In europe , or USA .. how people think about serious relationships ... although i'm not religious but i can't accept cheating in relationships , simply it's not my nature to accept such a thing .. but what about people there is it normal , do people discribe it as a freedom . i come from middle east so it's a huge problem there .. and i still think it's not right at all ... in general how many people accept cheating in Europe or USA . also do girls in general have sex without being in love or in a real relationship ?
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Yes, casual sex (for men and women!) is common in the West. Cheating is generally considered bad, but it is common as well.
Personally with the "openness" (not sure if that is the right word here) here, I find cheating to be very weird. Back when I was single, if I was dating (and sleeping with) person A, and I discovered person B whom I liked more; I just ended my relationship with person A right away and jumped into bed with person B. I guess some people, no matter the situation, want to have their cake and eat it too. I've also be told it is the thrill of "getting away with it" that explains why some people cheat.
so if everyone has sex without being serious in the relationship , how can you trust your partner ? how can you accept that your girl sleeping with someone else ? is it normal for you ? don't you feel jealous and hellish about that . i mean not exactly you , people in general ... how you accept such a thing ?
Well it isn't everyone, but like I said it is common.
And jealousy is still a big deal here. When someone gets caught cheating it is a big deal; might be the end of the relationship, might even lead to violence.
Personally, when I found someone who had the attributes I desired (and trust was defiantly one of them) I married her.
So you say in general it's not acceptable there ... but let me ask you why are you don't get married ... is there a problem in marriage in west i mean legaly ? why girls do premarital sex ? why not to wait and find the right person for her and get married ? what's wrong about marriage there ?
I'm sorry I don't understand your question about marriage, so I can't answer; I realize there is probably a language barrier here, perhaps you could rephrase it?
Why do girls have premarital sex? Probably for the same reason boys do! Perhaps a better question is why is unwanted teen pregnancy common when there is easy access to birth control? I don't have an answer for that.
in east you can trust the girl when she denied to lose her virginity till marriage .. so you can trust her because she hasn't been in any casual sex relationship .. so she can control herself and not going to cheat on you . that's why everyone here get married .. but in the west .. i think being virgin till marriage isn't a big deal ! how can you trust your partner maybe she can't control herself . why don't people in the west simply get married and stop premarital sex ?
Jo, you talk about girls and virginity. Do you think the same is the case for boys? Please describe what the value of virginity is? Why is it associated with trust? What exactly is wrong with casual sex? If two consenting adults who do not have any contracts with others to be exclusive, have sex with each other, why is it a problem?
And sex is only one, of many, many facets of marriage. In fact, some people marry and never have sex with each other.
i talk about girls just because i'm a guy ... but i think the same about guys .. let me clearify something here , everyone loves sex and there are tons of pretty girls or guys .. if you do casual sex you going to love it , and keep doing it , trying to sleep with more and more girls coz it feels good ... then when you find the girl that you love , you won't be able to control yourself , you're going to cheat on her .. that going to hurt her a lot . .... but if you talking about having sex with only one person without marriage i can accept this if it's serious and ended up with marriage , marriage makes you responsible for your kids ... without marriage you can leave the woman taking the responsibilities of the kids alone . that's hard .
That is just ridiculous.
I just try to understand .. what is right and what is wrong when it comes to relationships in west ... can you help me , i know everyone is free but are there any manners that control it ?
While far from being universally accepted; the notion that maybe we should let consenting adults do what they want is common. I would endorse that view.
@Jo: "when it comes to relationships in west"
Judging from your posts, it sounds like there are also people in your part of the world, wherever that is, who are obsessed with promiscuous sex.
Where is this place you call "West"?
I'm asking if is it wrong or right in your opinion ... should us let our daughters having promiscuous sex .. should us raise our kids to be cool with sex in any form .. what the difference between bitch and the good woman . .. i'm an atheist but i only accept sex when the relation is serious and ended up with marriage . but it's not about me i want to know how the majority think about that in west ( i mean europe , usa )
@Jo: "what the difference between bitch and the good woman"
It's very similar to the difference between a hypocritical creep and a good man. I remember hearing a definition of a slut once. "A slut is a woman who'll sleep with anybody, but not with me." We call that a "double standard." Maybe it has something to do with the Christian cult of the virgin. You should stop asking about "daughters." It sounds like you think only women need to be virtiuous.
