Favorite Theists Quotes

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NewSkeptic's picture
Favorite Theists Quotes

Let's have a little fun on a Friday afternoon. It's a little quiet around here anyway.

I'll start. Here's one of my favorites from Ken Ham. Count the logical fallacies:

"Did you know you can ask very simple questions to the scientists who claim that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago? You could say to them, in a very nice way of course, "Excuse me, were you there?" You are actually asking them, "Were you there to see the dinosaurs when they first came into existence? Were you there to see them alive? Were you there to see them die out?" Obviously, they weren't there, so how could they really know everything about them?"



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dogalmighty's picture
Fluck theists, backwards.

Fluck theists, backwards.

watchman's picture
But of course Mr Ham WAS

But of course Mr Ham WAS there to see Jesus born ,hear him preach and watch him die ……
wasn't he ?

So to para-phrase Hams last lines.....
"Obviously, he wasn't there, so how could he really know anything about ….. well anything really?"

arakish's picture
My worstest quote to hear,

My worstest quote to hear, but their favoritest to say, "The Bible is the Word of God because the Bible says it is the Word if God."

How come none of those religitards can see the fallacy in that statement?


Tin-Man's picture
"God knows everything you

"God knows everything you will ever think, say, and do throughout your entire life. He knew these things even before you ever existed...... But He allows you to make your own choices."..... *face palm*....

Cognostic's picture
My favorite all time theist

My favorite all time theist quote: "BEHOLD THE BANANA!" Now as far as I am concerned, that man was on to something.

Sheldon's picture
Cognostic "BEHOLD THE

Cognostic "BEHOLD THE BANANA!" Now as far as I am concerned, that man was on to something.

He's never seen a fucking coconut, that's for sure.

Also does anyone else see the irony of extolling the "simple design" of a banana, after using arguments that imply design is inferred from complexity?

Creatards is dumb...

algebe's picture


About 9:55 into this "Last Week Tonight" video, you can hear Wyoming State Senator Lynn Hutchings from Wyoming say that the death penalty is good because without the death penalty we wouldn't have Jesus.

Kataclismic's picture
I saw that. I was just

I saw that. I was just reading an article about a believer proclaiming that the guillotine was a product of atheism because the Cult of Reason (who wanted to replace Christianity and enforce more egalitarian practices) used it. He didn't include anything about the horribly botched executions by drunk guys with axes precluding the guillotine. Personally, if I had a choice between the chemicals they use and The Machine, I'd prefer the quicker one.

Sheldon's picture
@ Kataclismic "a believer

@ Kataclismic

"a believer proclaiming that the guillotine was a product of atheism"

They should do a little research.


"The 18th-century doctor Joseph Ignace Guillotin hoped a more humane method of execution would eventually lead to the end of capital punishment."

Prior to this in Christian France condemned prisoners were usually broken on the wheel. This involved tying a condemned prisoner to a large wagon wheel in a star shape with limbs outstretched. The wheel then rolled passed men armed with clubs who broke the prisoners limbs. As cruel and barbaric as this is, it's actually quicker than crucifixion, an act Christian's celebrate openly.

Another irony overload of course is the bible celebrating the willingness of Abraham (as an example of a good follower) to eviscerate his own child, and then burn him as an offering to his deity.

Very laudable, I'm sure we can all agree.

That was sarcasm btw, in case I'm still off my mark...

Kataclismic's picture
@Sheldon Indeed.Check it out.


Check it out.

Sheldon's picture


"@Sheldon Indeed. Check it out."

That's hard to read. The historical lies are bad enough, like implying the Nazis were atheists, but it's as if he doesn't remember that G W Bush praying to god, and claiming to have received an affirmative response from that deity instructing him to go to war in Iraq? You'd think that was a recent enough event to be remembered accurately. Perhaps that author thinks ISIS are all atheists? Or Al Qaeda? Or the Whole of Christian Europe in the 30 years war, or the first world war, or the second world war or the crusades or the inquisition etc etc etc...

It makes me laugh when they cite all those religious wars as caused by atheists, almost as ironic as citing Mao or Stalin as examples of the evils of atheism, as if they haven't noticed that totalitarian regimes just as brutally and callously disregard human rights when they're theistic.

It's as if the best they can say to defend the appalling record of historical religious wars and violence is " well, at least it's no worse than two of the bloodiest dictators in history who happened not to believe in a deity.

Personally I aspire to something a little more moral than some of the worst examples in human history, and I'm not even claiming to have derived my moral subjectives from a perfectly moral omniscient, and omnibenevolent deity.

Theists are forever setting a low bar for themselves, and then failing to achieve it.

