Falling apart

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Dragonfly's picture
Falling apart

Hello, I'm new here and looking forward to getting to know you all.

My story: I was raised in a very fundamentalist Christian church, went on to reject it 14 years ago when I converted to Judaism, but the fear of Hell has always been there. Now I have been on a reading binge and am seeing all religion as manmade efforts to give life meaning, help deal with the uncertainties of life, and give society order. Despite the fact that my rational mind believes all of these things are false, they are like a shadow that clouds everything.

I feel like someone who has bought an expensive toy, like a boat, and it's become a burden, but I hang onto it out of guilt. Am I too invested to change? I'm 50. Religion has been a major part of my life. Have I wasted my life?

How do I deal with the belief that I'll never see my family again after we die? That's so profound and devastating.

I find myself vacillating between Christianity because of fear, Judaism because it's at least something to believe in, and Atheism because my rational mind says religion is manmade. I feel like I'm falling apart and having some kind of breakdown. Am I strong enough to be without religion? Has anyone experienced this kind of crisis upon losing their faith? I'm terrified to try to navigate life without God.

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watchman's picture
Greetings Dragonfly
Dragonfly's picture
You said: "Early Judaism had
CyberLN's picture
Dragonfly, you asked, “When I
Sheldon's picture
" The Atheist Hub Room is
arakish's picture
Welcome to our little corner
arakish's picture
Damnit. Forgot. Here is
Dragonfly's picture
Thank you for both links. I
SeniorCitizen007's picture
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain
xenoview's picture
Sc007
Dragonfly's picture
Love it! I've read this a
Sheldon's picture
There was a young lady called
xenoview's picture
Welcome Dragonfly!
Dragonfly's picture
Yes, as I'm moving closer to
Sheldon's picture
Hedonism and theism are not
SeniorCitizen007's picture
Xenoview
Sky Pilot's picture
Dragonfly,
Dragonfly's picture
Hmmmm. I'm not sure I agree.
Sheldon's picture
"if you haven't accepted
David Killens's picture
Welcome Dragonfly.
Dragonfly's picture
The tough thing is that my
Cognostic's picture
@ Have I wasted my life?
Dragonfly's picture
Regarding too invested to
Cognostic's picture
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU
Dragonfly's picture
My apologies to everyone who
Tin-Man's picture
Hey there, Dragonfly. Welcome
Dragonfly's picture
Were you very involved in
Cognostic's picture
I think it helps to know
Tin-Man's picture
@Dragonfly Re: "Were you
David Killens's picture
Please think this through. it
Old man shouts at clouds's picture
Welcome Dragonfly

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