THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE WAS A MAGICAL BANANA

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Cognostic's picture
THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE WAS A MAGICAL BANANA

PROVE ME WRONG.

Every banana tree comes from a banana seed, not counting those Frankenstein bananas the humans eat. If you go back far enough you come to the original banana tree. The omniscient, all powerful, beyond time and space, the unmoved mover. The Big Yellow Banana. He even came before the Blue universe creating bunnies because they had to have something to eat.

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Account Inactive's picture
You're wrong.. Bunnies don't

You're wrong.. Bunnies don't eat bananas, they only eat bacon sandwiches. This points towards the one and only, all powerful, all knowing magic pig.
Even spiral galaxies mirror his curly tail. DNA has 3 letters just like PIG. It's obvious.
Wake up Cognostic….

Cognostic's picture
@Workingclasshero:

@Workingclasshero:
Blasphemy, The Magic Pig Cult (MPC) is just an ancient myth, no different than Blue Univers Creating Bunnies (BUCB) or Turtles all the way down,. (TATWD). The BYB died for your sins.

Get off my lawn's picture
What came first, the banana

What came first, the banana tree, the banana or the banana seed? And who ate the first banana?

chimp3's picture
Get off my lawn: What came

Get off my lawn: What came first, the banana tree, the banana or the banana seed? And who ate the first banana?

I suspect a chimp.

Cognostic's picture
chimp3: The BYB did not

chimp3: The BYB did not "come." It was there before time and space. It is self evident and non-created. It is the original cause.

Get off my lawn's picture
You make it sound like a

You make it sound like a dirty sex cult.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn: Oh yea,

@Get off my lawn: Oh yea, sure, revert to an ad-hominem attack. When you can't come up with a reasonable argument, just start slinging poo.

Get off my lawn's picture
Nope. It's an ad-bananem

Nope. It's an ad-bananem attack.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn: I wish I

@Get off my lawn: I wish I had thought of that! :-)

chimp3's picture
ognistic : The BYB did not

ognistic : The BYB did not "come." It was there before time and space. It is self evident and non-created. It is the original cause.

If the BYB came first how do you explain plantains?

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chimp3's picture
ognistic : The BYB did not

Ditto post!

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Diotrephes's picture
chimp3,

delete

Randomhero1982's picture
I reckon Bernie Sanders may

I reckon Bernie Sanders may be the culprit...

Hes actually millions of year old and continues to live via the quickening from being The Highlander.

Hes looking to remove another head from a rival soon so that he can make the next election with even more power.

doG's picture
I have heard myths about the

I have heard myths about the BYB. My grandpa won't even talk to me cuz I asked him for evidence of the BYB...he threw a peel at me and said "there's your proof", and never said a word to me again. He is just one crazy monkey...but its still painful. Fuck BYB.

Cognostic's picture
@doG

@doG
Sheesh... Everyone knows the BYB is self evident.

Tin-Man's picture
Re: Cog - "He (BYB) even came

Re: Cog - "He (BYB) even came before the Blue universe creating bunnies because they had to have something to eat."

Oh, for heaven's sake! What the hell sort of blasphemy is this??? I swear, it's like I'm listening to a group of under-educated third graders trying to discuss quantum physics! Listen up, people! As usual, Cog is WRONG! Anybody with half a brain cell KNOWS the Ginormous Invisible Blue Universe Creating Bunny (Carrots Be Unto Him.) HAD TO BE here first! Look, bananas cannot grow without fertilizer, right? And it is common knowledge the Blue Universe Creating Bunny (Carrots Be Unto Him) eats empty space and then poops out super-rich universal fertilizer. Therefore, it stands to reason there is NO WAY the BYB could have been here without the Blue Universe Creating Bunny (CBUH) being here first to provide fertilizer for the BYB to grow. Simple common sense, folks. Besides, if any of you would bother to check your Divine Book of Rabbits, you would see it is plainly written in its blessed scriptures. In the book of 1st Peter Cottontail, Ch. 4 v. 1, it clearly states, "And, lo, the Big Yellow Banana did give thanks to our divine Blue Universe Creating Bunny (Carrots Be Unto Him.) for the wondrous gift of its super-rich universal fertilizer from which sprang the ancestors of the Big Yellow Banana." Doesn't get much more cut and dry than that.

