Last night to get the kids to go to bed we told them that the easter bunny only comes when your asleep. That prompted my 8 year old daughter to ask for a piece of paper. She's quieter than her cousins and yet I can tell there is so much going on in that little head. She asked me how to spell a couple words as she was writing a letter to the easter bunny. I thought, why is she doing this now? If she's asks for something from the easter bunny I'm not feeling like running out at night to get a toy to save easter bunny face. It was a 2 page letter with a very cute picture to pre-thank the easter bunny for making her easter the happiest easter.
Now I was asked to church by my christian family for Easter Sunday. I haven't gone to church in years and don't plan on going again after what happened today. On the way to church with my two kids I wanted my daughter( she's my DJ) to play one of favorites, fake love by drake. Thought it would get me in the mood to handle church again. She wanted to play Katie Perry's Hot and Cold. We listened to the song and she bopped her head and sang some of the words. I asked her if she knew what the song was saying. no answer. She played it again and after she said " Mom, I hear a lot of opposites. " I said "Yes sometimes there are people that say one thing then they say the opposite. I love you. I hate you." She said "maybe their just nervous. " I smiled and said you may be right. I know get confused when I'm nervous. She smiled a shy smile and said "Me too Moma".
She played most of drake for me then back to her Katie Perry Hot and Cold.
WE arrive at church and my family wants to be right up front. not my choice. Music was ok and the young pastors daughter has the voice of an angel so she made it batter. She reminded me of my times in church plays and being apart of the praise as a young teen. Then came this video before they let the kids go to their Sunday school. This is a youtube video thats attached called its Friday but Sundays coming. it was fine at first but as soon as they started slashing Jesus and it got bloody I started getting concerned about my girl. She was watching intently and I whispered to my christian more liberal sister that I don't like my kid watching this. She said you can take her out which I was considering or putting my church program infant of her eyes. instead I whispered are you doing ok this is pretty gory.
Then it was over and my stomach was turning. I wanted to talk to her about what she just saw but they dismissed the kids and I was left with my 3 year old who laid on my lap the rest of the sermon.
Sis took the kids and I got to run home to let the dogs out and get the baskets for the hunt. Katie Perry's Bubble song played and made me smile. But really I wanted to vent post this because for the first time I was actually comfortable with myself in church. The sermon was bad simple minded and I felt this nervous energy from the pastor who knew me all my life and probably felt pressure from my parents to lead me back to christ. Because of the atheists in this forum I wasn't nervous because listening and talking to you guys has made me realize I'm not crazy for doubting this shit. Thank you for that.
Off to hide some eggs and forget today for a bit.
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