The Real Meaning of Life - so you don't have to keep asking.

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algebe's picture
People have been trying to

People have been trying to figure out the meaning of life ever since we became sentient and sapiens. It's such a hard question that it gives us headaches when we think about it. Religion is the aspirin but it's not the cure.

I find it more fulfilling to push through the pain and think for myself. There is a kind of meaning in the search itself.

Dave Matson's picture
Perhaps you should rewrite

Perhaps you should rewrite the first line to say: "The universe is completely indifferent to your existence!" Some forms of life, like a hungry tiger, might care a whole lot about your existence! :)

We humans arrived way, way late in this game, evolving on a tiny speck of dust lost in the vastness of space. A wink of time brought us here and, in another wink, we will be gone. A piece of flint, riding down a hill on a minor landslide, strikes a rock and one of the sparks, oh so very briefly, flares brightly in the night. That's us. Make the most of it!

Cognostic's picture
@Michael " It appears you

@Michael " It appears you have no sense of happiness or self worth at all."

Spoken like a true champion of ignorance. Life owes you something! After all, it was not your choice to be created. God made a safe place for you so that you would grow up and be happy. Everything is designed, Never mind that 90% of the earth's surface would kill you and you. Never mind that you are trapped on this planet by rings of radiation. Just ignore plagues, disease, starvation, deformity, religious wars, and the basic nature of mankind. Ignore everything that does not fit into your model of design and insist, "Life Has Meaning." AND THEN TRY AND PROVE IT.
"

Cognostic's picture
@Michael: " This is absolute

@Michael: " This is absolute bullshit. I exist therefore I have the right to know why."

Yes of course you have a right to know why. Go ask a lion.

The "why of existence" is to feed life. The why for your life is to pretend you are looking for the why of existence because you can not accept the actual answer. "You exist to perpetuate life." That is a fact, regardless of anything your mind tells you. "PROVE ME WRONG!"

Cognostic's picture
doG own - owe

doG own - owe

Palm to head! Now I have to punish myself. I will neel in front of my komputer and flagilate myself until I beede.

Good Catch... Brain fart on my part. I blame my spell checker. I will flagerate it as weel.

dogalmighty's picture
LOL

LOL

arakish's picture
Michael

Michael

"No it's not. Money is something you have to earn. A reason to live should be given to someone since their born."

Here is a story for you. Copied and pasted with no edits (except emphases and strong tags) from the book I am currently working on Riding Some Wild Tangents.

============================================================

Soul Shatter: Hidden Effects of Severe Physical and Psychological Trauma

============================================================

If you knew where a lightning bolt was going to strike, would that make dealing with its aftermath any easier?

For our eighteenth wedding anniversary, I made plans to drive the Skyline Drive and Blue Ridge Parkway with my wife and daughters, staying at BnBs along the way. Which reminds me: Why do we park our cars on a driveway and drive them on a parkway? [Yes, I added this in the original paper as an attempt to lighten the horrible nightmare that follows.] I cannot tell you exactly where on the Skyline Drive we were at when the accident happened. All I can tell you is that I ended up in a hospital in Charlottesville, Virginia. I have looked at the Skyline Drive near Charlottesville using Google Earth Pro and have found a couple of places where this accident could have occurred. However, I cannot say for certain… After 20 years, there would be absolutely no evidence to be seen. Additionally, they have altered the drive by putting guard rails its entire length, where needed, and actually moving it slightly further from the edges.

A blind curve. A speeding car. Lightning strikes.

We were rounding a curve on the outside when another car comes barreling straight at us. The driver managed to only clip our car on the rear driver's side. The car began to slide sideways and towards the mountain edge. I knew if I could not get the car under control and the rear passenger tire slid off, and the chassis of the car bit, it would be over. I did get the car under some control; however, the rear passenger tire did slide off the side and the chassis bit. The last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital was the car rolling over, my wife and daughters screaming, watching as the car flipped back right side up, then all went black.

I awoke who knew how much later. Everything was a blurred fog. My mind a nebulous fugue. A floating blob of liquid glass. A spider web over my body. A blur of white. Then again, darkness.

