THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE WAS A MAGICAL BANANA

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Cognostic's picture
The BYB does not know

The BYB does not know anything about Teeny Weenies. They are a cation and curse of the Evil Avocado. Nothing smashes the BYB. it's just an attempt by the "well-respected" to gain power and control over the universe. They are under the influence of the Evil Avocado who put them there to test your faith.

Get off my lawn's picture
Sure you know about Teeny

Sure you know about Teeny Weenies. Just look at you own "banana".

Tin-Man's picture
Teeny Weenie Bikinis?.....

Teeny Weenie Bikinis?..... Polka Dots?.... Evil Avocados?... OH, MY!!!... *throwing head back*... *back of hand to forehead*... I feel faint.... *dramatically (and carefully) collapsing onto couch*... Oh dear oh dear... *fanning self with other hand*... This is too much for me. My world was once so simple. Just me and the glorious Blue Bunny (CBUH). Now I am being exposed to all of these other beliefs and science stuff that I have never heard of before. How can all those things possibly be true? Is my faith being tested? And if science has shown carrots really ARE bad for bunnies, then.... then... *sob*... then WHY does the Holy Book of Rabbits instruct us to make regular carrot offerings to our supremely adorable Blue Bunny (CBUH)??? Should I trust the scientists, or should I trust the Holy Book of Rabbits? I'm so confuuuuuuused!.... *weeping*... *tightly clutching stuffed blue bunny toy that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere*...

Cognostic's picture
@Tinman - Your bunnies all

@Tinman - Your bunnies all ate carrots and died. It's a fact. Get over it.

Cognostic's picture
Now there is a fallacy.

Now there is a fallacy. The TEENY WEENIE BANANA FALLACY. Pull your mind out of the gutter, I am trying to float by and you are blocking my way.

Get off my lawn's picture
There is no fallacy there

There is no fallacy there since it is the truth. You are just embarrassed about your teeny weenie banana that is too small to hold while you peel.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn: Ha!

@Get off my lawn: Ha! All bananas begin as teeny-weenies but when you live in the faith of the BYB - THEY GET BIGGER.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Cog and GOML

@ Cog and GOML

Agreed, you should see mine...it is HUGE!

there's even a song about it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFzT7ms5kwU

Have faith in the Banana!

Get off my lawn's picture
Bananas leads to foul

Bananas lead to foul language, hedonism, drug abuse, gunslinging, etc., with all its negative consequences. See the documentary here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXlZfc1TrD0

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn:

@Get off my lawn:

The bananas were the only sane people in the video. They did not shoot at pedestrians. They did not poison their parents. The bananas were just having fun. You are delusional and only seeing what you want to see.

Get off my lawn's picture
You're just a primitive

You're just a primitive banana apologist. The presence of bananas in all its forms (beanies, drug patches, costumes) through all the shit that happens is positive PROOF that bananas lead to evil.

Cognostic's picture
OH! Direct insult. I am

OH! Direct insult. I am reporting you to the Mods. You can't even stay on topic without an Ad Banananim Attack. The Great BYB has given people free will. What they do with the products they buy from his website are not his concern. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of the BYB.

Get off my lawn's picture
It's not an insult to call a

It's not an insult to call a primitive banana apologist a primitive banana apologist if the monkey in question is, in fact, a primitive banana apologist. In which case it's just merely stating facts. And it's quite revealing when the primitive banana apologist attacks facts in an attempt to draw the attention away from its own actions.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn"

@Get off my lawn" "PRIMITIVE? PRIMITIVE? YOU'RE PRIMITIVE." You are not even close to being yellow yet. Fleshy slimy slug sweat skin. Nothing like the shinny true nature of the banana. FACTS! No one is attacking facts. The mighty BYB embraces facts for he is at the very peak of evolution and exploration of the universe. Let the Big Yellow Banana guide you and everything is understandable. You can not have knowledge without the BYB. He is the one who gave you knowledge. He guide your thoughts. He only puts bullshit thoughts in your mind and forces you to express them to test my faith. HA! You will never sway me from the truth.

Get off my lawn's picture
"You can not have knowledge

"You can not have knowledge without the BYB. He is the one who gave you knowledge."

You claim the Big Yellow Banana is a he. Assuming everything came from the Big Yellow Banana, it cannot be a seedless type of banana. Thus, the Big Yellow Banana must have seeds, and would therefore be a FEMALE banana. She/her, not he/him. Thus, your banana gospel is filled with errors.

Cognostic's picture
I didn't claim anything. It

I didn't claim anything. It's self evident. It is a priori. Of course the BYB has seeds. It is from the seeds that all creation has come about. It does not follow that it is a female banana. Male and female are earthly characteristics. The BYB is Androgynous and the creator of all things. The Gospel of Chiquita has no errors. You will blend in the great banana blender for saying so. Blasphemy is the unforgivable sin.

Get off my lawn's picture
The Gospel of Chiquita is

The Gospel of Chiquita is nonsense. It is full of eaten, digested, and expelled banana. It is a cargo ship filled with horse-digested fodder. It is whatever is left in a waste container after dumpster divers have done their work. It is the mold growing on the mold of a piece of leftover food forgotten in the back of the fridge. In short, it is bollocks. The Epistles of Del Monte and Letters of Dole likewise.

