Cyber, It may be nothing, but I tend totake suicide talk seriously. Is there anything you/ we can do?
Of course, it could be a bunch of bullshit, but just in case...
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AU, sent you a PM.
I posted with links for information on asylum in the US that I found and put in my Dropbox in case he could not access US gov sites.
But as AU said, anything else can be done?
I visited my psychiatrist (he's a muslim) and told him about my crazy nightmares.
Well, that was a mistake. He says, why don't you do X and Y (both fucked up islamic methods) to get rid of nightmares?
Then I ask him that do nightmares really come real? I was expecting my psychiatrist to be knowledgeable but here's his answer:
"As a muslim, you shouldn't worry about bad dreams. Whether you believe in them or not, it's okay."
Like what the fuck? Whether I believe in them or not? I clearly told him I don't believe in those dreams and I don't want to follow any islamic methods.
I'm never going back, his response shows that everyone is an illiterate in my country.
Anyways, after this crap incidence, I came out of my room at night and saw that my mom was just coming up from stairs. My brother's here as well for few more days and he's been having some sore throat issues so mom being a doctor takes care of him. Anyways, I came out of the room and stood in the middle of the lounge thinking of whether I should just jump off the house without telling anyone or not. While I was lost in my thoughts, tears were falling on the floor (I was crying without any noise, straight face yet eyes were flooded). My mom noticed me.
Her behavior's different towards me. When the dream sharing episode happened few weeks ago and some other dramas by her, I became super angry and burnt every islamic book in the house. I told dad to show me every fucking book in the house and light all of them. I've done such things before as well as a response to my parents' behavior and that was one of the times when she said she'll hand me to the police. Anyways, when this burning episode happened, my mom said to me, "You are on your own now, forget us".
Ok, so first my mom fucks me up with her absurd responses towards my dreams which I shared just because I thought she'll PROBABLY understand but I forgot that she's a conservative muslim and now she tells me I'm on my own? I've always been on my own. No shit sherlock, I've been alone ever since I became an atheist. The only initial support I received was from my brother.
Anyhow, I was in the lounge, tears falling. Mom called dad and then my brother. I went inside my room, still silently crying. My brother being most understanding of all, told my parents to leave the room to us. He then talked to me.
Even though my brother is a muslim as well and sometimes his words hurt me alot, he was the person who helped me in becoming an atheist when I knew nothing about this. He also recommended me this website Atheist Republic (Which I had already known before but his recommendation restored my faith in him).
He talked to me for 2 and a half hours and that was helpful. He knows how to bring me up when I'm down. He's one of the only family members who hugs me. Nobody else does it, at least not after I became an atheist.
Right now, I'm not feeling that bad. I'm going to try to logically counter my absurd stuck belief that dreams are real or that there's such thing as "Religious dreams". After reading through the replies on my suicide topic, I've realized there's no such thing as religious dreams or good or bad dreams. Dreams are dreams. Thanks to Tin-Man for excellent explanations.
I did some research on US asylum rules and realized the application cannot be given unless the person is physically present in the US. This is hard especially if i tell my parents I want to get an asylum because I'm fed up of everything here. It will create another drama. I only shared the asylum idea with my brother. He was ok with it but he said it will be very difficult considering that I have to do everything alone.
Right now, he suggests me to accept one of the offers I received from an australian university for Foundation + Bachelors (total 4 years). I am scared of accepting it because everyone has told me that I have to earn money for everything there (living, studies, food, transport). I'm already in such a sensitive state of mind that any stress is enough to break me. But my bro says that leaving this environment is very important for me. I don't know what to do yet. I'm still thinking of the risks involved. If I failed in my studies in australia, it will be a disaster. If I became sick there due to stress, it will be messed up.
Right now, I'm just trying to stay sane and fix my brain, get rid of shitty beliefs about dreams.
But thank you for the support guys, you really are like a second family to me.
Maybe you could find some caricative association in Australia? Anyway I'm sorry for you. Hope you will get better.
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