It was much later that I was told the details. During the times I was awake and somewhat coherent, my only question was, "Where are my wife and daughters?" When the doctors felt I was recovered enough they finally began to tell me some of the details.

According to the doctors, which I still find unbelievable, I had 72 broken bones throughout my entire body. My thought? How in hell could anyone survive that kind of damage? Isn't that a third of all bones in the human body? 206 bones in the adult body. As they continued to tell me the exceptional amounts of physical damage I had suffered, my only thought was always, "How in hell can anyone survive that much damage?" And, "Where are my wife and daughters?" How much damage did I suffer? I'll list what I can remember. Even after 20 years, I can remember quite a bit.

Many numerous contusions, abrasions, lacerations, wrenched joints, and punctures.
Right leg: three breaks, two in the femur.
Left leg: three breaks, two in the tibia and fibula.
Pelvic bone: broken in half.
Right foot: crushed.
Right hip: dislocated.
Back: four breaks (and I thought I'd never walk again).
Several ribs broken.
Left arm: two breaks and shoulder dislocated.
Right arm: one break.
Right hand: nine bones broken.
Right shoulder: dislocated, clavicle and collar bones broken. (Where is the clavicle?)
And the worst one of all: My skull was LITERALLY broken in half.

Thus, the spider web I saw was my entire body being held together in traction.

I was told I was fortunate that they did not need to perform an emergency craniotomy since the two halves of the skull could expand due to the swelling on my brain. They did tell me I was going to suffer some brain damage. Which I did, but it was not very severe. It mostly affected my creativity and artistic abilities, and drastically limited my Total Ambidexterity. It also slowed my thought processes. No longer can I just whip snap with a witty come back. I have to sit and cogitate.

Thus, my body was shattered.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was in a coma. It lasted for 16 days before my first eye opening. The doctors then kept me in a medically induced coma for another 10 days. However, it was a total of 40 days before I was told that I was the sole survivor of the accident. The doctors actually made me suffer for 14 days with my incessant question: "Where are my wife and daughters?"

Thus, my soul was shattered.

I was later visited by the rescue workers who worked the accident site. They swore the only thing they were going to be doing was retrieving dead bodies. However, as all EMTs are trained to do, they still checked for pulses. They found I and one of my daughters had faint pulses. They went into overdrive to cut us out of the mangled car and get us airlifted to the Charlottesville hospital. The rescue workers even told me they had no way of knowing how long our car sat on the side of mountain before someone saw it and called 911. They did tell me that the car had tumbled some 50 meters down the mountainside. Tumbled, not slid.

Unfortunately, my daughter succumbed to her injuries five days later. Even to this day it haunts me wondering if rescue could have gotten to us ASAP. Could we all have survived? Somehow? DAMN, the memories drive pain so deeply into the psyche, there are just no words…

How can one describe this any better that the term "Soul Shatter"?

[God, even writing this is bringing tears… I'll be back.]

Well, I had a decent cry. May still continue to cry… At this point, this section diverges from the original paper.

The most astonishing fact of this incident is that the LEOs actually caught the driver that sent our car tumbling down the mountain. Although they could not prove he was drunk at the time of the accident, since several days had passed, he was known to be a drunk driver. Additionally, he was driving with a suspended license when he murdered my wife and daughters. Yes, he murdered them. I care not what the actual crime he was convicted of, he murdered my wife and daughters. As far as I was concerned, First Degree Homicide. He was convicted of three counts of Voluntary Vehicular Homicide. He was sentenced to three consecutive life sentences.

When I first wrote this paper, he was still in prison. However, as of this writing, he was released on parole in October 2016 after serving 18 years. If he still lives, I don't know. Don't care. Unlike what I said above (in the book), this is probably the only man I cannot look at as being worthy of being treated as an equal.