"should us raise our kids to be cool with sex in any form"
My wife and I raised our son and daughter never to treat other people as objects and to follow the Golden Rule. Treat other people as you'd want them to treat you. Jesus spoke about that, but he didn't invent it.
You said, "...without marriage you can leave the woman...".
People frequently leave even with marriage.
You said, "trying to sleep with more and more coz it feels good."
Not necessarily.
You said, "you're going to cheat on her" if you've have sex with others because "you won't be able to control yourself."
That's ridiculous!
"then when you find the girl that you love , you won't be able to control yourself , you're going to cheat on her .. that going to hurt her a lot."
Please don't speak for other people. That isn't the case for rational people and sex is not only one part of marraige or relationship. What are the other parts? Compatability comes to mind.. Love..oh and Trust! Trust is the biggest factor to me. Not just about sex, but about trusting someone to be responsible to have a child with. Or trusting. Them to make goodlife decisions as a whole. If you cannot be trusted, it breaks everything. If you can't trust based on loss of virginity, well I'm sorry but that is insecurity. Personally, I've had my fair share of partners and if she's not a virgin either that's ok because we trust each other. Also remember that, To be concerned with virginity, only reveals insecurities in the man. That's the man's problem.. not the womans. She's with the guy that's not insecure. I hope you grow out of that virginity is gold mindset.
What if your girlfriend cheat on you " sexually " just for sex ... is this breaks the trust ? Are you going to end the relationship ?
Of course it does. Look I don't want to assume anything, but it's clear that you feel that because we in the west have more sexual freedom.. that we're pre-disposed to cheating.
That is not true. It's not. Here's a Western love & sex 101: Sex can be intimate, Sex can be fun, or Sex can be both. Sex does not equal love. Love is much more significant. People who cheat are just not into their partners or just insecure. That's why we date. That's why we have a relationship before commiting to marraige. We bother to actually know each other inside and out. Figuratively and literally. Real relationships last a long time. It's not like American celebrities that date for a week and get married. If you really want to understand it, then you need to live here.
If we who have sexual freedom hold ourselves back and be scared of the bad possibility of our partner cheating, Then we would be just like you. Not saying that to offend you. I'm calling it what it is.
I think you are right .. but why are you getting married ! .. if you trust each other to make everything before , why are you getting married at the end ? it's wierd ... maybe if it's like that over there , you should not get married at all . what is the idea of marriage ?
Why marry? Because it is a civil contract that provides some significant financial benefits.
I can't believe that all you concern about is money !
To be honest I don't really see the point of marraige other than the legal benefits. Don't get me wrong, I'd still give it a shot whenever I meet someone who is worth it.
being married carries some financial costs as well , like wedding party and divorce .. you can't be sure 100 percent that your marriage not gonna end with divorce ... it costs a lot in that case rather than benefits .
It costs $77 to get married where I live.
That's a fair point. But even in an arranged marriage, there's no way to really be 100% Sure. If there was, I'm pretty sure everyone would do it lol
Speaking of "arranged marriages": I have a friend who is a member of very prominent family in a Muslim country. He dated all kinds of women but not publicly. When he found one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he had his father set up an "arranged marriage" with this woman's family. They even faked the blood on the wedding sheets. Apparently this is common practice where he lives...
Wait they had to fake the blood? As in somebody else checked their sheets?? Woww hahaha people are something else.. well hey I'd say that they played the game and won (so to speak) I'm glad to hear that there's a way to take control like that out there.
This is a bullshit sexist rant. "you can trust her" "she can control herself" "that's why everyone here gets married"
It is interesting that instead of repeatedly insisting that people remain virgins until they are married; you insist---over and over---specifically that women must do this. I tried to ignore it earlier, but I no longer feel I can.
/e beaten to the punch by CyberLN
I meant both .
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