I was raised in a southern Baptist family. I was brought to church often as a young child, and less so as a pre-teen. I was into the whole "Jesus died for your sins" thing as a young child, but the stories were so grim and I felt so bad for Jesus, how could I NOT buy into it? Later, as I learned more and more from science class and forming my own conclusions about the world and how it works, god seemed like a cruel bastard. Several events triggered my total rejection of his existence. First, why would a loving and caring god let me be abused as a child? Why would he stand by and let some nasty old man do things to a child that no child should know about from personal experience? Second, much later, Princess Diana's death appalled me. How could such a loving and sweet person be killed in such an awful way? Third, my favorite comedian at the time, Chris Farley was found dead in his hotel room. Yeah, the second and third reasons are strange reasons to doubt the existence of a god, but it was really just the icing on the cake for me. People die every second, good and bad, but for some reason, those two just tipped my beliefs over the edge.

I was 13 when I began to question my belief in the Christian god. My mother had grown more and more religious over the years and peaked during my teen years (and continues). My brother was kicked out of the house for various reasons at age 16, one being that he kept listening to Marilyn Manson - supposed Antichrist in my mom's eyes - and I loved the music, but to her it was Satan's work and it wasn't allowed in her house!

When I began exploring my sexuality around this time, I always remembered how my mom would preach that masturbation was a sin and that I should never ever touch myself. Yeah, totally listened to that - a lot. Sex before marriage was a sin...yeah, don't think she expected me to uphold to that one, and I so didn't.

There were times when I was feeling depressed or upset about something and my mom would come to my room and try to console me with the "eternal and unconditional love of Jesus Christ who died for our sins." These times would last for no less than an hour. I loathed these one-sided conversations. I didn't just not believe in Jesus and god at this time, I HATED them. How can you hate something you don't believe? I dunno, but I did.

I have never had issues with dating any religious people, as I have always been very selective in that area. How can I be happy with someone that believes completely different than I do? I married a fellow atheist and am so glad that I did. I can't imagine the struggle of raising a child (as another person's post addresses) in a religiously divided home. However, there's still the fact that my entire family is Christian, every single person. I told my mom and dad that I am atheist just a few years ago, and throughout the years, they kind of guessed at it anyway...but, my mom still preaches to me about how much god loves us and cares for us. I can roll my eyes and ignore all of that bullshit, but she tries to pull my son into it and it pisses off both me and my husband. We live 1,000 miles away from our families now, and we have kept our son (now 10 years old) out of anything religious. We have told him that he is free to believe in whatever he chooses, but I don't want him to try and convert me into any of his beliefs, ever. As of now, he is very scientifically-minded. He understands that tangible facts are easier to believe than non-tangible fiction. Anyway, when we go back "home" to visit family, my mom pulls my son into her religious bullshit, such as "what's the true meaning of Christmas/Easter?" Yeah, my son knows the answer to these questions from earlier indoctrination attempts, but I set the record straight using FACTS about the holiday. I tell him he can still believe what he wants, but he needs to have all of the facts before deciding.

My mom begged me to go to a Hell House with her one year, when my son was too young to understand any of the imagery. I tried to make excuses but went anyway, her paying my way ($15). It was sooooo pathetic. For those of you that don't know what a Hell House is, it is an elaborate thematic story where scenes of the story take place in different rooms of a church or wherever it's being held. The scenes depict the normal lives of sinning teenagers, and one or two god-fearing ones. Events happen throughout their lives and ultimately they are faced with death and make a decision to repent or not. The ones that don't repent spend their lives in Hell and the ones that do repent are received by Jesus at the gates of Heaven. Ugh. I was a total atheist at this point and the whole thing was a huge joke to me. I contained my snide remarks within for my own amusement. At the end of the whole Hell House thing is the main room of the church and you can go take one of the dumb little Chick booklets (https://www.chick.com) and the preacher was standing by to renew or convert people. I was so flabbergasted at the dumbass people that went up to the steps of the preacher, kneeled and took his blessing of renewal. I told my husband about it when I got back home and he rolled his eyes. Dumbest shit I have ever personally seen in the Baptist community.

My dad is a religious, god-loving man, but he has never, ever pushed his beliefs on me or anyone else. He never liked when mom pushed religion down my throat, as he believes in forming your own beliefs based on your own experience and discoveries. I recently told him that I wanted to become Buddhist, but I had no sangha (Buddhist community of monks and nuns) to guide me, and he was incredibly happy for me. Yes, I still aspire to be Buddhist and try to uphold the precepts, but it is very difficult without a sangha and the proper discipline. Buddhists are not theist (some are, but most aren't). I maintain my atheism and still want a sense of spirituality, because I do have my own spiritual beliefs that does not consist of a heaven, hell, or deities.

I want to be apart of a local secular, atheist organization, but living in a military community in the deep south is not conducive to such aspirations. If I were to publicly declare that I am atheist and support such a local organization, finding a job in the south would be much more difficult than it already is. (We will hopefully be moving out of Louisiana next year and into a more secular state.) Most all companies are Equal Opportunity Employers, but that does not mean shit to a religious hiring manager that would simply deny my application because I am atheist. For some reason, atheism has the stigma that we are immoral heathens.

Fear is power. Theistic religions like Christianity use fear to increase their numbers, and it works. Theistic religion is poison, a plague upon humanity.

I apologize for such a long, boring post. More to say than I thought.