I had been asked if he did get out of prison if I would seek revenge. During the first few years, my answer was, "Hell yeah!" Then it became, "I don't know," for a few more years. If memory serves, I think after about six or seven years, my answer became, "No." My reasoning was that if he did get out of prison his first chance at parole, he was going to be 70 years old, a triple convicted murderer, permanently lost all rights to ever vote again, permanently lost all rights to his Social Security, permanently lost all rights to possess a driver's license, and he was 70 years old. The only thought I had was, "I hope your fucking daughter is rich because no one is going to hire you and you ain't got no SSI anymore. Good luck you fucking shit. And don't ever darken my doorstep. I just might kill you out of spite."

I hate having that kind of attitude towards a fellow human being. However, it would be best that he and I never, ever, meet in person. I cannot be held accountable for what I may do. Besides, I am now a cynical old fart. Remember the two old men on the Muppet Show in the balcony? Well, I am far worse…

Basically, my paper delved deeply into my research into the hidden effects of severe physical and psychological trauma, including severe traumatic brain injury. The paper actually ended up being about another 25 to 30 pages longer than originally assigned. But the instructor took it in stride. She even said she could find no errors. (I think she was feeling sorry for what I had gone through.)

The one thing researching this paper did for me was to show me that my psychiatrist and therapist had both misdiagnosed me as having Major Depressive Disorder instead of actually having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Furthermore, the research of this paper gave me the knowledge I needed to know and somewhat understand what I was suffering. This more or less gave me the "forewarned is forearmed" capability of dealing with the CPTSD on my own.

I shall be the first to admit that I still suffer from CPTSD on top of my Adult ADHD. I shall to the day I die. However, I am able to deal with it without having to take medication and see a psychiatrist and/or therapist. There are times depression can hit me so hard that I wished I had a dedicated psychiatrist and/or therapist and/or medication; however, I am also able to get myself through those periods.

The only other thing that still bothers me, many could say still terrorizes me, is that I still occasionally suffer nightmares about the accident. I no longer wake up screaming, but sometimes I awaken still in a PTSD flashback state where I am awake, but still living the nightmare. It is when these night terrors occur that I am truly terrified. The only time I am ever truly scared. Sometimes crying literally like a little baby. And I ain't afraid to admit it. I have had some tell me this is true courage. Me, I don't know about that. I just know it is the only times I am truly scared and terrified. And when these terrorisms hit…

[Sorry, had another cry…]

On a further note… There are times I get to daydreaming about my wife and daughters so deeply, I end up actually crying. Sometimes, to this day, I can find myself crying myself to sleep at night. Oh hell, the pain is so deep the only words I can find that adequately describe it is to say that half my heart AND half my soul was killed when my wife and daughters were murdered. For the last 20 years, I have been a man with only half a heart and half a soul.

And you may ask why cynical?

The other major problem is that this has made me not give a damn about this shit-hole we call Earth. Do I avoid Death? No. Not really. But I do not seek it either. Ever since the death of my wife and daughters, I could care less whether I go on living or not. I do not particularly enjoy being in this shit-hole without them. Now this does NOT mean I am suicidal. It just means I don't give a fuck about dying. It also means I don't give a damn about living either. However, since I am still in this shit-hole, I make of it what I can. Since I am still living, I just live. The only true purpose of life is life. What you make of it is what you make of it.

However, these god damned Absolutists can make it extremely difficult…

And the worst part is these damned stupid fucked-in-the-head Absolutists will say something like, "I understand what you are going through," OR "I know what you are going through." BULLSHIT!

AND THIS IS WHEN I EXPLODE LIKE A SUPERNOVA! NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND, NOR EVEN IMAGINE WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH, WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!

It is impossible to understand what I have been through unless you have gone through the same exact happenstance. And to this day, there is one thing that truly shames me. An Absolutists once said the above, and I completely lost ALL control. If there had not been others around, I would probably have beaten that asshole to death. Just because I am ashamed of having almost beaten him to death does NOT make him any less of an asshole. As said, no one can understand unless having gone through the same thing. Yes, I will agree you can empathize and sympathize, but you shall NEVER understand or know.

However, in the many years since that beating episode, I have tempered my temper when others say those stupid statements about understanding and knowing.