LogicFTW's picture


Have you guys watched the latest John Oliver episode on HBO, well actually from 9 days ago?
The guillotine may actually be a fair amount more humane than current state sponsored execution methods like the electric chair and lethal injection.

Crazy crazy world we live in.

Of course for many state sponsored executions, humane is not what they are going for, instead they are going for what is not revolting/terrifying to watch. We want to "punish" the bad guy, but not be reminded of our own mortality and the horrors of death.

And ofcourse the hypocrisy of all these anti choice people because "it is killing of an innocent baby" that are all too happy to scream "death penalty" about a case they barely know about except for what they watched on tv.



I am an atheist that always likes a good debate
Please include @LogicFTW for responses to me
Tips on forum use. ▮ A.R. Member since 2016.

Kataclismic's picture


That "Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver is exactly what Algebe posted. More specifically the interview with the Wyoming state senator where he was talking about the death penalty and how without it there would be no Jesus. That's what started the conversation. Unfortunately, it has been removed completely, so here's another good one .

LogicFTW's picture
Ah whoops, I so rarely follow

Ah whoops, I so rarely follow video links posted here, but he even stated it was john oliver.. my bad :)

I have access to HBO, and catch up on episodes when I am "on the road" for work.

Sheldon's picture
LogicFTW "And ofcourse the

LogicFTW "And ofcourse the hypocrisy of all these anti choice people because "it is killing of an innocent baby" that are all too happy to scream "death penalty" about a case they barely know about except for what they watched on tv"

Whilst trying to festoon every public building they can find with the ten commandments, oh the irony.

LogicFTW's picture
And ofcourse I learned here,

And ofcourse I learned here, the 10 commandments is not universal, with each variation of a major church having their own slightly different 10 commandments (although thall shalt not kill I think is on most all of them.)

Sky Pilot's picture


Sheldon's picture
Many Christians don't know

Many Christians don't know this of course, so citing the ten commandments as a moral guide, then cheering as the state murders people is pretty ironic.

David Killens's picture
"Something can not come from

"Something can not come from nothing"

Kataclismic's picture
"You can't prove there is no

"You can't prove there is no god."

Cognostic's picture
"Why can't I use the Bible?

"Why can't I use the Bible? You are using a science book!"

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
"tacitus and Josephus both

"tacitus and Josephus both witnessed/wrote about Jesus at the time"

Nyarlathotep's picture
oh yeah, classic

oh yeah, classic

Cognostic's picture
"There were 5000 witnesses."

"There were 5000 witnesses."
"And what about the empty tomb?"

rat spit's picture
“And God looked at all He had

“And God looked at all He had made, and, behold, it was good.”

Mmm. Yeah. That’s my favourite. Like looking at a nice new sports car or smoking some good gunja. Like, “Shit, man. This stuff is good.

“And on the seventh day, God rolled a big joint out of that gunja He’d created earlier and got really high. Then he rested on the couch and tried not to think about Monday.”

Cognostic's picture
I'm Currently reading 'God

I'm Currently reading 'God Virus" and ran across these...... WARNING - CRINGE

I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won’t
have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and
Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!
-Jerry Falwell5

There will never be world peace until God’s house and God’s people are given
their rightful place of leadership at the top of the world.
-Pat Robertson6

The long-term goal of Christians in politics should be to gain exclusive
control over the franchise. Those who refuse to submit publicly to the
eternal sanctions of God by submitting to His Church’s public marks of the
covenant – baptism and holy communion – must be denied citizenship, just
as they were in ancient Israel.
-Gary North7

I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let
a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good ... Our goal is a Christian
nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called on by God to conquer this
country. We don’t want equal time. We don’t want pluralism.
-Randall Terry8

arakish's picture
And I remember seeing every

And I remember seeing every one of those sorry pieces of septic tank flotsam saying those bullshit statements on TV. Thanks for bringing back those memories of why I have fought against religion and what it does to people for my whole life.

Religion is Pure Evil.


SecularSonOfABiscuitEater's picture
Lol by that logic, I suppose

Lol by that logic, I suppose we shouldn't believe in oxygen. I knew oxygen was a hoax...

Randomhero1982's picture
Not so much a quote I enjoyed

Not so much a quote I enjoyed but the facial expressions of William Lane Craig in his debate with Physicist Sean Carroll.

Seeing it contorted and in anguish when Carroll points out that not only if he a feckless idiot, but also that he didnt understand what the fuck he was trying to discuss in regards to the borde guth vilenkin theorem.

And then Carroll doubled down by showing a quote from Guth himself who dismissed WLC point.

I almost wanked myself to death.

Sheldon's picture
How about...

How about...

You're misinterpreting the biblical text by taking it literally.

Always makes me roll my eyes that one.


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