What is the foundation of who you are and your purpose in life? Of course this question will be different for everyone and I'm curious to hear your responses.
I reluctantly left Christianity 13 years ago, and arrived at atheism 3 years ago. Those 10 years in between were devoted to trying to find the truth of reality/god, and it tore me apart emotionally. I've talked to other Christians who have left the faith who experienced a sense of freedom, but I've never felt that. I feel like I've lost the being that I loved more than anything and that I planned to devote my whole life to. I've lost the guarantee that my life actually makes a difference in the world and that I have constant support in making that difference. I lost the magic of truly believing in miracles and divine intervention/purpose. And now I'm left to live the rest of my life without any innate purpose, god-given gifts/talents, confidence in the future, or a loving being constantly by my side.
I've had issues with depression since puberty, but the last 3 years have been pretty devastating for me. It's gotten more manageable since being in therapy. I find myself trying to find ways to create joy in everyday life: spending time with good people, hiking, learning, contributing to others, etc. and while that has been nice, it's not budging the underlying issue: Life feels empty and purposeless to me now, and my confidence has taken a nosedive. While I've had people respond to me with "Great, now do whatever you want with life!", I'm not sure how to explain to them that there is very little appeal for me in that.
My therapist has emphasized that the work to be done now is to create a new foundation for my life. To find a new perspective that gives meaning, purpose, confidence and joy. I'm in no way trying to avoid the tough realities of the world, but I am looking to live a fulfilling life that does not only wallow in those tough realities, but can create joy for myself and others.
So I'm curious to hear what perspectives have been empowering for you. What makes life worth living? What do you live for?
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My life is marked by curiosity and learning. It is a simple journey from birth to death. If I am not enjoying myself, I am doing something wrong. I am a professor at a university and love my job. But then, I have never kept a job I did not like for very long. Life is about challenges and I am looking forward to my next one. I have never understood the push to get married and have a family. I like traveling, spending my money on me, and not dealing with bitchy girlfriends. I have met some amazing women and lucky for me. most are like me and have no interest in the expectations pressed upon us by culture and society. I am currently living and traveling throughout South East Asia. Life is great.
Wow I am so happy that I'm not the only one who doesn't feel like I "need" a girlfriend or anything. I don't really understand that push by society either.
Stone Jade
Try, J. Krishnamurti. Audio books on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOowwi8xYUA&t=54s
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll have to check it out.
I dont quite know if this will help, but for me personally, just the fact that im the winner of 800 million sperm cells I competed against makes me the happiest guy alive. What I'm trying to say is just the fact that I'm actually here brings so much joy every day to me. It's the reason why I didn't kill myself when I was depressed a couple times. Also magic is pretty cool check that out. Theres a a huge community behind it :)
@Stu
You play MTG? My stepson is really hardcore into that. While I admit I do not fully understand it, I have to say it is fascinating to me all the technicalities involved with it.
@Stone
Pressed for time right now, plus on my phone. Internet is also down due to a storm last night. Anyway, when I am able to get back to my computer, I'll be back to respond to your OP. Meanwhile, I can see others are already giving good advice, as I knew they would. Take care.
Ahaha no, I meant "real" magic. Like David Blaine and stuff. I used to love to collect YuGiOh cards though
Haha! That's been a helpful thought for me as well. It blows my mind that I'm here against astronomical odds. Consciousness is a real treat, and I'm glad I got so lucky to get to experience it.
Also, I could pull off some badass card tricks as a kid. Maybe I have supernatural powers, after all...
@Stone
You ever watch any "Penn & Teller: Fool Us"? Look it up on YouTube. Some really talented magicians on that show. Plus, I just really like Penn & Teller.
I do not have a "Purpose", that is a loaded word. But I do have goals and expectations.
I want to enjoy this life in a very positive manner, and to also make those around me happy too.
Biologically I am programmed (I prefer to use that term instead of "Purpose") to survive and propagate. Survival means securing a roof over my head, food in my pantry, and physical protection. Propagating is to have children. There is nothing else built in, my biological goals are well defined.
But emotionally and intellectually, the advanced brain of humans seeks to expand on the basic genetic programming. The moment our ancient ancestors had leisure time, they began making art, cave drawings. The same applies with our curiosity and (for most) desire to learn. This is where our advanced brains can wreak havoc, inventing imaginary entities, making war just because, or obsessing over a single activity.
Stone Jade, from your post I have the impression that you have been told for years that you must have a "purpose", that in some manner you must serve a higher purpose or goal. It is my sincere expectation that you break free from this intellectual and emotional weight, that will crush you down as long as you abide by that imaginary goal.
And that is just it, a "purpose" is an imaginary and unrealistic goal set by others who seek to control you.
