Vital Question

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Mozart Link's picture
Vital Question

I struggle with depression and I have this philosophical question that I need an answer for. Actually, it might even be a scientific question.

Now I need to know the answer to this very vital question. I am thinking that there is only one way love, joy, happiness, and inspiration can be experienced. That being, through our reward system (our good moods). The more our reward system is functional and healthy, the more of those things we will have in our lives since our good moods would be greater. But like I said before, there is the difference between words and phrases and our mental states.

So by depressed people focusing on words and phrases alone of love, joy, happiness, and inspiration, they are only fooling themselves into thinking they are in love, joyful, happy, and inspired while depressed when they never were since depression as well as anhedonia are what turn off our reward system (our good moods). Even if they focused on the mental state of their thinking while depressed and told themselves that this is a form of love, joy, happiness, and inspiration, then they would be fooling themselves here as well since they are not in the actual mental state of having those things.

So they would be fooling themselves through this whole world of personally creating our own meanings in life and personally defining them for ourselves which would have to be false since there is only one way to experience those said things I've mentioned. There is only one way to experience the mental state of visualizing objects (sight) and perceiving sound (hearing). If you were to become blind and deaf, then your thoughts alone cannot give you that mental state.

If a blind and deaf person thought to his/herself that he/she still has sight and hearing, then that would not give him/her sight and hearing. That would only give him/her nothing more than the labels (words and phrases) of sight and hearing.

So there is only one function that gives us our mental states of visualizing objects and perceiving sound just as how there is also only one way to experience touch, smell, taste, etc. So in that same sense, there is also only one way to have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. There is only one function of our brains that can give us that. There is only one mental state that can give us those things. That being, the mental state of our good moods as I've said before.

If you are going to say something to me such as that we can have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration through our way of thinking alone even while depressed and not in a good mood, then you have to prove to me how this is the actual mental state of having those things and not just the words and phrases of those things.

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Travis Hedglin's picture
Clinical depression is

Clinical depression is strongly believed to be due to irregularities in brain structure and chemistry, disturbances in neural circuitry, and various psychological contributions, such as life stressors. This means that, while a "positive attitude" might resolve certain cases due solely to specific psychological contributions, it would be next to worthless in cases due to more neurological causes. The BEST way to treat depression is to seek a real psychiatrist for treatment, sorry to say, nothing short of valid medical and psychological treatment will be useful in many cases.

Dansan5's picture
I respectively disagree. I

I respectively disagree. I believe that the Pharmaceutical industry wants everyone to believe that every time you feel low, you need to pop a pill. Think about the two hundred thousand years that human kind has been on this planet. They struggled and yet prevailed, or else we wouldn't be here. If they didn't need chemicals to change their state of mind, why do we need them. Even though we might not be aware of it, our bodies are more than capable of taking care of its self. Everything in this life is a lie. Some covered up because of love. Most covered up because of profit. Take PTSD, that our brave soldiers endure after coming home from wars. Psychology says that they should meet in groups and discuss there problems weekly. However abnormal psychology says that soldiers, people, and victims would be better off by not talking about, or even thinking about their past traumatic experiences. By not thinking about the experience or even talking about it allows the brain to reprogram its self, and basically forget the experience every happened. Not saying that it is deleted, just saying the brain does not fixate on the past trauma. By not fixating on past trauma allows your mind to move on. I have dealt with depression many times in my life. I have taking many pills in my life. In my personal experience I believe that moving on from the incident or whatever the problem may be, instead of obsessing on the so called puzzle of why this is happening to you, simply move on. In doing so you will be a much stronger person knowing that life has literally stabbed you in the back, and you survived.

Travis Hedglin's picture
"I respectively disagree."

"I respectively disagree."

Hmm, interesting...

"I believe that the Pharmaceutical industry wants everyone to believe that every time you feel low, you need to pop a pill."

I am sure that is why they universally come with a warning that you should consult with your doctor before taking their products. Not everything is a conspiracy.

"Think about the two hundred thousand years that human kind has been on this planet. They struggled and yet prevailed, or else we wouldn't be here. If they didn't need chemicals to change their state of mind, why do we need them."

A. Not all of them prevailed, suicide and psychosis were actually very prevalent.

B. Many of our ancestors did use drugs, drugs are not a new phenomenon, and their use was rather common and widespread.

"Even though we might not be aware of it, our bodies are more than capable of taking care of its self."

Tell that to a diabetic or schizophrenic.

