GOD IS PUNISHING THE PHILIPPINES FOR RAMPANT HOMOSEXUALITY.
My x-gf was telling me about the volcano. She has her daughter and a cousin wearing a mask to protect then from the ash. The family lives in Batangas, fairly far away. I told her to give each of the girls a fork, put them outside, and tell them not to return home until they have killed a homosexual. God is testing them. Am I being cold and heartless? What would Jesus do?
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@cognostic
Hmm, might one surmise the split was not entirely amicable? . That's the kind of thing I'd say to my ex wife. Although, I'd
suggest she stand in path of a lava flow armed with a bottle of holy water and a bible.
Your suggestion sounds reasonable ,except for the hostility towards gays. Perhaps they could use the forks to kill a pig, and use the heat from the volcano to make lechon.
Send the gay spirits into the pigs and then run the pigs into a lava flow? I think I have heard of something like that being done in the name of JESUS before? As far as the homophobic hostility towards homosexuals goes, I agree 100%, but then I did not write the book of holy laws. Sarcastic bullshit is just my way of making the covert overt. :-)
@cognostic
Didn't Jesus cast out a bunch of demons into some handy pigs who then rushed into the sea and drowned. ? What an arsehole. Just because Jews don't like pigs.
Seems Jesus had a real temper. There was that time he cursed a fruit tree for not bearing fruit out of season. AND of course his tantrum with the money changers in the temple courtyard. --in reality he would have been thrashed by the temple guards and thrown out, I think. .
Addendum: If he had a temper ,that means he had a human weakness ,so was imperfect. In that case, he could not have been god, who is perfect.
Jesus would guide the hand of the US government and military and some Jews to create nukes. He would then send clouds to cover the primary target for the second bomb so that it would fall instead right next to a Christian church in Nagasaki, killing the priests and all the worshippers inside, but then, while men, women, and children were dying in agony from blast, heat, fire, and radiation, in His divine mercy He would preserve the slightly singed head from a stone statue of His mother. to be adored in perpetuity.
What can we learn from this miracle?
@Algebe
I am going to guess...
1) Eithir god idea does not actually exist
2) or the "god" idea cares far more about crude man made statues made in his honor then he does the people that made it. At least for those that prefer faith over reason.
I think this miracle and current events show that god just loves earthquakes, nuclear detonations and bushfires.
I like bush-fires too. *O!! Did I say that out loud???*
@Cog Re: Bush fires
They have antibiotics for those, ya know?
RE. Bush fires.
I am reminded of the story of a church in the US which was running a brothel on the side. As one droll journalist pointed out, that's fucking service for you, in the UK churches just talk about a burning bush, in the US they actually give you one.
Boom boom...
@Tin: How do you get rid of body crabs? (Reminds me of a joke.)
You shave yourself half bald.
Pour lighter fluid on the other half and then set it on fire.
When the crabs run to the bald side to escape the fire
You stab them with a fork.
@Cog Re: "How do you get rid of body crabs?"
Usually I just post tiny little signs down there that read, "ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CRAB BUFFET FOR ONLY $9.99". They tend to vacate the premises rather quickly upon seeing those.
@cognostic
Yep, we did that in army.
REALLY?WOW! Of course, would I lie?
The army also taught me a handy hint about what to do if you need a condom but don't have one:
Fill the bathroom sink with boiling water. Immerse entire scrotum. Leave for about 30 seconds. Remove. It is 100% guaranteed you will not be fathering any babies for some months, at the very least,.
REAL treatment for crabs; Shave pubic area, completely. Apply paint of magenta, lavishly. Repeat daily for 3 days. Paint of magenta only burned a lot. Also used for ring tinea and other rashes. Almost a panacea. Contraindicated for a sore throat and piles.
This is strange coz this all came from you, Cog. I'm always wary of religious people saying things like, "Natural disasters are caused by the gays." This is a sentiment that isn't actually rampant here in the Philippines. It might be a common sentiment wherever you're from. But here, in the Philippines, it is not. True that you'll find a few famous pastors saying this but never does it reach the point that Christians are told we must "kill a homosexual".
JoC: I concur. For some reason the Churches in the Philippines are extremely lenient when it comes to homosexuality, transgender, prostitution, and most other things that would freak out American Christians. (That, in no way, implies their dogma is different.) The Philippine people are much more accommodating to gender identity and sexual preference differences than Americas or many Western countries.
