In Soviet Russia God Hates You

Putin seems to be sinking deeper and deeper into insanity and paranoia these days with his most recent dive into the crazy pool, and I’m not talking about Syria (there are enough people talking about that already). It seems that Russia has signed into law prohibiting homosexual propaganda. That’s right, you did just read that, homosexual propaganda! In the US, they recognise gay marriage equal to heterosexual marriage, but in Russia they have homosexual propaganda. This isn’t the 1940’s, Putin. I’m surprised they don’t run black and white grainy videos depicting gays as invading rodents like the Nazis did with the Jews before the war.

“How well do you know your neighbour? How does he feel about Lady Gaga? On what night does he go clubbing?” These are the questions we free citizens of Mother Russia need to know. The homosexual, we are told, can come in many forms. Often they do not act like the typical homosexual we all know and fear; they can appear normal—so one must remain vigilant! If one stays in contact with the homosexual for too long, it is possible to catch the disease. From there you could spread it at work, to a passersby, even your wife and children. If we are to defend ourselves against the homosexual, we must first be able to identify the homosexual. So if you have any doubts about your neighbour’s or family member’s sexuality, contact your local police station and they will launch the investigation for you. This has been a public service announcement brought to by Russian State TV and God!”

Homosexual Propaganda? Fucking hell…maybe I should explain it better! What this bill does is ban the distribution of “propaganda of non-traditional sex” and of gay rights campaigns anywhere in Russia. So not only are they not allowed to talk about it, they are also not allowed to protest about not being allowed to talk about it. But I don’t personally understand the wording of the bill; “non-traditional” it says, but that could mean anything! Are blow jobs okay? Are they traditional? What about doggy style? Are we still allowed to tie each other up? When did role-play become traditional? Please tell me masturbation is still okay!

Apparently, any violation of this new insane law, by the media or internet will be met with “heavy fines,” much to the joy of the Russian people. Russian opinion on homosexuality is among the most hostile in the world, with a survey this year finding that a staggering 74% of Russians think homosexuality should not be accepted by society. This figure actually rose from 60% from 2002. And I blame religion for this, because what other reason would you have to hate homosexuals other than “God don’t like ‘em,” which never seems to get old? There are those among you (idiots mostly) that will say this is not a religious but a political issue. But may I just remind you of the other recent law passed in Russia by the highly religious Putin? The lovely anti-blasphemy law. This legally indefinable law will mean extended jail sentences and/or fines of up to 300,000 roubles (nearly $10,000 or £6,000) for those who offend religious sensibilities. Could you imagine how much money the Russian government could make off secular activists? They’d have enough to scare America again. The problem with this law is that it is too vague, because if you are an atheist reading this, you know that simply declaring that you don’t believe in God to a theist is enough for them to get offended (let alone all the clever witticisms and snappy comebacks we like to exhibit). So be careful if you ever visit Russia. If anyone asks, just remember: “God is great, science is rubbish, and homosexuals and atheists burn in hell,” as that apparently isn’t classed as offensive.

This is what happened with Pussy Riot, remember those girls? They were a band that criticised the Russian Orthodox Church’s involvement in Putin’s election campaign and got arrested and sentenced to three years in jail for it. I thought they should have gotten arrested too, not for the political message, but just for being really crap musicians. In any case, apparently having an opinion can be a very dangerous thing in Russia.

Russia is becoming more and more paranoid, like when the Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov claimed that Russia’s votes were stolen at the Eurovision song contest. Does anyone even still watch Eurovision? And recently, Russian State TV released a film (which I can’t get hold of, but have read about) blaming America for the clashes between anti-government protestors and the police. To me, all this is just a smokescreen; Russia is closing the lid, isolating themselves and spreading fear among the people to a degree we’ve not seen since the Cold War. Russian officials say the West is pulling away from Russia, and I can tell you now that there is no paranoia in that statement. The West is indeed pulling away from Russia, and if it doesn’t shake off this current frenzied mindset, it will be left behind entirely.

These are potentially the early days of something big on its way; I don’t know what that something is, but with Russia, Africa and parts of Asia going back in time and the US and Europe moving forward, the world is becoming very divided. When one country does something to promote equality, another will lash out with harsh rulings. Religion is losing its death-lock on the world and it knows it.

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