"Everything in this life is a lie."

Solipsism is the most flawed and failed idea in philosophy.

"Some covered up because of love. Most covered up because of profit. Take PTSD, that our brave soldiers endure after coming home from wars. Psychology says that they should meet in groups and discuss there problems weekly."

It depends, some extreme cases cause a complete psychotic break, resulting in the person regressing to the point of trauma. Most cases aren't that severe, so counseling and support can help them cope with their experiences.

"However abnormal psychology says that soldiers, people, and victims would be better off by not talking about, or even thinking about their past traumatic experiences."

Only if they have the aforementioned breaks as a result.

"By not thinking about the experience or even talking about it allows the brain to reprogram its self, and basically forget the experience every happened. Not saying that it is deleted, just saying the brain does not fixate on the past trauma. By not fixating on past trauma allows your mind to move on."

Not really, no. Avoiding trauma isn't moving on, it is just avoiding trauma, and in most cases it is much like a time bomb just looking for a reason to go off.

"I have dealt with depression many times in my life. I have taking many pills in my life."

A fairly large percentage of the population has, perhaps yours was less neurological, however other people may require more than simple therapy to correct the chemical imbalance in their brain.

"In my personal experience I believe that moving on from the incident or whatever the problem may be, instead of obsessing on the so called puzzle of why this is happening to you, simply move on."

So far, he has implied that his depression is more physiological than psychological in origin, so your psychological approach would not appear to be the best course.

"In doing so you will be a much stronger person knowing that life has literally stabbed you in the back, and you survived."

Generalizing the whole of the population of people suffering from clinical depression based solely on your own experience is rather off-base, considering the variety of factors involved. Not all cases are the same, or benefit from the same treatment.

Nutmeg's picture
I think Travis is right. But

I think Travis is right. But getting yourself physically in better shape might help. Regular exercise, proper diet, not drinking too much, giving up smoking/drugs, working hard and above all keeping busy. Hobbies are good too. Keeps your mind too busy to think about how bad things are - and they're not usually that bad. Best of luck, anyway.

Mozart Link's picture
My question is, is my theory

My question is, is my theory right or wrong? If it is wrong, then you are going to have to prove it wrong. You cannot just say that we can have those things in our lives while depressed. You have to do what the last paragraph above says. You have to prove to me how that is the actual mental state of perceiving those things.

Travis Hedglin's picture
You seem to imply that people

You seem to imply that people with depression CAN'T feel love, joy, happiness, or inspiration. Having been married to someone with it for thirteen years, I'd have to say that your implication isn't entirely accurate. It ISN'T that these people CAN'T feel them, for they do; it is more that those feelings are marred and overshadowed by their overall depression.

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
most professionals and those

most professionals and those who suffer from depression do not take the position that you do. I'm sure there are studies that show thinkings including but not exclusive to mindset help the person suffering from depression.

Mozart Link's picture
In case I ever have to live

In case I ever have to live my life depressed, then it is vital I find the answer. I am thinking that having good meaning in one's life is not just simply from knowing things. It is being in the mental state of love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in doing those things. For example, if you were not in any mental state of love, joy, happiness, or inspiration at all and were in a completely blank hopeless state and you just knew to yourself deep down that you have to go and save your family's life since they have good meaning to you, then they would not have any good meaning to you at all. You are telling yourself nothing more than just words and phrases of good meaning. The only way you can actually perceive them as having good meaning to you would be if you were in an inspired, happy, loving, and joyful mental state in saving their lives.

So, in short, since you were not in a good mood while saving their lives, then your family would actually have no good meaning to you in that given moment when you were depressed and in a blank mental state. For you to live your life just through knowing things while depressed and just thinking that has good meaning to you, that is living your life as an utterly inferior dead lifeless biological machine. It is our good moods that make us and our lives something. It is only our good moods that can give good meaning to our lives from our friends, family, and our goals/dreams. Therefore, even all the famous genius artists and composers who struggled with depression were nothing great. They and their lives were nothing great. Their works of art cannot mean anything to them during their depression and nor can the idea that they helped/inspired others all around the world and made their lives good. Nor can their own works of art mean anything good to them either.