Bottom line is, it is time to grow up and stop believing in that silly myth about some "magical" banana. It is just plain ridiculous. Do not allow Cog to lead you astray.

(Oh, and in regards to the galaxies looking like curled pig tails, that is a blatant lie and deception put out by the pig worshippers at NASA. All those images are photo-shopped to push their pork worshipping agendas. In reality, the galaxies look like fluffy bunny tails. Get your facts straight.)

doG's picture
My grand dad gave me the

My grand dad gave me the "Yellow Book", and within, the gospel of bubbles, ch 3, V 12...it states that..."thou shall not eat or partake in and all hasenpfeffer oh any kind, as it is considered unclean". Considering this evidence, how can any bunny be a god. I mean my grandpa thinks the BYB is real...but I have never encountered a BUCB worshiper...I have heard of this cheesus fella, but to be frank, I think its all horseshit. Although I do have an unhealthy and confusing addictive craving for bananas...not sure what thar is all about.

Cognostic's picture
@Tin-Man: There you go

@Tin-Man: There you go applying earthly constructs to supernatural beings that exist beyond your meager understanding of the universe. There must be a first cause for everything. Even Giant Universe Creating Blue Bunnies. And that first cause is the Big Yellow Banana. The BYB is the unmoved mover. It is the Cause before all causes. It certainly does not need fertilizer to grow. Ha ha ha ... How ignorant are you. It is the untreed source of all trees and the unseeded seed of all seeds. 1 Chiquita; 270 ~ 300 specifically says,

"I am the Big Yellow Banana and I am the Atheist's Nightmare. All non-believers are atheists. There is no such thing as Big Blue Universe Creating Bunnies and you shall have no other Gods before me. If thy brother,Tin-Man, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, or Big Universe Creating Bunnies, which thou hast not existance; or any of the gods of the people which are round about you, "Like The Evil Over Lord," nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to squeeze the fruit from his bones unto death. And afterwards the hands of all the people shall combine that pith with Ice and margarita mix, and have a party as the dry remains are hung on clotheslines and stoned with stones, that they die a second time. All this because because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the Big Yellow Banana in the sky; thy God, which brought thee out of the land of jungles. Praise be to the BYB." The BYB is the alpha and omega. The book of Chiquita proves the BYB is the creator of the universe because it tells the story of that creation and it was inspired by the BYB itself.

rat spit's picture
The Great Banana OverLord has

The Great Banana OverLord has beseeched me - his prophet - to give you all ... the future of rock and roll!!! https://youtu.be/nAwCcBMQBrc

Account Inactive's picture
We look nothing like bananas.

We look nothing like bananas. We were created in the creators image... How are we supposed to feel loved and a little bit special if we were created by a banana? I have questions...

What possible purpose could a banana have in mind for us?

Why would a banana care about our sexuality?

What was the banana doing before he created everything? Ripening?

Why is the banana so insecure? Why does he require worship and gratitude?

Why do only certain people get to have a personal relationship with him?

What punishment does he have in store for me? Do I deserve it?

Cognostic's picture
@Workingclasshero? HA!

@Workingclasshero? HA! Both humans and bananas have skins on the outside and are soft and gooey on the inside. Both humans and bananas have many seeds. We all begin small and grow bigger and we all turn black after we die. YOU KNOW NOTHING -FOOL!

OUR PURPOSE - is to worship the Big Yellow Banana because we are all bananas on the inside. Our purpose is to plant banana trees across the planet and encourage the growth of the Big Yellow Banana's Children.

