Has anyone seen the prices of Churches in the USA

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Cognostic's picture
Has anyone seen the prices of Churches in the USA

I can get an old stone church for less than 50k. I am seriously thinking about it. https://oldhousesunder50k.com/tag/church-for-sale/

I swear, if I get one, I will put in a few pool tables, ping pong tables, snack machines, and call it an Atheist Community Center while living comfortably in the attached house.

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Old man shouts at clouds's picture
It would be grand to buy one

It would be grand to buy one except the distressing consequence of bursting into flame every time I cross the threshold.

Tin-Man's picture
Hey, Old Man, you can always

Hey, Old Man, you can always buy a flame retardant racing suit to wear when you enter.

Cognostic's picture
I'm actually thinking of

I'm actually thinking of purchasing one. I saw a couple of stone churches for less that 20k that have full kitchens and living quarters. Problem is they are in boomfuck nowhere. Still, If I am retired, I'm not planning on doing much but "Working On the House, Planting a garden, Fishing, and Playing on the Computer. What else is there in life?

LogicFTW's picture
If elon musk's low orbit

If elon musk's low orbit satellite internet (or some other competitor) can get their stuff up and running, I could live anywhere that is within 1hr of a major airport. An old church I am willing to bet frequently sits on good land. Perhaps I could get it all tax free if I get 9 friends and we start a F.S.M chapter, and wear colanders. On our heads and meet for 1 hour a week. (As far as I know all that is required to start a religion and get tax free exemption) I will then renovate/build a nice home off to side all tax free...

Hmm I like this plan.

Cognostic's picture
I would love to move into a

I would love to move into a Christian town. Buy a church. Knock down the steeple, and hang an "Atheist Community Center" sign on the front of the congregation hall. I could show movies on Friday nights, put in some ping pong tables and a pool table, a few vending machines or a snack bar to supplement my income. Then I would flood the place with cameras and just sit back and wait for the lawsuits to happen. I bet I could own every home in town within a year in a small Christian community.

NewSkeptic's picture


If I can have some input on the chosen movies, I'm in. I have a nice pool table in the basement I can donate along with some ping pong paddles and a net or two. I'd also appreciate some sugar-less snacks in the vending machine.

CyberLN's picture
I’ll manage the wine cellar

I’ll manage the wine cellar and tend bar. I make a mean latte as well!

In Spirit's picture


Well I'll be a monkeys' uncle. So you plan to revert the church with the same attractions it had in the 60's and 70's as a way to bring in the sheeple. Love it. Will there be cookies and milk for the children or will it be strictly for the adults? You know, if you had a daycare for the children you can actually advertise that they will be safer in the care of atheists.

Cognostic's picture
I'm thinking of a space for

I'm thinking of a space for the kids. I'm a kid at heart and do not drink or smoke myself. Okay, I have an occasional drink with a friend now and again. But basically I am a non-drinker.

Tin-Man's picture
...*jumping up and down*...

...*jumping up and down*... *waving arms frantically*.... Oo-oo-oo-oo!... Hey, Cog! Can I be in charge of decorating the place? Please-please-pleeeeeeease! With the wifey as my partner, we can have that place looking wicked!... *briskly rubbing hands together*... I'm picturing something in the style of "Medieval Court Posh meets Modern Techno." Maybe even toss in a bit of Satanic Cult symbolism just for shock value.

Cognostic's picture
@Tin! FUCK YEA! Most of

@Tin! FUCK YEA! Most of these places come with fantastic wooden pews. I have been drooling over the wood grains in walls, flooring, and the pews. Still, to be honest, I am a bit worried about the wife. We would have to limit her to one goat's head per room. If she goes bat-shit crazy in the place, I may as well turn it into a haunted house for Halloween.

Tin-Man's picture


We'll try to keep the goat heads to a minimum. Inflatable bouncy castles are a MUST, though.

Cognostic's picture
Tin: Inflatable bouncy

Tin: Inflatable bouncy castles are a MUST - Great idea for the master bedroom.

algebe's picture
I've seen lots of converted

I've seen lots of converted churches on British real estate shows. They make beautiful dwellings with lots of great architectural features, and English villages can be wonderful places to live.

The other good thing about church conversions is that they are sign of religion's decline.

Here's a BBC video with some ideas about what can be achieved with an old church:

(Warning: You'll want to wipe anything a priest has touched with some commercial-grade disinfectant.)

David Killens's picture
My father-in-law did that

My father-in-law did that many years ago. Since there was an attached residence, that is where the family lived, and he converted the church into his man-cave for his wood-working hobby. But he sold it many years ago and it has changed slightly.


Attach Image/Video?: 

Cognostic's picture
@Davud: Exactly! I'm

@Davud: Exactly! I'm single and only need the attached parsonage, even if it is only a one bedroom with a kitchen. There is so much more space to play with after that. The use of the congregation hall is completely up in the air. More rooms, garage, workshop, man cave, gay bar, .... oops...... perhaps not a gay bar...... We can't put a goat's head in a gay bar..... but the bouncy castle thing might work.

Tin-Man's picture
@Cog Re: "We can't put a

@Cog Re: "We can't put a goat's head in a gay bar.."

Huh??? Why the hell not? Most of my gay friends would get a big kick out of that. I would even consider making it the centerpiece.

Cognostic's picture
@LOOK TIN: The gays are

@LOOK TIN: The gays are already having a tough enough time with the Christians. Slapping a Goats head in the bar is just going to piss them off even more. Instead of waiting outside to maul the gays, the Christians are likely to pick up torches, raid the bar and burn it to the ground. All you are doing by putting a goats head in a gay bar is asking for more violence. The bouncy castle on the other hand was a great idea.

Tin-Man's picture


Okay, fine! In the interest of compromise, no goat head in the bar. BUT.... There BETTER BE a karaoke machine in there!... WITH a green-screen to project images behind the singer.

toto974's picture
And we will sing all of

And we will sing all of Queens's music!!!

Cognostic's picture
Not a problem. I love to

Not a problem. I love to sing.

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