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
.....you're defining the

.....you're defining the quality of a person by the mood they have? that's the height of.............. nonsense

Mozart Link's picture
Some people would call

Some people would call depressed people such as myself selfish for that. First off, that is false. That is the mental health stigma we all see today against depressed people. Second, it is not their fault. I am not allowed to perceive any good meaning in my life as long as I am depressed. It is no different than how a blind and deaf person is not allowed to see and hear. It is not their fault. So for anyone cruel/demeaning to call me selfish because my good moods are the only things that can allow me to perceive good meaning towards things would be no different than saying that a blind and deaf person is selfish since he/she cannot see and hear.

Nutmeg's picture
You've already been given

You've already been given some advice, so go and try it. If you stop whining on all the time you might feel better.

Mozart Link's picture
This isn't whining. I am

This isn't whining. I am discussing my theory. I am having an intellectual discussion.

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
to be honest, link, you are

to be honest, link, you are dogmatic in your creed and not that open to various psychotherapy threatment theories

Mozart Link's picture
Here is a response from

Here is a response from someone and my reply to it that gets the very idea of my topic across in a brief way:

Response: I find it funny that some people prioritize abstractions ( words,concepts such as physicalism) above the empirical (qualia). Qualia being our subjective mental experiences. In other words they hide from immediate reality (feelings/qualia) behind words. Symbols replaced reality! The word "food" does not provide nourishment and nor does the word "water" quench one's thirst. So what Matt is saying here is that words and phrases of good meaning, bad meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, suffering, despair, anguish, sadness, rage, grief, etc. do not give us anything either.

In that sense qualia is related to Matt's theory.

My Reply: Yes, this is correct. I am thinking that even good and bad are qualia as well. They would be our good and bad moods. If we are depressed, then just the words and phrases of good meaning won't give us anything. I think science has yet to discover that good and bad are qualia. Currently, we think they are not. But I am thinking otherwise.

Nutmeg's picture
You should probably return to

You should probably return to the place you discovered that intelligence.

Nunya Bizness's picture
Link. You are absolutely

Link. You are absolutely correct.

Our brain basically has a computer in it that monitors stimulus. If the correct stimulus is given, this computer releases hormones/chemicals etc. that make us feel good and actually make us healthy. In other words, there chemicals are like nutrients. So, without the proper stimulus, not only do you feel good, but over a period of time you actually suffer very real health consequences.

So... depression can be caused by any break in this chain. 1. You don't get the proper nutrition. So even when the stimulus is there, and your brain tries to release the chemicals, they are not there. 2. You are chemically or physically damaged somehow. Drugs like meth can do this. Head trauma. etc. 3. The stimulus around you is not the correct stimulus. Isolation. Being shown disrespect and hostility by those around you. etc.

As social animals, we are designed to experience depression. As a superorganism, if one person (one cell in the organism) malfunctions, then the people around him will give him social cues. They will frown, yell, sneer, jeer, etc. Our brains are wired to interpret these social cues and to then cut off our supply of feel good hormones and even release hormones that are literally toxic to us. doesnt matter what you eat or how you exercise, etc. We are all designed like this, to be vulnerable to the psychological stimulus of our peers, so that we change our behavior so that we are valuable to society. And if we cannot change our behavior we suicide, so as not to take resources from the healthy, useful members of the superorganism. You see this entire paradigm play out in a person's body, (a multicelluclar organism) as well. Malfunctioning cells commit apoptosis (cell suicide) for the betterment of your body. If this didn't happen we would all constantly be dealing with cancers, etc.

Interestingly enough, our society is geared towards creating 'depressive' states. 1. Terrible nutrition. 2. Hormones and chemicals in the food that disrupt this entire system 3. overpopulation

With overpopulation comes a simple paradigm. The more of something there is... the less value it has. With so many people in our world and in our mental models of the world as we move towards globalis, we all are worth less to 'society'. Even our smaller social units. We are almost all deemed replaceable. Our brains evaluate this worthlessness and makes depressive states very easy to fall into.

This is why so many people are medicating with prescription drugs, illegal drugs, alcohol, and basically spending most of their time living in imaginary worlds. Video games, sports, television shows, cosplay, fantasy books.

This is all just my opinion though. Take it or leave it.

Mozart Link's picture
My depression though is just

My depression though is just from the simple fact that I don't have my good moods back to me. I have anhedonia (absence of all my good moods). My depression has nothing to do with society or the prevention of me taking resources from others or anything of the sort like that.

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
that sucks. Is there a

that sucks. Is there a solution to that?