I lived in a country where every natural disaster was met with cries of tribulation and end of times. A country in which each and every natural disaster will be blamed on the homosexuals, unmarried mothers, and drug and alcohol using sinners.
As far as I can remember, I have always been blaming the homosexuals for any natural disaster in the threads. Hopefully you will take it as me being the Sarcastic Ass that I am. Cheers.
That's true. It sickens me quite frankly to see that some local pastors would even suggest it. Truth be told, I've heard countless stories from my own friends and family where their lives became for difficult directly following their "conversion". I wouldn't stake natural or man made disasters on any group of people.
Except maybe an outbreak of disease to anti-vaxxers.
@JoC: RE: "That's True" WHAT! FUCK YOU! You are supposed to say, "It's okay Cog, you are not that much of an Ass!" I will never respond to one of your fucking posts again!!!
Okay, with that being said.... I think blaming an outbreak of disease on anti-vaxxers would be completely reasonable.
Do you know that I said, "That's true" to? I was agreeing with you with how absurd blaming natural disasters on homosexuals.
I should have put " :-) " My fault --- Of course it's fucking absurd!
@Joc
So which other parts of the bible are completely wrong, and how do you know?
@Joc
It bemuses me that Christians love to claim that Jesus fulfilled the law . That tends to be interpreted as the old law no longer applies
EG dietary law, circumcision, stoning people who break the sabbath, stoning people for adultery, selling your daughter into slavery , or taking a recalcitrant child to the city gates and kill him. --- -----.It's a very long list. The Law of Moses contains 613 commandments. They are all found in the Pentateuch.
Then why do Christians cherry pick Leviticus and insist homosexuality is an abomination.? Jesus is silent on the issue, as he is with slavery.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Orthodox Jews jews still obey the Mitzvot as far as they can:
" Below is a list of the 613 mitzvot (commandments). It is based primarily on the list compiled by Rambam in the Mishneh Torah, but I have consulted other sources as well. As I said in the page on halakhah, Rambam's list is probably the most widely accepted list, but it is not the only one. The order is my own, as are the explanations of how some rules are derived from some biblical passages.
For each mitzvah, I have provided a citation to the biblical passage or passages from which it is derived, based primarily on Rambam. For commandments that can be observed today, I have also provided citations to the Chafetz Chayim's Concise Book of Mitzvot (CCA refers to affirmative commandments; CCN refers to negative commandments; CCI refers to commandments that only apply in Israel). Commandments that cannot be observed today primarily relate to the Temple, its sacrifices and services (because the Temple does not exist) and criminal procedures (because the theocratic state of Israel does not exist)."
http://www.jewfaq.org/613.htm
@Sheldon
"So which other parts of the bible are completely wrong, and how do you know?"
A sneaky attempt at trying to shift the burden of proof . Not up to us to prove what's wrong with the bible, it's up to believers to prove which parts, if any ,are true. What with being the mythology of christianity , judaism and at least in part ,of Islam.
My position that very little if any of the bible (old and new new testaments) is true/right. That is due to the lack of proof for the proposition that the bible is true/right.
At best, all that can be claimed is some bits MIGHT be or could be true.
Biblical scholars such as Bart Ehrman have shown there is in fact a LOT wrong with the bible. This reinforces my opinion that most of the bible, at least, is mythology, fantasy and bald faced lies. .
As much as I'd like to get sucked into a discussion on this, we're getting off track. My comments on here don't in anyway claim that Catholicism is true. It also doesn't claim that INC's teachings are false. The only thing I was saying was Catholics don't consider INC members Christian as they don't believe in the Trinity.
Basically, I'm simply putting forth the Catholic Church's definition for Christians. It's basically the same as atheists calling me a "theist" because I believe in God. I could claim to be an atheist and justify my atheism by saying I don't believe in other gods. You get my point?
@ JoC
"Basically, I'm simply putting forth the Catholic Church's definition for Christians. It's basically the same as atheists calling me a "theist" because I believe in God. I could claim to be an atheist and justify my atheism by saying I don't believe in other gods. You get my point?"
I wish to point out the failed logic practiced by the roman catholic church and anyone who accept their claim.
The roman catholic church is a sub-set of christianity. Yet in the arrogance of roman catholics, they proclaim they are the true form of christianity. They definitely were not the first christian sect. Yes, they eventually became the most powerful. And then it became a matter of "might makes right" because they had the physical power to torture or kill anyone who disagreed with them.
You are not an atheist, because if you beleive in just one god, you are a theist. This is not just a matter of a majority vote or percentages, it is binary, you either believe in a god of gods, or you do not.