If you want to make this world a better place, there are many tasks you can take up. You can volunteer for the local food bank, a hospital, anything where you can give your time helping those less fortunate.
Life is good. The only other option is not good, which is death. So embrace life as something positive, that behind every cloud there is a silver lining, and tomorrow brings a new adventure.
For myself, my goals are simple. To provide for my wife, not only financially but emotionally. I also have hobbies that can occupy me 100% of the time, and I make good use of my hobbies. Every few months my brain will lead to research some technical aspect, for example the design and construction of battleships. Or ITER. I can spend months heavily researching and learning weird shit.
I am also a rabid motorsports freak. My real world racing days are long past, but I am heavily invested in darn serious sim racing. I also follow closely many racing series and watch the weirdest races at the weirdest hours. At present I am a manager in a sim racing team and I am busy herding cats, trying to line of drivers and cars and setups for the 24 Hours of Nurburgring.
Generally, I make sure that I take care of business, to make my wife happy and secure. Then I indulge in personal selfishness, spending countless hours doing something that makes me happy.
The term "purpose" is definitely loaded. I was thoroughly programmed that a cosmic, god-given purpose was the only thing that made life worth living. Now I'm looking more for the everyday sort of purpose - like you taking care of your wife, scratching that itch for knowledge and enjoying your hobbies.
It's seriously annoying that my upbringing was so effective in it's indoctrination. It's embarrassing, really. Until I hit adulthood, I truly believed that I was the daughter of a King, that the future of humanity couldn't be fulfilled without me (or any of God's children), and that I was perfectly loved by an infinite being. And now I'm a reasonable adult who understands that I'm just a conscious bag of cells living out it's life on planet earth, creating meaning wherever my brain chooses to. That creates some serious emotional whiplash.
Here is a suggestion Stone Jade. Make up a list of what your personal expectations and goals are. Then list the goals and expectations others place on you. Now break each one down as to their clarity and reasonable expectations of accomplishing.
My goal is to be in a sim race tonight and have fun. That is reasonable and can (will) be accomplished.
The goal some religious authority place on you is to have a purpose, to save the world and walk on water.
Now, which of those two "goals" is realistic, has clarity, and sane? Which one delivers happiness and satisfaction, and which one just causes problems?
And you are not an idiot, nor were you fooled. When anyone is indoctrinated and fed propaganda that serves an agenda for decades, that is a tough nut to crack. I can program a child to never forget to tie their shoes, all it takes me is just ten minutes. So if I can do that to a virtual stranger in ten minutes, compare that to decades of being exposed to a concept by those close to you.
I think the purpose of life is living.
Simple and sweet. Is that an empowering perspective for you or just a fact?
It’s, well, disentangling seems a good word...
Effing correctumundo. Life is good and to be enjoyed.
Again I skip to give my answer.
What gives your life purpose?
Life itself.
rmfr
P.S. - Now to go back read others answers
While this answers the question of what gives life meaning, I'm curious what it is that has life matter to you at all. I'm assuming avoiding death is not your only purpose/aim in life?
Avoiding death is a built in mechanism all living organisms possess to varying degrees. Some species require the death of a parent for the chain to survive, but overall we all want to live. Personally, sure I don't want to die. I also take care of my body and make a reasonable effort to ensure my longevity.
But I am not afraid of death. When it comes I won't feel anything, I won't be capable of caring. My personal definition on this topic would be "I do not resist death, but I embrace and enjoy life to it's fullest".
Stone Jade, although I freely discuss death in this forum, it definitely does not occupy my thoughts. I am in the wonderful position where I have too much to do, too much to enjoy in life.
I am alive, that is good enough for me, and I intend to enjoy the ride.
Absolutely. I wasn't meaning to imply that avoiding death was actually a focus, but if the purpose of life is life, that actually doesn't say much practically, except that the purpose of life is to not be dead. I'm curious about what actually drives people to get out of bed in the morning, what propels them into their future. You've mentioned a couple of times that you want to enjoy life, which sounds like a great reason to get out of bed.
Because I enjoy MY LIFE, and I control MY FUTURE. I do not get dragged out of bed based on some fear, I get out of bed because I have a list of fun stuff I want to get done. And although some of my goals are pure selfishness, many of my activities are a donation of my time just to assist others. I do it because I want to do it, not because I fear that I will spend an eternity in hell just because I missed an appointment or task.
There is no "purpose of life", there is just the basic genetic programming instilled within us, and many years of training and conditioning by those who raise and teach us.
We are born with just two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Both are self-preservation in nature. We are not born with a desire to pray, that is something instilled in people by others.