Dansan5's picture
It seems to me that you have

It seems to me that you have not come to terms that you are an atheist. You struggle because you have not fully committed to the fact that there is no all loving God. I have had the same problem. Not only once, but many times. It is a sad, depressing feeling that all your life you have been lied to. Finally realizing the truth is something that not only takes time, but takes extreme amounts of courage. You feel depressed because I believe you are lost. Which took you to this site. For Insight. I hate to tell you my friend, but the humans who have absolute faith in God have it easy. On the other hand we who dare to question will always wonder. I think that is why you feel low. I recently came out to my very best friends about this topic, and haven't heard from them since. That was three months ago. People who go with the current have it easy. People like us, who fight and swim against the current will always be in turmoil. Unless you find balance. I believe I have found balance. It took a long time, but was defiantly worth it. Search your mind, soul, and heart for the answers, and i promise you will find peace.

Mozart Link's picture
Honestly, I never saw the

Honestly, I never saw the greatness and good value/worth having depression and an absence of good moods in one's life. Our good moods take on the form of the very personality of things/people we witness. For example, if you noticed a heavenly goddess like character in an anime/videogame, then if you were to experience a good mood from her, then it would not just simply be a good mood. It would be a good mood that has her tonality (personality) to it. So you would actually be experiencing her personality through your good moods. It would be as if you are sensing her life (spirit) energy.

Same thing applies if you were to experience a good mood from a villan. Once your perceptions of this villan through your thinking alone sends the pleasure signal to your reward system and gives you the experience of a good mood, then your good mood would have an awesome, evil, hardcore, dark, gothic, heavy, serious, epic tone to it. It would be like you are experiencing the spirit energy of that villan. It would be as if you are experiencing the life essence of that villan in a good way.

Therefore, our bad moods aren't the only things that have the heavy, dark, gothic, serious tone to them to create works of art. We can create such dark, gothic, and tragic works of art through our good moods alone and they can turn out to be just as good and even better than how we created them while down and depressed or in any other bad mood.

So you can see why my good moods are so vital and life depending for me. They are more important to me than the air I breathe. They are the only things that can make me "alive" since they are the only things that can allow me to experience and be a part of the goodness ("life") of this universe, the world of anime/videogames, and my composing dream.

If I become hopeless (depressed), then all that life energy is gone. Me and my life are reduced to nothing more than a dead, lifeless, hopeless state similar to that of a hopeless zombie and a biological machine. I don't care if my depression made me the world's next greatest composing or intelligent genius. My life can still have no "life" (good meaning).

Life without "life" is not life at all. Our good moods are a sacred divine transcending energy and are the only things that give good meaning to our lives. But our depression is the opposite. It cripples and destroys our very being, destroys all good meaning in our lives, and gives our lives nothing but bad meaning regardless of what you think and tell yourself otherwise while depressed.

Travis Hedglin's picture
Is this something like

Is this something like vitalism?

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
link, you seem to be

link, you seem to be inventing some psuedoscience/religion . that tends not to go well for all involved.............

Nutmeg's picture
Mozart, I think you should

Mozart, I think you should

1) Get laid
2) Get drunk
3) Repeat

Jeff Vella Leone's picture
"My depression though is just

"My depression though is just from the simple fact that I don't have my good moods back to me. I have anhedonia (absence of all my good moods). My depression has nothing to do with society or the prevention of me taking resources from others or anything of the sort like that."

So if it has nothing to do with society, you have another problem.
I will break my vow of silence with possible trolls to give you the benefit of the doubt and try to help you and anybody in a similar situation.

Follow these steps in this order:

You should go in a peaceful garden, pick a flower(any) and look at it very closely.
See the compositions, the perfection of those tiny details.
How all the atoms in that flower agree with each other to be a flower.

Then look at your hand, fingerprints, those curves (unique), then close your eyes and imagine yourself and see how all the atoms in your body agree to be you.

Such complexity, when being reflected upon with deep relaxation can bring you happiness on its own.

Then just contemplate about the huge lottery you won, when from the other millions of sperm, you managed to hit the egg first, how improbable it was that you are alive and experiencing everything around you.

The air you breath, the ability to touch something. This is something those other billions of other possible you, did not get.

You have got a chance of a lifetime, to experience something million others could not.

When I look at the stars, I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, the universe exists for me to experience it.
Keep that thought in mind while looking at the stars or the sky.

If you still feel depressed after that, there is some good weed I could suggest that should have more or less the same effect. :)

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
Somehow that was more

Somehow that was more eloquent and life affirming than how Richard Dawkins framed the same idea :) .