Cognostic's picture
BLASPHEMY: Aren't you

BLASPHEMY: Aren't you afraid of the eternal blender. You will be on the day you must stand before the BYB. Remember he loves you and it is your choice to suffer the blender for all eternity by rejecting his holy Yellowness. All you need do is read the book of Chiquita to know its truth. Just open you heart and let the holy Yellowness in. The BYB gave you the book of Chiquita so that you might understand him better and follow his holy Yellowness. Digested and expelled banana is the fertilizer for the new generation of bananas. The shells are left behind and the holy Yellowness transcends to the holy banana grove in the sky. Your ignorance in this matter is profound and simply demonstrates you have obviously not read the Holy Book of Chiquita. Del Monte and Dole are false prophets that came along 500 years after the Great Book of Chiquita. They copied their dogma from the book of Chiquita. The only real Banana is the Big Yellow Banana, the first and only Eternal Banana, The Essence and Spirit of the only True Banana.

Get off my lawn's picture
I have had enough bananas

I have had enough bananas going through my digestive tract to know that your hypothesis is the likes of donkey droppings on a wet and humid day. I have sliced, diced, mashed, pulped, and squished enough bananas to see that there is not a shred holy-roly-polyness to them. They are pure carbohydrates and dietary fiber with some vitamins and minerals (plus some added novelty factor due to their physical shape and appearance). And no holy eternal ghostly deityiness. The fact that they can be eaten without the eater exploding because of a holy gas is sufficient proof.

Tin-Man's picture
@GOML Re: "...(plus some

@GOML Re: "...(plus some added novelty factor due to their physical shape and appearance)..."

For what it's worth, Blue Bunnies also have a "novelty factor". However, proper etiquette dictates we shouldn't discuss such matters in public.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn: "Donkey

@Get off my lawn: "Donkey droppings" = "False Analogy" The great book of Chiquita warns us that the mockers will insult the BYB in the end of times. You are only fulfilling prophecy. You are being used by the evil Avocado to do his evil work. Repent now and save your Yellowness. All bananas are holy and the BYB the most holy creator of the universe in all his yellowness. Yes, the BYB is pure in all thing. If the BYB does not exist, explain the miracle of yellow. The fact that they can be eaten at all is a testament to the holiness of the BYB who has sent to us the greatest form of sustenance known to human kind. The banana is directly responsible for human evolution, selective mutation and all this leading to our higher brain states so that we may understand the glory of the BYB and praise him with all our hearts and all our minds. We pity you who choose eternal damnation in the great blender of the afterlife. Woe unto you and the idiotic choices you make. You are choosing damnation.

Get off my lawn's picture
Nope. The analogy holds. The

Nope. The analogy holds. The hypotheses you bring forth are pure c**p, so "donkey droppings" hold. Proof: Donkey droppings are faeces. Bananas, when eaten, are turned into faeces. Therefore, the Big Yellow Banana turns into faeces when going through a human. Therefore, it is not almighty, and the insignificant leaflet of Chiquita promotes faeces (or bullcrap, if you insist) or something that will eventually turn into faeces. QED.

Cognostic's picture
Get off my lawn: If figures

Get off my lawn: If figures that someone preoccupied with keeping people off their lawn would also be overly concerned with donkey droppings. The only thing around here that is pure faeces IS YOUR SPELLING OF "FECES" OR "FACES" or whatever you are trying to push as intellectual commentary. And let me say this next bit very clearly. ( Ahemmm. I am really glad you made the speiling errors and not me." It juste dimonstrables that you have know idea abut what youis tlaking about.

Chiquita is the Book of the BYB. You will blend for your blasphemy.

Get off my lawn's picture
It's quite typical of

It's quite typical of bananabreadheads to wrongly accuse people of fine standing of commiting spelling errors ("faeces" is not a spelling error - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faeces - nor is colour) in order to draw the attention away from the inadequacy of their own provably erroneous beliefs.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn: "Colour"

@Get off my lawn: "Colour" Are you trying to spell C - O - L - O - R Color? You are obviously reading "False Dictionaries." At no point has the BYB sanctioned alternative spellings for the word "color." You have been influenced by the Evil Avocado. Heathens use heathen books to support their heathen ideas. All true knowledge comes from the book of Chiquita and the Big Yellow Banana.

"People of fine standing?" Ha! You can have no morality without the BYB. From where would your find standing arise. Only the evil would assert such a thing as "fine standing" without the objective evidence of that standing for all have sinned and fallen short of the banana tree. It is only through the mercy and forgiveness of the BYB that anyone can have any "STANDING" at all.

Get off my lawn's picture
No, C-O-L-O-U-R, which is the

No, C-O-L-O-U-R, which is the original spelling, not the simplified spelling for primitive bananananananaists that cannot remember words with more than 5 characters.

Cognostic's picture
@Get off my lawn

@Get off my lawn
Obviously you do not understand the word "Primitive."

PRIMITIVE: relating to, denoting, or preserving the character of an early stage in the evolutionary or historical development of something.

It is the "ORIGINAL SPELLING" that is primitive. The rest of the world has evolved and adopted more useful ways of communicating. We long ago left the linguistically challenged to wallow in the chirps and grunts of their "Original" efforts in attempting to use the English language.

rat spit's picture
“And the penises of certain

“And the penises of certain men were created in the image of the Big Yellow Banana OverLord. Among those well endowed; a blessing was sent upon them and their kin folk. So too, other penises were fastened in the image of various fruits and vegetables and tubers and legumes - but among those counted, best were the tribes of France - yea, their penises were certainly bent.”

Book of Chiquita, Chapter 9, verses 4 to 11

doG's picture
LOL

LOL

rat spit's picture
The reason we were all put

The reason we were all put here by the BYB is to reach banana nirvana. It must be true because it rhymes. Everyone knows you can’t lie and rhyme at the same time. There. See. I did it again. Must be true!

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