I just wanted to let you guys know; I might not be dropping by for a while. Over the next few weeks I’ll be undergoing some intense psychological counselling and physiological therapy.

Last night, I ... it’s hard to say this ... I put on a penis ring that was three sizes too small for me. With total disregard for life and limb I downed ten or twelve extra strength Cialis.

For the next seven hours, I was in some intense pain. I tried thinking of baseball. I watched videos of cats. At one point I even watched some ISIS videos of Middle Eastern Men having their heads hacked off. None of it worked. The erection was ... was the most devastating erection I’ve had in a while.

I finally went to the hospital where they administered a concentrated dose of snake venom into source of my pain. Within minutes I was counting my blessings and back to normal. But I may never be the same.

I’ve always prided my self on having a larger than average penis compared to the national average size of penises in my country. Now my penis has a severe bend in it.

I know you guys don’t believe in prayers; but look up at the night sky for me. If you see a shooting star - keep me in your thoughts. And to all the theists on this website - if there’s one guy right now who could use our mighty LORD’s support - it’s me.

Needless to say - “Butt Pirates 3” might never happen. I lost my University funding for the project. All of my main cast has moved on to other productions.

Best Regards,

rat spit