Cheers

Mozart Link's picture
Since I watch anime (Japanese

Since I watch anime (Japanese cartoons) and play videogames, then I can give an anime/videogame analogue. There are characters that channel energy and transcend into higher beings. When they are in this transcended state, they have yellow hair and yellow energy around them. This is the most awesome state they can be in because when they are in this state, they experience the very power and profoundness of this universe like never before. They can sense all the life energy and awesomness of this universe like never before. They are full of "life" and feel all the spirit (life) energy coursing through them and they feel transcended by it.

They are called Super Saiyans from the anime Dragonball Z. They have enhanced powers and ablilites. So that is what my good moods are like to me. When I am in a heightened good mood, it is like I am a transcended Super Saiyan and I can experience all the life energy of my composing dream, compositions, and this universe. I am transcended by that. This sense of transcendence would encourage me more and more to create more and more compositions and to experience more and more of this life energy (transcendence) from them.

It would be like feeding a Super Saiyan more and more power which would transcend him higher and higher. If anyone or anything were to interfere with this Super Saiyan's power feast, he will become psychotically enraged. If you were to interfere with this Super Saiyan's personal growth and transcendence, then you will surely get killed. Not saying that I would kill anybody. But you get my point here.

This Super Saiyan wants to experience more and more of this life energy. Not because he is trying to be better than anyone else or for any other type of misdeed. But because he just wants to live. But because he just wants to live. He wants to be very "human" and "alive." He wishes to experience the very life of this universe as deeply, intensely, and profoundly as possible. This is his personal growth and the way he finds the greatest good meaning in his life. He wishes to ascend to an ultimate state in which he has the greatest power of the universe he can possibly have coursing through him.

Many people would ask me why can't I just find good meaning being a composer while depressed? Why do I need to experience my good moods at all? These people would then say from there that this just makes no sense. First off, you do not realize just how bad depression is. Second, even though my reason for living and being a composer and my way of finding good meaning through my good moods might very well not be rational (logical), you have to realize here that human beings are hardwired for survival. Not entirely for rational purposes.

Many animals find their only incentive in life through their good moods (reward system). When a pleasure signal gets sent to the animal's reward system, it gives this animal the incentive to do more and more things to get more and more of this rewarding sense. We see this with animals in a lab. As a matter of fact, you can read up on the Nucleus Accumbens of the brain and you will come across this information I just told you.

But we as human beings have also evolved a newer brain region which is known as the prefrontal cortex. It is the thinking (rational) area of the brain. However, this area of our brains does not encourage us. It does not motivate, inspire, give us excitement, joy, love, etc. It only makes decisions and solves problems. The only experience this area of our brains gives us is the "thinking" experience which is all nothing more than the experience of just thoughts (words and phrases).

Since the Nucleus Accumbens is what encourages us while the prefrontal cortex doesn't, then it would only make sense to say that the Nuclues Accumbens gives our lives actual good meaning while the prefrontal cortex only gives us nothing more than the words and phrases of good meaning to our lives. As long as you struggle with depression in which the Nuclues Accumbens cannot give you the experience of any good moods, then you cannot have any actual good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration in your life as long as you are in a depressed mood.

For me personally, I have never experienced any actual good meaning, encouragement, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration in my life through the thinking area of my brain alone while I struggled with depression. It was all nothing more than just the words and phrases of those things to me and not the actual experience of those said things. Everything was still "dead" to me while I was depressed.

It didn't matter if I pursued my goals and dreams or even if I somehow changed the world, it was all still "dead" (meaningless) to me. But if I had my good moods back to me, then a profound thought would send the pleasure signal to my brain and give me a profound good mood. But the profound thought in of itself without my good moods is not a profound experience for me at all. It is nothing more than just a thought. It is nothing more than a mere message being spoken in my mind.

So what's so great about this thinking area of our brains anyway? Everyone says it's what's new in town and that this is supposed to be the area of our brains that only the truly great people and geniuses live by. They say it is what truly makes our lives great. But I don't see any of that there. Sure, it solves problems, makes decisions/choices, keeps us and others alive, and prevents foolish acts/harm to us and others. But these are nothing more than things to keep us and others alive so that we can all experience what is truly important which would be our love, joy, happiness, inspiration, and encouragement (our good moods).