In other words, I just want to live my life as I wish. I don't care about dying. I don't care about living. But since I am still alive, I just make the best of it as I can. The only purpose of life is life. Also understand this. If my wife and twin daughters had not been murdered, my life and viewpoint would be so drastically different…

============================================================

After reading this Michael, if you still believe the universe "owes" you a happy life, then you are "fucked in the brain."

rmfr

Tin-Man's picture
@Arakish

@Arakish

I read every single word. Couldn't have stopped reading even if I had wanted. Thank you for sharing that. You've got guts. Damn. I salute you.

LogicFTW's picture
@Arakish

@Arakish
Woah. So many questions, thoughts and comments come to mind, but I will limit myself to simply: thank you for sharing. I take from this that you have a very unique and different and, may I say; harsh reality based answer to "meaning of life" that most everyone else never deals with, and your share offers a truly profound perspective into something I could never understand from my own life experiences so far.

@Tin-man thank you for your comment, It was a long post so I skipped over it initially, because I assumed it was directed at Michael only. If you have not commented I would not have read this, rare, no bullshit window into a person that suffered a truly life changing event and some of the results and thought perspectives of a person to experience such an event.

arakish's picture
No problems with the initial

@Logic

No problems with the initial skipping. It is kind of long ain't it?

Yes, the response was kind of directed to Michael, but not only him. It was actually directed more to his remark and my answer in showing that "life ain't fair."

Thanks for the support.

rmfr

arakish's picture
Salute returned. And yes it

@Tin-Man

Salute returned. And yes it still hurts.

Thanks for the support.

rmfr

Cognostic's picture
Story??? That was a book!

Story??? That was a book!
Okay... I had the time to go read the post. It was a book! Nicely written, heartfelt and well worth the read.

Even if someone had the exact same thing happen to them, they would not be you. There is no actual degree of understanding between one human and another. All we can ever really do is approximate a feeling of empathy or an understanding of sympathy in ourselves. It makes perfect sense that anyone who has experienced the trauma you have experienced would have the thoughts and feelings you have.

After a story like that, the urge is to give some positive affirmation of hope. But face it - that would just make me look like an unfeeling and completely ignorant jerk. The whole "brighter days are ahead" bullshit is just that "bullshit," because we do not know what is ahead. So what can be said? All the standard social shit comes to mind and you are probably ready to vomit if one more person tells you one more of them. So, I will just say thank you for sharing.

arakish's picture
@Cognostic [and others…]

@Cognostic [and others…]

Your post was so deeply heartfelt, it just called out to me for a response. And for all others…

Even if someone had the exact same thing happen to them, they would not be you. There is no actual degree of understanding between one human and another. All we can ever really do is approximate a feeling of empathy or an understanding of sympathy in ourselves. It makes perfect sense that anyone who has experienced the trauma you have experienced would have the thoughts and feelings you have.

How true. No one else is like me, and thank Natural Selection and The Selfish Gene for that fact. I would not want for anyone to be like me. That would be sad. Two of me? Ugh... We'd probably try our damnedest to kill each other... Sometimes, I am ashamed of the thoughts and feelings I have, but I am now too old to change them for the Social Justice Warriors (SJWs) and the Political Correctness Junkies (PCJs). I just ain't gonna do it. Basically, I have learned that you cannot write or say anything of any kind of substance without offending someone, somewhere. Thus, I don't even try not offending people. I do not do it on purpose, but I also realize not offending people is just like that old adage about pleasing people. "You cannot please all the people all the time, but you can…" you know the rest.

And when I think of all those SJWs and PCJs, all I can ever think of is, "And to think you are the result of that one sperm that beat the other 2 million. Damn!"

After a story like that, the urge is to give some positive affirmation of hope.

And it is especially the Absolutists that feel some moral imperative to abuse persons who have gone through such as I have.

The saddest part is the fact that after this occurrence, I had no one to turn to. My whole family being Absolutists, and me being Atheist, turned away and none were ever around to help me through this cataclysmic disaster. Because of where I lived, my nearest neighbors were more than a mile away, most of them also being Absolutists. Thus, none of them were ever around to help. And once I did return home to near Wilmington, NC from the hospital in Charlottesville, VA, I came back to an "Empty Nest."