SEXUALITY - Obviously the more children we have the more banana trees we can plant. Really Stupid question. We were made to serve the Big Yellow Banana.

BEFORE CREATION: The all powerful Big Yellow Banana was Being. Simply being a Big Yellow Banana.

WORSHIP: You are not required to worship or to plant bananas. It;s your choice, You can plant bananas and worship the Big Yellow Banana or you can be turned into a smoothie in the giant blender the Big Yellow Banana has created for all non-believers. You will be blended over and over and over again until you become the fertilizer for the next bunch of bananas.

No one has a personal relationship with the Big Yellow Banana but the chosen few. If you want a relationship with the BYB you must invite him into your body. You will either be worthy or unworthy. You do not get to choose the BYB. He chooses you. If you have not been chosen, you will spend eternity in the giant blender.

It is not punishment to spend eternity in the blender. You go there because you are rotten and you have not been chosen.

It's your choice. You were made with a free will. Worship the Banana or meet the blender.

Account Inactive's picture
@ Cognostic

@ Cognostic

"BEFORE CREATION: The all powerful Big Yellow Banana was being. Simply being a Big Yellow Banana."

Before creation Yellow didn't exist, it's just a descriptive word for Yellow things. Big didn't exist either as there was no big, small or medium things before creation. If you are going to push Banana as the creator, you need to describe it correctly.

I personally don't think you can actually describe Banana accurately before creation.... Or can you??

Don't try that special pleading crap...

Cognostic's picture
The Big Yellow Banana always

The Big Yellow Banana always existed. The "Uncreated Creator." Obviously there was a big because the Big Banana was Big. Before Creation he was the Big Yellow Banana before creation. It's self evident. There has to be a starting point and the Big Banana is it.

Get off my lawn's picture
What do bananas come from?

What do bananas come from? Banana seeds, of course. So before Creation, there was the Big Yellow Banana Seed. Unless, of course, the Big Yellow Banana is a Big Yellow Cavendish Banana, in which case it would be cloned onto a Big Banana Tree (which is not really a tre, per se) of another banana persuasion (green plantain, perhaps). And this could either lead to an infinite regress, or the realisation that the Big Yellow Banana is a parasitic banana on the Even Bigger Plantain Tree. In either case, your banana hypothesis is nothing but a banana-in-the-gaps explanation.

Cognostic's picture
NO. There is a first cause

NO. There is a first cause and that is the uncreated creator of the universe. The Big Yellow Banana. It is from his seeds all other seeds have been created. You can not have an infinite regression. There must be a creator and that is the BYB.

There is no Gap. OBVIOULSY. There is only "The Big Yellow"

Get off my lawn's picture
What a load of faeces of ox

What a load of faeces of ox origin. Before a banana can become yellow, it must be Green. Therefore, the Green Plantain begot the lesser Yellow Banana. Or rather, due to the impotence and sterility of the Yellow Banana, the Green Plantain Tree nurtured the Yellow Banana until it ripened and fell down on the ground. Into the before mentioned pile of ox faeces.

Cognostic's picture
Ha ha... You know nothing.

Ha ha... You know nothing. All yellow bananas in the universe are caused by green bananas unless they sin and go straight to black. EXCEPT for the Big Yellow Banana. The original uncreated creator banana/ The banana that existed before time and space. You can not use earthly logic to comprehend the spiritual.. The Big Yellow Banana is beyond human logic.

Get off my lawn's picture
Pfff, I'm using banana logic.

Pfff, I'm using banana logic. Green Banana => Yellow Banana. And Green Banana > Yellow Banana, and hence Green > Yellow. QED.

Sheldon's picture
Was it Ken Ham who made that

Was it Ken Ham who made that creationist video about bananas?

As always it was another religious apologist who might have done well to Google wild bananas vs cultivated banana. He might have recognised they were created, but by humans, not any deity.

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Account Inactive's picture
It was Ray Comfort I think...

It was Ray Comfort I think... Ken Ham may well have made one as well?

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