Probably for the better overall, with some noticeable exceptions such as the US. They seem to be circling the drain. .

Dworkin's picture
cranky47,

cranky47,

Haha! Baptism.

As a kid, some Mormons came to my parents house and I skipped out the back door. Went round the block and to the front.

I saw four heads bowed in prayer just above the lounge window sill. My parents had folded in less than three minutes!!

Three minutes!!

Three !!

D.

Whitefire13's picture
Dworkin... did they study????

Dworkin... did they study???? I’ve never prayed with a Mormon- my guess, like all other “faith guided” - is the prayer is necessary to have your heart open up to the truth of the scriptures (well, their scriptures...any scripture)

Dworkin's picture
Hi Whitefire13,

Hi Whitefire13,

Oh, I was so embarrassed and couldn't ask WTF they were doing.You know that thing when its just too much information?

Never got the picture of those bowed heads out of my mind.

D.

Nyarlathotep's picture
Where I live, Mormons are the

Where I live, Mormons are the norm; the "regular Christians" are the weirdos.

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