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ThePragmatic's picture
Insights about the

Insights about the Olympics

(Too bad that the "Attach Video" functionality isn't working)

ThePragmatic's picture
This hurts my head...

This hurts my head...


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Dave Matson's picture
Daddy was working late and

Daddy was working late and the boy heard a commotion downstairs. He sneaked downstairs and peeked into the front room. Some man was kissing mom! Suddenly they started coming his way and he jumped into the closet. After a while he heard a panicked commotion, and the dude jumped into the closet just as dad entered.

"It's dark in here," said the kid. "Yeah," said the man. "You like baseball," intoned the kid. "Yeah," replied the man. "I have a glove for sale," said the kid, "Only $30." "That old glove ain't worth it," replied the man as he felt the glove. Somewhat louder, the kid repeated his offer. "Okay, Okay", whispered the guy, "I'll buy it." So, he shelled out the money and got the glove. Soon the coast was clear and he left.

Next week dad arrive home early again, and there was another panic as dad came up the driveway. The kid, who was listening in on mom dived into the closet and was shortly followed by the man. "It's dark in here," said the kid. "Sure is," said the man. "Wanna buy my baseball bat?" queried the kid. What could the poor man do? So, he forked over an outrageous sum and got the bat.

One day, when the weather was nice, dad said to his son, "Let's get out there and hit some baseballs." "Can't do it," said the kid, "I sold my glove and my bat." When dad found out how much the kid gouged the buyer he said that was not the Christian thing to do. "Son," he said, " You'll have to confess come this Sunday."

Sunday arrived and the kid found himself in a confessional booth. "It's dark in here," said the kid to himself. "Don't start that shit again!," said the priest.


At the turn of the century Pancho Villa, the notorious revolutionary, was riding by himself and surprised an American. In a bad mood, with his gun pointed right at the American, he demanded that the poor fellow eat horse shit! What could the poor guy do? It was a big gun! So, he ate horse shit.

At that sight Pancho Villa broke into such an uncontrolled laughter that he accidentally dropped his gun, which the American quickly grabbed. Now, it was the American who demanded that Pancho Villa eat horse shit! What could the poor guy do? The American had his gun. So, Pancho Villa ate horse shit and the two men parted ways.

The American entered a bar and sat down at a table where guys were swapping small adventure stories, each trying to top the other. By and by one of them asked the American what he did that day. "I met Pancho Villa," said the American, "We had lunch together!"

Deforres's picture
The intersection of

The intersection of mattresses and stuff.


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Bad Santa's picture
After heavy drinking the

After heavy drinking the night before, a guy goes ice fishing. It's still dark, he takes out his auger and starts drilling a hole.
All of a sudden a bright light shines upon him from above and a booming voice says "THERE IS NO FISH HERE!".
It scares the daylight out of him and when the light goes out he picks up his auger, moves to another spot, and starts drilling again.
The bright light illuminates him again and the booming voice sounds again "THERE IS NO FISH HERE!!!!".
He is totally freaked out now, picks up his auger, runs to another spot several yards away and starts drilling again.
The light comes on again and the same voice, with a tinge of irritation, thunders "I TOLD YOU ALREADY, THERE IS NO FISH HERE!!!!"
The man looks up and asks with fear "ARE YOU GOD?"


AtheistsMeow's picture
Dolly Parton and Queen

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."


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