Yeah, I agree. It seems like maybe you think I'm disagreeing with you? Your description above of what drives you is exactly what I was looking for. Since I know that there is no real purpose of life, I'm looking at being intentional about creating my own purpose and meaning in my life. I've found it interesting to hear what others have discovered for themselves in this. I have no interest in fear of death and actually have almost no fear of it now (and had much more fear when I was a believer). I'm just looking at how to create (not find externally) an empowered life after being indoctrinated to believe that the experience of having a meaningful life is impossible without a belief in a god.
Thank you for the response Stone Jade, you have earned my respect.
I used to be wrapped up in the embrace of religion, and I always wanted to serve some "purpose". But as the years went by and I cast off the shackles of religion, I learned that anything positive I desired for this world, I could do without religion. And whatever "purpose" religion asked of me, it was always in the service of that organization. It was never for the benefit of humanity, it was to prop up religious institutions.
I do not need a "purpose". I give freely of myself, in the interests of leaving a small but positive effect on those I come into contact with. I help strangers without any expectation of reward. I hold doors for women and those who are frail. If a friend calls me up and asks for a ride or some favor, I am there. Always, no questions asked. I do a lot more, and I do it all not because some religious institution wants me to do some task for them, but rather I am driven by my own moral compass.
I have many purposes/aims in life. One being to positively affect as many other lives as possible, even if it's just through something as simple as this post. Another is to raise my daughter to be a loving, generous, free thinking, and productive member of society. But I guess the biggest aim is to enjoy what little time I have on this planet, because I know I only have one spin on this merry-go-round of life.
@Stone Jade and anyone interested.
I feel there is no purpose or meaning of life that has been "set out" for us. It is a question we humans came up with, that nature and evolution and life it self has no reason to answer or account for.
I struggled with this conclusion in my younger years when I first arrived at it. (All the evidence, (to me,) points to this usually uncomfortable answer, that there is no answer.)
Further philosophical reading and reading on how the human brain "works," that our thoughts are essentially generated "memory" that recreates the real world as needed and what has happened, based on sensory input, in this created world in our heads, we get to make up all the rules in this "generated world" our thoughts and "self" comes from. Long story short, we get to decide for ourselves what our life's purpose is, and it can be anything we want. We are our memories.
I recommend something you can achieve, and something you enjoy, like, and is positive. But there is no rules here, the purpose of life can be to eat ramen noodle at least once a month.
For me, it is to enjoy life, marvel at the complexity that is life on this planet. To be safe, satisfied, complete, and happy. To work towards true satisfaction and happiness for myself. I feel I do better then most on that path because I simply allow myself to.
Feel free to ask for clarification or how I arrived to my conclusions, (it is long winded.)
Stone Jade,
I feel for you and have been there myself. I think there is a long period of anxiety until you find that new perspective to view your life from. What is the purpose of life? I wish I knew the answer for sure, but I think we that it depends on who you are and what your goals and aspirations are. The realization that purpose is not dictated from the heavens, but built from the ground up with real, struggling, human beings trying to find their way through existence, is a true self-revelation; and it is a powerful one. We will one day perish, but the time from now until then is up to each and every one of us. Learning, satisfying that curiosity, loving someone and feeling those deep connections, appreciating beauty, art, and science; experiencing new things in life, are all ways I've developed a sense of purpose. Having hope for the survival of our children and humanity has been important as well.
You will find your way!
Purpose is elusive and dynamic. My "purpose" changes over time.
What would you say your purpose is today?
I was not paying attention to this the first time; however, it is quite important. Look at the question you asked. "What gives your life purpose?"
There is something out there in the world that can give your life meaning and purpose. This is Religious thinking. It is also the thinking of a depressed person who is waiting for someone or something to entertain them.
Purpose does not come from "OUT THERE" it comes from inside yourself.. You are the things you do. If you are depressed, sit inside all day long, play video games and think about suicide, then "THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE." That is the purpose you have given yourself.
You can give yourself a purpose by doing the things you like to do. If you start looking for a purpose then that becomes your purpose. You can give yourself a purpose by choosing to do nothing. Then doing nothing becomes your purpose. You can give yourself a purpose by doing things like sleeping all day, avoiding going outside, hating other people or whatever. Your purpose is what you do. Not what happens to you.
You can choose to have a different purpose. You can choose to keep the same purpose. You can choose not to choose which is really a choice to keep the same purpose. Life is about making choices. If you can not make choices, then that is your purpose. No one is as powerful as a sick person. "Please do this for me, I am sick and can't do it on my own. Please understand me and help me." It is a great purpose with loads of positive feedback from those people called "rescuers." They love to take care of sick people. After all "That Is Their Purpose."
That was poor wording on my part. I don't believe that there is any external purpose, only the ones we give ourselves.
I appreciate what you said about what you do being your purpose. I created this post curious to see what purposes others have given their lives and what perspectives have been empowering for them. But I agree that it's important to look at our actual actions. Giving lip service to a purpose we see for our lives isn't worth much if our actions say something totally different.
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