Just for clarification, do you believe in the trinity?
I do in believe in the Trinity. I don't see what's wrong with simply stating the definition that Catholics have for the term Christian. Just like theism and atheism, it is a binary. Either one is a Christian or one is not. Just like saying either one is a theist or one is an atheist.
The problem arises when people claim to be one thing but are not. I say this particular sect is not Christian as they deny the Trinity. They can be their own thing. I know some Christians draw the line at "believing in Christ" to be a Christian. I'm fine with that but it's not the standard I adhere to. I certainly wouldn't put it at, "We say we're Christian therefore we are," and I doubt you'd apply the same standard.
If you do wish to apply that standard, then call me an atheist coz I say that I am one.
@ JoC
"If you do wish to apply that standard, then call me an atheist coz I say that I am one."
Please, you are not an atheist because you believe in a god. Just because you do not believe in the other thousands of deities invented by the minds of men, you are still a theist. You can play all the redefinition games in your theistic world, but I take umbrage when you attempt to redefine atheism.
I was just wondering about the holy trinity thing, because that implies that your jesus is now in your supposed heaven. So jesus did not die, and the basic foundation of christianity fails because he did not sacrifice himself for mankind. He knew what was going to happen, he just had a very crappy weekend, then got promoted to heaven as vice-president of everything.
That's one way to put it. Let me try to paint it in a different light so you can understand it how I would.
"So jesus did not die, and the basic foundation of christianity fails because he did not sacrifice himself for mankind."
Just because Jesus is in heaven doesn't mean he didn't die. That's practically the definition of the afterlife. Jesus' case was different though in that after he died, he rose again.
"He knew what was going to happen, he just had a very crappy weekend, then got promoted to heaven as vice-president of everything."
Foreknowledge doesn't preclude that everything actually happened the way it did. When I got my wisdom teeth removed, it didn't preclude it from actually happening. I felt actual pain after my surgery. With Jesus' case, he was actually put to the death, actually crucified. Could he have prevented himself from feeling pain? I think he could but chose not to. In that case, we felt everything a man who would be crucified would've felt.
"... got promoted to heaven as vice-president of everything."
This assumes he didn't have any sort of "position" before he did this. I won't go into the nuances of the trinity and will for the time being accept your vice president analogy. A more apt description would be that the vice president , after being crucified and dying, simply went back to his position as vice president.
*** As to my comments about being an atheist, I was simply replying to a comment where I was accused to not considering certain groups as Christians (ones that say they are) simply because they don't follow my definition. My reply being, everyone does this. We don't say someone is ________ simply because they claim to be _______.
I had a good chuckle. Thanks for that one
JoC: While we are on the Philippines, one of the saddest things I ever heard was when my Girlfriends daughters told me that the poor people sleeping in the doorways with their children all covered in dirt were being tested by God.
I told them that their mommy was going to test them as well and force them to live on the street with no shoes and no money for a month. The girls go to a Christian school, Iglesia ni Cristo. This is the SHIT they are being taught.
I literally told them that there God was a piece of shit for treating people the way he does. NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE TESTED LIKE THAT. No God who loves his children would force them to live on the streets and suffer in filth.
The youngest girl is certainly beginning to question, and has gotten in trouble at school for doing so. GOOD FOR HER. The older is more conservative but and wants to believe but admits she is doing so without good reason. Only based on her feelings. I am actually okay with that. The only justification any human being has for believing in a magical deity is "It just feels right to me."
I can't argue with that. What will I say? "No it does not feel right to you!" The argument from personal experience, in my opinion, is in fact the Theist stronghold. But, as soon as they start asserting their god is anything but a personal feeling with no evidentiary support at all.
Oh. Iglesia ni Cristo (INC) isn't considered Christian by the Catholic church as they reject the Trinity. I have other really serious concerns about their practices too. They have a lot of questionable practices which I won't go into right now. A friend of mine is involved with INC right now and almost everything he tells me just reeks of cult like behavior.
Re: JoC - "A friend of mine is involved with INC right now and almost everything he tells me just reeks of cult like behavior."
...*perplexed look*... Wait... Let me get this straight... The Catholic Church does not recognize a specific Catholic group as "True Christians" because that group interprets the bible differently. And a Catholic member is "concerned" about the same group because that group "reeks of cult-like behavior"???.... *blank stare*... *right corner of mouth beginning to twitch*.... *rapid random blinking*...
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