The loneliness of that Empty Nest drove me insane. Literally. I just could not handle being so damned alone. During the two years I wasted the insurance money on drugs and alcohol, my father also died. I never knew because my brother only wrote a letter. He should have known that I was never going to check the mail again. Especially since the mail box was around ¾-mile away. And he and my father were living in New Mexico. I lived in the "boonies" as we called them in SENCland (South Eastern North Carolina land).

Eventually, it got to the point that I attempted suicide. And it was a real attempt. I used a slug-shell in the 10-guage shotgun I had for Grizzly hunting. However, as I always put it, I was so doped up on drugs and alcohol I could not even shoot myself. The slug went through a window and impacted into a neighbor's house about a 1½ miles away. The police arrested me. My mom came to Wilmington and had me involuntarily committed to Dorothea Dix Mental Health Hospital. I spent 2½ years there. Yeah, I was a mess. When I got out, I found the IRS had stolen my house and everything for back taxes. Thus, I was homeless. You would think the IRS would have some compassion; however, I found many other stories similar to mine about their tactics to get their owed taxes. Just Google "IRS Horror Stories" and you shall see.

Going through all that shit has made it very hard for me to be very supportive of humanity as a species. Usually, the only people I have found that have shown real, true, absolute compassion are the Atheists. The Godless Heathens. The Scum of Humanity. The Worthless, Sick, Immoral, Wicked Demons. And I have always asked the Absolutists, "If such were true, then how come I have received more compassion, more understanding, more empathy, more sympathy, and more kindness from Atheists than I have ever received from you Absolutists? It only seems to me that you Absolutists can only do these things if I am willing to kneel down and kiss your god's ass."

Sorry, I am ranting...

But face it - that would just make me look like an unfeeling and completely ignorant jerk.

And it seems only the Atheists understand that fact. Proof that we are the only "rational" human beings.

Why do the Absolutists always think they are doing the person a "favor" by giving them a false "positive affirmation of hope?" And what I find to be completely incomprehensible is how any Absolutist can believe they can know what a person is going through, how horrible it is, this is how you go on, this is how you can get over it, et. al. I mean, I kind of understand "why" they believe the way they do after ready that awful book, I just cannot "comprehend" it. I guess it would take irrational thought patterns to do so.

The whole "brighter days are ahead" bullshit is just that "bullshit," because we do not know what is ahead.

"...because we do not know what is ahead." But those damned Absolutists surely feel as if they do. Even harder to accept when it comes from an Absolutist.

So what can be said? All the standard social shit comes to mind and you are probably ready to vomit if one more person tells you one more of them.

I don't know about vomiting, but I do tend to lose control over my anger and really go off. And I mean I sometimes go beyond "pissed off," if such a thing can happen. And the worst possible saying anyone can use is, "Oh, it is in the past. Why can't you just get over it and get on with your life?" I will lose it quicker with that one than any other. And in complete shameful retrospect, I beat the hell out of an Absolutist for saying that one.

So, I will just say thank you for sharing.

And that is about all one can say about a happenstance as what I went through. And you are welcome for the sharing. Besides, sharing enlightens. I shall be the first to admit that it still hurts like Hell to talk about it; however, thought it does hurt like Hell, it also helps to talk about it. To get that shit out of the mind so it ain't bouncing around inside all the time.

Basically, for anyone to lose what I lost is not something that can be forgotten, can be gotten over. It is something that person has to live with for the rest of his/her life. Anyone else who cannot come to some kind of comprehension of that fact and some kind of acceptance of that fact, just ain't human anyway. And they ain't someone I want to know.

rmfr

P.S.- Thanks for that post. It meant a lot to me, just like the ones from Tin Man and LogicForTW. Although all this still bring tears, they are healthy tears. Happy tears. If you can comprehend that…

P.P.S.- Posted this a day after writing it because nurses came to take me for some CAT scans and MRI scans. Glad I ain't claustrophobic.

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