a little hope

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alexandra96's picture
a little hope

Hello, I'm from Libya, I'm 21 years old, my life changed since I graduated from high school in 2013 
as a child I had many experiences with physical and verbal abuse and rape so growing up I had to fight inside me, my phobias because of the treatment I deal with, I lived in a country where good daughter never say no and I didn't have any right to decide to do what I want in my life so I had many  psychological problems and phobias and I don't know how to express my feelings, I'm so curious person and since I had no one to talk with so I had to handle things by myself, I never felt loved so I lost my trust, also because I don't look like my sisters or my parents, even people around treated me  with racism, but I always keep smiling even if I felt so painful I focused on study  but there were some problems with speaking because I had social phobia and I cant read in class and I was afraid to speak or make friend so I was  lonely  and in school they did the same, there was limited line of questions so I wasn't free to think too we only have to save what they say and not allowed to ask but I was smart enough to save and study hard so I was top 1 at my classes, when I get upset because I had no one I used to go to an abandoned house nearby. so one time When I entered that house, I remember that I took some white papers hung them on the wall and, with help of my imagination, I saw myself as an artist at her first gallery. It was the best moment in my life. I used to dream about living that day in reality after studying art at a real academy. in 2013 I graduated from high school as I said, then I wanted to study art, but my family didn’t allow me to do that, they say art is useless, so only hopeless people study art and it's illegal for Muslim people. So I had no chance to start enjoying my life in something I really want or to find an art school here. so I kept following my passions and do thing I love secretly 
I decided to learn art myself and to fight for my passion. Art is the way to express myself, so I will never stop drawing. I started to search on the internet to learn new things about art and read some books about old masters. Also, I sold some stuff and worked so  I could buy some art materials from abroad cuz here you cant find then tried to improve my skills by watching art videos  and practice when I had chance because Libya's internet is so bad and here I start to fight, my family, society, and religion, since I was close to the world so I decided to create art page in facebook then religious people start to threat me  they hacked 9 accounts, trying to get some information about me but I used a fake name that I created because if everything happened I started a conflict with myself I had a hard time tat I'll never forget, I thought it will be the end soon and I wanted to kill myself because of pain and nightmares . after that for many reasons I left Islam religion, I tried to connect many different Organizations, Scholarships, Adoption and other things , never find libya in any of them ,I did many crazy things but it never workes  it just like I lived as an invisible person that no one could understandso I lost hope even my heart become weak because I had enough handling things I had no more power 
I tried to give myself chance in 2016 I attended Libya comic-con my art mates were caught by religious people but I was lucky because I wear a mask so they thought I was a guy then for other so I back to being close to others again then treats and because I never date they keep saying I'm Lesbian and such a thing     and they kept looking for me but I always careful about that, the same thing happens in this comic con I went the first day but I was a kittle sick at the second day so I didnt go, religous people this time catch all my friends and they're missing till now. they destroyed my artworks and look for me there but I was lucky again, I wanted to kill myself because even my heart can't handle any more 
this time I broke my phobia and talk with my parents, our relationship wasn't that good and when I said I wanna study abroad in korea because i always interested about it and because I had people who always cheers me up from korea and I knew many good artists from there and it's my biggest goal to go there or anywhere non muslim countries then they say no I'm female female should get married ( as you know Muslims rules) so I couldn't finish study or work, I couldn't get any help, waking up everyday realising that u have so many dreams and goals but you can't do anything living in hell waiting for death or people come to kill you and living in unsafe place in a war while you have much power and things to give  it is the worst nightmare ever it's a psychological torture
I come here and write  a short part of my  story to people willing that you may help me even advises, you are my last hope, I know it's dangerous but it worth it
I wanna study abroad and leave this nightmare. and work hard on myself then help people who had life like me and others   will you give me the hand?
thank you so much for reading  and please share my link for a little help



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mykcob4's picture
Dear alex.

Dear alex.
This is the wrong place and wrong way to ask for help. This is a debate forum. If you look at the top of the page on the banner you will see the "resource" button. Click it and you might find what you need.

Cognostic's picture
Not sure what your Major area

Not sure what your Major area of study is but I work at a university in Korea. Woosong University in Daejeon. The way you get to any university is to go on line and apply.

Citteni's picture
That's great. A little hope

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johnaube455's picture
Salutations, my fellow

Salutations, my fellow egalitarians! As someone who is actively involved in the atheist community, I often find myself exploring the expansive online realm, where people share ideas and engage in thought-provoking discussions. Here, logic takes precedence, and ideas fly around at the speed of light, much like the universe itself.

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