Why I find it hard to be a feminist

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Sasha94's picture
Why I find it hard to be a feminist

Just to be clear, I am a woman. No male chauvinist here. And I find it terribly hard to advocate for or be proud of my gender at the moment, as feminism seems to be a trend right now.

I feel pretty bad for a lot of hard working men who's achievements get completely ignored or unnoticed due to them being, well, a white male. I know many men who feel like they are seen as naturally bad or wrong just because they are fortunate enough not to have mood swings every month and have the burden of childbirth on their shoulders. Now, I'm totally 100% an equal rights campaigner, really whoever isn't has something wrong with their IQ, but since when has 'equal rights' meant choosing a woman over a man in an interview just to get a 50/50 gender ratio in the workplace 'equal' at all?

I used to be a pretty hardcore feminist. Probably due to my religious schooling ramming male supremacy down my throat since I was like 6 (of whom were all women, not men, degrading themselves). I was all about empowerment for women. But I'm almost going the opposite way now and I'm feeling pretty lousy about being a woman recently, and heres a few reasons why.

(baring in mind this is totally generalising and this is my experience)

1. I hear so many women complain about the fact that they aren't in a higher paid role in comparison to their male colleagues, yet do absolutely nothing about it to get themselves there.

Gals. If you want to get into the male-dominated high-wage jobs then you need to work your asses off just like those men did. You aren't entitled to getting it for any less than a man just because you have a uterus. We are living in an age where it is almost favourable for you to be a woman due to pressure on companies to get the 50/50 ratio.

2. I hear new mothers groan about how they gave up their careers to raise their children and how *he* gets away with it and gets to keep his professional status and yet as soon as you mention they should talk to their partner about sharing the childcare workload they completely reject it and say they do not trust their partner to look after them well.

I know many men who are absolutely brilliant fathers and the idea that men aren't as good as raising kids is nonsense, and very outdated. This mentality is only reinforcing the stereotypes that women have the main role of child raising, and funny how its actually the women who are their worst enemies by not allowing this progress to the 21st century!

3. Women expect other women to choose babies over a career.

This is the one that makes my blood boil. For a start it is not everyones cup of tea to have children, and also a career is also not for everyone. But I have had woman upon woman question my decision to choose the latter and label me as broken because of it. Funnily enough the men mostly completely respect my decision and encourage me to do what I want to do. It seems that even though the western 21st century has tried to educate people away from the "woman are for child-raising" mindset it is actually the women we have to convince of this matter, not the men in a lot of cases.

4. Most of the 'die hard' religious people I know are women

I remember reading a statistical analysis that showed that women were a lot more likely to be religious than men, and less questioning to their beliefs. This just makes me sad. (pretty sure most members on here are men)

Basic summary: Us women don't make it any easier for ourselves!

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Nyarlathotep's picture
Sasha - Gals. If you want to

Sasha - Gals. If you want to get into the male-dominated high-wage jobs then you need to work your asses off just like those men did.

That is some pretty disturbing innuendo, it's almost like you are saying women are lazy in comparison with men.

Sasha94's picture
@nyarlathotep I feel like

@nyarlathotep I feel like western society is reinforcing this idea that women are so hard done to and are entitled to good things coming their way which allows/encourages women to be lazy. The statement was specifically aimed at the whining man-haters I hear every week blaming their misfortunes on men rather than their inability to fight for what they want to do. These are the kinds of women I see calling themselves 'feminists' and I have no time for these woman who put all of their problems on men and just whine about it.

dogalmighty's picture
Religiosity, predominantly

Religiosity, predominantly female eh? Interesting...what study was that? From my personal experience, I find women to be much more questioning about things than men. Then again, my women company are very intelligent in general.

Peurii's picture
It's a well documented find,
Sasha94's picture
@doG There were literally so

@doG There were literally so many search results when I typed this in that I chose the top one as it happened to word it in the way that I feel is true https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-secular-life/201409/why-are-... . But the original stats which I was referring to in my original comment was an official government survey which is conducted in the UK every ten years I believe, however I think that's been archived.

Its a really interesting study and I would love to get behind the reasons for it. But at the same time its a harsh reality which really makes me feel pretty lousy to be a member of this gender sometimes haha.

Glacier's picture
It's really interesting and

It's really interesting and paradoxical, but when women were granted the right to vote politics shifted to the left despite the fact that women are more socially conservative and religious.

So even though religiosity correlates with right-wing politics, being male does so more than religiosity, which is why women can be both more left-wing and more religious & socially conservative at the same time.

Cognostic's picture
@Sasha: "But since when has

@Sasha: "But since when has 'equal rights' meant choosing a woman over a man in an interview just to get a 50/50 gender ratio in the workplace 'equal' at all?"

I think this statement hits the nail on the head. The people that get noticed in the movement are the Men Haters. They are the one's most vocal and the ones the media like to focus on because that will get them views. Anything concerning a real issue in equality between men and women is just not worth covering.

1. I hear so many women complain about the fact that they aren't in a higher paid role/ And the completely miss the fact that men are competitive. We grow up playing sports and winning is important to us.. Often when I do hear women complain, they are complaining about the same things men deal with every day but they see it as the male putting them down. Men keep each other down. That is the world of business and money. It has nothing to do with what sex or gender. It has to do with business and the corporate world. Hell, I am in education and it is the same. You want your piece of pie, you have to reach out and take it.

I've not read the other posts yet but find myself mostly agreeing with all you have said.

Sasha94's picture
@Cognostic I think much of

@Cognostic I think much of what I've said will ring true to a lot of men's feelings, although it saddens me to think that most men are unable to voice their concerns on this topic due to being branded 'sexist' (hence why I feel, as a woman, I actually have a voice on this topic). And in response to the 'man hater' ideology which you mentioned I completely agree. I hate this current culture where a women can actively say whatever she wants against a man and the men have to just take it, because in the distant past men were chauvinists and now all men deserve to be tarred with that brush and be punished *sarcasm*. But a guy only has to make one out-of-place joke about a woman and he could be sacked for being sexist.

This is a good point you make about men being more competitive than women, and I think this is a big reason why I have always felt a little harsh towards my gender as a whole because I am actually very competitive myself and fail to see why other women are not too and settle for second best.

chimp3's picture
I am a man and don't find it

I am a man and don't find it at all difficult to be a feminist.

Sasha94's picture
@chimp3 And I totally respect

@chimp3 And I totally respect you for that. If anything it is mostly the men whom have really shown 'true' feminism and not this 'female superiority' spiel which many women are pushing at the moment.

chimp3's picture
I am a man and don't find it


arakish's picture
I have been all for equality

I have been all for equality ever since I found that really like girls over ½ a century ago.

The feminism today is not about equality. It is only about men-hatred, men-bashing. If the feminists of today had their way, they'd simply all males. At least that is what it seems to me.

If me wife were still alive, she'd be on the feminist forums using language that would even make a sailor blush.

That is all I am saying. If I got started…


Sasha94's picture


Totally agree with your comments on feminism being about man-bashing. Its a pretty disappointing movement.

Nyarlathotep's picture
I've heard the same

I've heard the same complaints about just about every movement that tries to assert they be treated fairly. By now it seems like boilerplate.

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