Yes, the thinking area of our brains also makes the world a better place and makes some people intelligent masterminds. But none of that in of itself is important either. What is important here is that this genius intelligence is used to get love, joy, happiness, inspiration, and encouragment (our good moods) from it. So really, it is the Nucleus Accumbens of our brains that we live for. So going back to my Super Saiyan analogue, as long as I struggled with depression and I told myself that I still have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life, then it would be like telling and thinking to myself that I am still a Super Saiyan when, really, I am sapped of all my life energy and am beaten down to the floor.

I am no longer able to experience any of that transcending life energy from living things and this universe anymore. Everything is completely "dead" (meaningless) to me now. I could never accept and compose living my life like that. My thoughts alone do not allow me to experience the life energy of living things, this life, music, art, and from my composing dream/compositions. Only my good moods allow me to experience this sacred divine transcending life force. Therefore, if I were given a senzu bean (antidepressant medication) that would help me recover from depression and be back in a good mood again, I would feel all that life energy coursing through me once again. This is how I experience the life energy of this universe. No one and nothing takes that away from me!

As a side note, in case you do not know what a senzu bean is in the anime Dragonball Z, it is what a character takes when he/she is beaten down and has lost his/her energy. It revives his/her wounds and restores his/her energy. Now you might be thinking it is nonsense and asinine for me to rely on a function of my brain (the Nucleus Accumbens) to give good meaning to my life. But speak for yourself. You are also relying on a brain region as well to give good meaning to your life. You are relying on the thinking area of your brain to give good meaning to your life. You value intelligence and the seeking of the truth over your good moods.

But imagine if I took all your intelligence and thinking away from you. It would be the worst thing for you. Therefore, for me to lose my good moods would also be the worst thing for me as well. Depression is far worse than anhedonia. So for me to be in a depressed state would be far worse than just simply me being in an anhedonic state. Now even though the thinking area of our brains is the new and evolved brain region and that the Nucleus Accumbens is the ancient brain region, sometimes in life it is the old things that are far better than the new things.

For example, you could have an ancient divine sacred buried power or an ancient sacred treasure. I realize that the Nuclues Accumbens is not the rational part of the brain. So even though living for my good moods might not be rational at all and might not be a rational way of living life and finding good meaning in one's life, I don't care whether it is rational or not. This biological sense of reward gives me the most profound and awesome experience in life. At first glance, this might seem silly to you. It might be silly to think that this rewarding sense is the only thing that can give good meaning to my life and you think that there are far more greater things in this life to live for.

But what you are doing here is nothing more than looking at the idea of things and not the actual experience of things. I could say that an innocent person is nothing more than just a bunch of chemicals and atoms and that, for this very reason, it would be silly of you to think that this person brings you the greatest good meaning in your life. You might actually agree with me at first. But upon you meeting this person, then your experience with this person and from living with him/her would be the most profound experience for you.

It would then be mocking/insulting of me to say to you that it is just plain silly for you to think that he/she brings you the greatest good meaning in your life since he/she is nothing more than mere atoms, chemicals, and processes. So in that same sense, my good moods are also very profound experiences to me as well and they are the one and only things that can bring good meaning to me from my life, family, and composing. Our good moods can come in the form of very profound experiences. You can experience profound joy, love, happiness, and inspiration from this biological sense of reward.

After all, it is the very function of our brains meant to encourage our survival. It encourages us to pursue things in life that we perceive as survival promoting. I use my good moods to channel my energy in coming up with great compositions in my mind. But without my good moods, then I have no inspiration and can't channel all that much energy into creating great compositions. My compositions would come out mediocre.

When I come up with compositions, it is not just some mere thinking process. It is not just me sitting there just analyzing and thinking of types of instruments, chords, and notes to use. It is a profound meditative experience and not just some biological mechanical intellecual process. I profoundly meditate my good moods and channel that energy into creating my compositions in my mind.

They are indeed very profound and reflect the profound greatness of my good moods. But if I just did things intellectually, then they would reflect that blandness. My compositions would just be bland and mediocre. So that is why my message to the world if I ever became a famous composer someday would be that our good moods are what transcend us, our lives, and our talents to something truly great and they enhance our creativity like neverbefore.

It would be like I am a transcended Super Saiyan channeling my enhanced life force (psychic energy) into creating epic masterpieces. My Super Saiyan form was never meant to do battles. I was never meant to be that beaten down Saiyan warrior sapped of all his life energy striving for a goal/dream anyway. I was never meant to be a warrior. A depressed and beaten down warrior striving for a goal and dream is nothing more than a dead lifeless machine striving for a goal and dream. I see no point or any good value in any of that.

