Favorite Theists Quotes

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Old man shouts at clouds's picture
And of course not to forget

And of course not to forget the famous and annoying: "No No, you are just not reading it right, that is allegory/metaphor/parable/ not meant to be taken literally (enter the word or phrase most likely to please) You should take some bible lessons"

(added yours in here Sheldon...)

Randomhero1982's picture
Well said Sheldon, seen that

Well said Sheldon, seen that a lot on here too!

That and, "we're not discussing that here, we will have to start a new thread for that!"

That's usually the go to when a theists is caught with their pants down.

Sheldon's picture
A nod to Breezy here:

A nod to Breezy here:

I am not prepared to discuss those biblical texts here, (ones that specifically condone slavery) as they have no relevance to my thread OP that the bible condemns slavery. So I will only discuss the specific texts I cited. (and which of course make no direct mention of slavery).

You almost had to admire his chutzpah, until you became familiar with his relentless mendacity of course.

Account Inactive's picture
"There can be no forgiveness

"There can be no forgiveness without cost."

chimp3's picture
"I'm blessed!" Me inside:

"I'm blessed!" Me inside: "Aww! I'm glad you're having a good day! But you're just as fucked as me." Sometimes cynicism works.

arakish's picture
Probably posted already but

Probably posted already but didn't see it when the thought jumped into me mind.

"Your taking it out of context.". And not realizing they do same d*mn thing all the time themselves.

***eyes rolling***


Sheldon's picture
arakish "Probably posted

arakish "Probably posted already but didn't see it when the thought jumped into me mind.

"Your taking it out of context.". And not realizing they do same d*mn thing all the time themselves."

It'd be a lot less cringeworthy a claim if there were not tens of thousands of different christian sects. I mean as I said earlier, in what possible rational context can someone turn 6 days to create everything, into nearly 14 billion years of gradual change?

Sapporo's picture
Variants of "Without (belief

Variants of "Without (belief in) god, there'd be no reason to be moral".

Account Inactive's picture
"Without God your life has no

"Without God your life has no purpose."

"Life is far too complex to be accidental."

"I have a personal relationship with him."

"It's a miracle more people were not killed."

Cognostic's picture
"Jesus loves you!"

"Jesus loves you!"

Get off my lawn's picture
"You can only interpret the

"You can only interpret the Bible correctly if you're a christian"

Cognostic's picture
"It's a miracle!"

"It's a miracle!"

turning_left's picture
"God is so gracious and good

"God is so gracious and good to have protected me from that natural disaster/car accident/disease that he allowed to kill a whole bunch of other people."

Calilasseia's picture
I wouldn't say I have any

I wouldn't say I have any favourite theist quotes, rather a list of most frequently reappearing theist canards. Whether these elicit amusement, the "oh no, not again" response, or a desire to introduce the perpetrator to some interesting uses for a 15 pound sledgehammer and a set of jump leads, varies from canard to canard. But, in general, the canards that exhibit lower levels of malignancy tend to be the ones that elicit the most amusement.

The feeble "You're taking it out of context" canard, is, of course, dealt with succinctly by replying "If so, please provide the correct context, in detail, and why this context you assert to be the correct one is indeed as you assert". I suspect deployment of this response will result in a nice histogram of replies, with outright evasion and bailing out of the thread being a popular supernaturalist choice, closely followed by various examples of specious apologetic fabrications, displaying the tell-tale signs of having been rectally extracted, with no thought given to whether or not the resulting discoursive bubble wrap is consistent with past assertions by the authors thereof.

Much more malignant, of course, are the well-poisoning assertions, the tiresome and duplicitous assertion about Hitler and Stalin being atheists, being one that occupies a special position in my league table of flaming pitchfork worthy instances of egregious malfeasance. That one, whenever it presents it venomous and pustular visage in my discoursive field of vision, provides an occasion to reach for the chlorine trifluoride flamethrower and a full suite of 16 inch naval guns loaded with Katies. I regard every pedlar of that particular canard with truly pyroclastic levels of scorn and derision, and it was the resurrection of this toxic dreck, that led to the recently documented post-diabetric medication artillery bombardment of the sub-prokaryote troll who posted it. Make no mistake, this canard is probably the shining example of a piece of fulminating mendacity worthy of a World War III level response. Pedlars of this should be immolated on sight.

As for the "only a theory" canard, well, I produced my own graphic response to this, which I duly attach to this post. Enjoy.


Attach Image/Video?: 

Account Inactive's picture
"That was the old covenant."

"That was the old covenant."

Sheldon's picture
"There is loads of

"There is loads of contemporary evidence of Jesus's life."

Sheldon's picture
The ten commandments are

The ten commandments are perfect moral guide, but the death penalty is fine. So is advertising, which is the very definition of making someone covet the possessions of others.

Oh and one I particularly detest, atheists hate god, but again thou shalt not bear false witness is part of a perfect moral code.

Sheldon's picture
Just remembered this one...

Just remembered this one....god allows suffering so that we can appreciate happiness.

Cognostic's picture
"Were you there..."

"Were you there..."

Account Inactive's picture
"There was plenty of room.

"There was plenty of room. You don't seriously think that they'd have taken fully grown Dinosaurs."

Bearair's picture
Atheism is a religion.

Atheism is a religion.

Tin-Man's picture
"If you had a personal

"If you had a personal relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ like I do, then you would understand."

rat spit's picture
“Jesus loves the little

“Jesus loves the little children; all the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white; they are precious in his sight.

Jesus loves the little children of the world!”

Loved that one in Sunday school. I still catch my self humming it on the assembly line every now and then.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
Just substitute "Father

Just substitute "Father [place name here]" for the 'jesus' and you will have it correct.

And finish with the last line " and the Archbishop will hide him"

rat spit's picture
Sheldon's picture
Jesus loves you, and to prove

Jesus loves you, and to prove it, if you have any doubts or pick the wrong religion or version of the right religion, he will torture you after you die, forever.

rat spit's picture
Right. Exactly why they call

Right. Exactly why they call it the good news.

NewSkeptic's picture
How about this fine ditty

How about this fine ditty from R.C. Sproul, speaking as to why God allows children to suffer:

"That sounds grim and dreadful until we realize that in that judgment on fallen humanity comes also the tempering of God's wrath with mercy and grace and His whole work of redemption. We believe with great joyous anticipation that there is a special measure of grace that God has reserved for those who die in infancy."

I guess it doesn't matter that no infant ever has believed in any god let alone the Christian one and therefore fails the "get into heaven" test.

Cognostic's picture
"It's all part of God's plan.

"It's all part of God's plan."

Sapporo's picture
"You don't know God."

"You don't know God."

Well...neither do they!


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