It is only pursuing your goals and dreams the truly awesome and transcended way which would be through your good moods that matters. Growing more and more in transcending life force and power in pursuing your goals and dreams as opposed to being beaten down, hopeless, and sapped of all your life energy more and more is obviously the superior way to live and pursue your goals/dreams. It is the only way that gives your life good meaning. It doesn't matter how much I put my focus into my composing dream. As long as I am depressed and don't have my good moods, then none of that can bring my life any good meaning and it would really get to me. It would enrage me.

My good moods are epic and inspired profound moods used for my composing and used to get epic and transcending highs off of my compositions. All that matters in my life is that I am happy in doing the things I want to do and in living my life. Nothing else matters to me. Now you can experience happiness through your thoughts alone while you have anhedonia. But that would only be because some of your reward system function is there to give you that experience.

I have anhedonia now and I am actually in a vibrant mind state right now. In the past when I had anhedonia, everything seemed completely bland and dead to me. This would be because I did not have the neccessary amount of chemicals in my brain to give me this mind state. I could not experience any love, happiness, joy, or inspiration. But now that I have this mind state, this is what is allowing me to perceive some good meaning in my life despite my anhedonia. However, with depression it is a different story.

Depression is something far worse. It completely turns off my reward system and leaves me with no such vibrant mind state at all. I don't think I can ever adapt (be fine with) living with depression since the only way for me to adapt is for me to be in such a vibrant mental state (good mood). I have to be in a good mood in order to adapt to any situation or illness in my life. Thoughts alone of me being fine and adapting to my depression won't give my life any good meaning at all.

If I were to give a metaphor for depression, then it would be like the very life essence of Satan since it destroys and cripples you. It is hell. But our good moods are like the life essence of God since they are very profound good experiences that transcend you and your life. They are heaven.
I just don't understand how someone can experience the most profound good feeling in their life and deem it as nothing more than just a pleasant sensation and don't attribute any good value judgment to it. That it is just nothing more than the process of chemicals and atoms. If it was nothing more than a pleasant sensation, then it would feel like nothing more than a pleasant sensation. But since it feels very profound, then it is very profound. It is a very profound mental state.

As for me having depression, it renders my life seeming like nothing is the same anymore. There are two different personalities. The beauty of nature and this universe has a joyful and happy "alive" personality to it. But my depression is something different. It has a completely hopeless and "dead" personality to it that takes away all good meaning in my life.

Therefore, I cannot be a part of the joyful and happy "alive" personality of this life and universe since I need to be in the mental state of joy and happiness in order for that to happen. Depression instead casts me out of this entire life and universe and instead casts me into a whole new different realm separate from this life and universe. It would be a realm of utter despair like hell. So as long as I am depressed, I cannot be any part of the good meaning of this life and universe.

As long as I am depressed and I attempt to create a song in my head through just mere thought alone without any joy, happiness, or inspiration, then I am just simply creating tunes off of my head that are nothing great at all. I used to have a different hobbie in the past which was playing videogames. This hobby wasn't all that great. But now I have moved onto a much better hobby which would be composing. Therefore, since I have moved onto a greater hobby and a greater way of life, then I expect to be in a great mood in order to give my life great meaning. As long as I am not in a good mood, then this very way of life and new hobby I have moved onto can be nothing good or great to me anymore. Nor can any other hobbies or ways of life either.

I don't have this composing gift for nothing. I need to be in a good mood in order to get good meaning out of it. Going back to the Super Saiyan analogue one more time, I do not do battles. I am not a warrior. I do not get beaten down and have my life energy sapped out of me. My Super Saiyan form is instead used for a transcended purpose which would be channeling awesome energy into making great compositions whether they be dark, gothic, happy, joyful, etc.

So that is why I need all the life energy (good moods) in the world for my composing. Not only so I can compose great music that I want to compose which would be far greater than if these same compositions would have been created through my intelligence/knowledge alone without my good moods, but also because me having my good moods is the only thing that brings good meaning to my life and composing. Never would I choose to sacrifice my good moods for anyone or anything in life since that would only render my life as worthless and of no good value whatsoever.
One more thing I would like to add here is that I detest being an atheist as I said before. The very concept of death and suffering with no eternal blissful afterlife is utterly inferior and loathsome to me. But we then have a different concept which would be this beautiful life, nature, and making the most of our lives which is something great.

So if we were to eliminate that utterly inferor loathsome concept of death and suffering and we were to take the other concept which only gives a finite amount of good meaning to our lives and stretch that concept out to all eternity, then we would have an eternal amount of good meaning in our lives. Those who want death and suffering can have it. But people who want the eternal bliss can have that as well.

I mean, I have suffered from depression for so long and very deeply and I could never go up to someone and say to them that this is just the way life is and that he/she just needs to accept it. If he/she were someone treatment resistant who had to live with it most or his/her entire life, then there is just no way I could say that to him/her. It would be cruel, demeaning, insulting, and dismissive of his/her suffering and how important it is for him/her to have joy and whatnot in his/her life.

It is for that very reason that we absolutely need to create an eternal blissful life of no more suffering here on Earth. That is the difference between you and I. That is the difference between me and most other atheists. They would rather put up with all the suffering, death, and misery as a way of life whereas I would want to eliminate it and create a far better world for us all. If I were a composing genius and became famous in a pretend situation, then I would tell everyone to make me immortal just like my musical talent.

To find a way to give me immortality and eternal bliss. My fans would all listen to me. I am not just doing this for my sake. I am also doing this for the sake of those innocent people and genius artists who also had to suffer as well. I am also asking for a way to bring them back to life as well so that they can live an eternal blissful life in the future created by science. So it is two birds with one stone. I would benefit and all other innocent people who had to suffer would also benefit.

Now even while I struggle with depression and an absence of my good moods, I still have thoughts of good value towards my family. But they really wouldn't have any good meaning to me since having good meaning is a mental state like sight and hearing. So when I say that my family doesn't have any good meaning to me when I am depressed, I do not mean that in a cruel and demeaning way such as looking down upon them and hating them. I instead mean it in the sense that they are all "dead" (meaningless) to me. That everyone and everything seems "dead" to me in life. I am not having any life-filled joyful/happy perception towards them or anyone/anything else to give actual good meaning to my life.

Me living an eternal blissful life would transcend me and my life and make it something greater and greater for all eternity. I need to be an eternal ball of transcending energy that can never die, never suffer, and experiences eternal bliss. My life and composing dream/compositions would only become something greater and greater to me through my eternal good moods. I would never grow tired of it.

If I somehow had to live most or my entire life with treatment resistant depression, then I would resort to bashing my head in by a trained professional or destroying my brain function as a means to rid of that depression and give me my good moods back. I don't care if I was the most intelligent and creative genius in the world. I would choose to destroy all of it since it would have no good meaning to me without my good moods.

Nyarlathotep's picture
I'm confused by the following

I'm confused by the following:

Mozart Link - "Second, even though my reason for living and being a composer and my way of finding good meaning through m̲y̲ ̲g̲o̲o̲d̲ ̲m̲o̲o̲d̲s̲ might very well not be rational"

Mozart Link - "Only m̲y̲ ̲g̲o̲o̲d̲ ̲m̲o̲o̲d̲s̲ allow me to experience this sacred divine transcending life force."

Mozart Link - "I profoundly meditate m̲y̲ ̲g̲o̲o̲d̲ ̲m̲o̲o̲d̲s̲ and channel that energy into creating my compositions in my mind."

Mozart Link - "They are indeed very profound and reflect the profound greatness of m̲y̲ ̲g̲o̲o̲d̲ ̲m̲o̲o̲d̲s̲."

VS.

Mozart Link - "I have anhedonia (a̲b̲s̲e̲n̲c̲e̲ ̲o̲f̲ ̲a̲l̲l̲ ̲m̲y̲ ̲g̲o̲o̲d̲ ̲m̲o̲o̲d̲s̲)."

Mozart Link's picture
This is referring to the time

This is referring to the time I had my good moods in the past before the anhedonia hit. Actually, some chemicals have been restored. So I can at least experience a bit of a good mood. It is a vibrant mental state even though no pleasure signal is being sent to my reward system to give me an enhanced version of this vibrant mental state.

Vincent Paul Tran1's picture
Mozart Link, I think you are

Mozart Link, I think you are confusing your inability to explain an experience for your best explanation for an unexplained experience.

Iwanttoknow's picture
One of the questions I ask is

One of the questions I ask is what gives me hope? As a first commentator-I'd encourage you to find that. The way one think could be a matter of freedom or depression. If we have that capability, maybe we should give freedom of the mind a chance. Therefore keep exploring before making a final decision.

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