A Top 5 List. Too good to pass up.

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Tin-Man's picture
A Top 5 List. Too good to pass up.

A bit of amusement for the evening. Stumbled upon this random video by sheer accident. A "True Christian" dude who has a list of five things Christians should stop saying. Got quite a few giggles and chuckles out of it, so figured I would share. Don't want to give too much away, but I will at least give you a hint at the five topics he addresses.

1. OMG!

2. "She's into superstition... black cats and voodoo dolls..." *tipping hat to Ricky Martin*... (Oh, pay special attention to the remark he makes around the 3:25 to 3:30-ish mark. Almost peed myself... lol...)

3. "You made me promises, promises..." (Thank you, Naked Eyes)

4. "What the *bleep*? You rotten piece of *bleep*!"

5. "He's gonna do what He wants, but -hey - go ahead and ask anyway."

Enjoy, folks! Looking forward to the comments... *grin*... (It's only about ten minutes, by the way.)


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algebe's picture
A quote from the hipster

A quote from the hipster preacher with the crucifix dog-tag:

"We don't rely on weird superstitious things...we need god's favor."


Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Algebe

@ Algebe

"We don't rely on weird superstitious things...we need god's favor."

That made me pee meself laughing...I had to rewind to make sure I wasn't hearing things...then change me trackie daks.

One thing worse than this crap video? The comments....

Mind this preacher has gorgeous eyes except for the complete lack of expression within them.

Whitefire13's picture
...god put it in his heart...

...god put it in his heart...

Look this is to help Christians like Homer to become “real” ...

I say oh my fucking god ...

Jinx?!?! Who the fuck says jinx anymore?!?

That fuckin’ “god provides” scripture (Gentiles provide for themselves) so don’t worry, “he knows” - well, he just watched as my incompetent parents who were JWs didn’t provide ...being poor and impoverished is a way of life for “true believers”

LOL Trust is “rare” ... coming from a guy asking you to Trust God’s Word

Fuckin’Christ what’s wrong with fuckin foul language you shit spewing dipshit?!?!?

“God loves everyone”

...Homer is in for a “big surprise”!

So deep (serious voice) “Life is a series of ups and downs”
You need god ...nah

You don’t tell “god almighty” what to do
... oh my fucking god almighty

Thanks Tin, jackass...but I’m the one that clicked and watched it in full.

Tin-Man's picture
@White Re: "Thanks Tin,

@White Re: "Thanks Tin, jackass...but I’m the one that clicked and watched it in full."

Always happy to spread sunshine and the Word of God whenever I can to help make somebody's day brighter.... *beaming smile*...

Tin-Man's picture
@Old Man

@Old Man

Oh, dang! I didn't think about looking at the comment section. Gonna have to go check out a few of them now... lol...

And, yeah, that whole, "True Christians are not superstitious," comment was a jaw-dropper.... LMAO....

Tin-Man's picture
ROFLMAO..... Oh, holy hell!..

ROFLMAO..... Oh, holy hell!.... *wiping tears from eyes*.... Just finished reading a few of the comments on that video. Most of them are funnier than the video itself. And even at this very moment, I am soooooooooo fighting the temptation to make a couple of comments of my own... *straining to fight the urge and maintain self-discipline*...

Tin-Man's picture
And I simply ADORE that Tom

And I simply ADORE that Tom "Maverick" Cruise-meets-George Michael t-shirt look he has going for him. Bringing back the 80's! YES!

Whitefire13's picture
God, Tim, that’s a bad habit,

God, Tim, that’s a bad habit, talkin’ to yourself ;)

Tin-Man's picture
@White Re: "that’s a bad

@White Re: "that’s a bad habit, talkin’ to yourself ;)"

Um, was White just now talking to me?... Nah, man, I think she was talking to you... Oh, okay. Just wanted to make sure you weren't just hearing things...

boomer47's picture
I'll add just two of my pet

I'll add just two of my pet language peeves. Don't care if the person is a chronic Christian, Calathumpian or rabid atheist . JUST FUCKING WELL STOP IT,MKAY?

"It's all good" especially when it fucking well isn't----If you ask an iIrish person how he or she ifs doing, if he/she is still capable of speech, the response will almost invariably be"'Oh,I'm grand" . "It's all good" is similar but without the Gaelic charm.

The redundant adverb; SUPER , to fucking everything , when the person means "very"

Persons from about age 12 to late teens are exempt. They are doing their utmost not to sound like the olds, and who can blame them?

Yes I'm aware English is a living language. That doesn't mean I have to like it. (dodders off, mumbling to self)


When I was a gossoon of about 11, our teaching brother, with a straight a face, (I swear had he smiled his face would have fallen off) told the class---

---That we MUST NOT SAY:

'Gosh' because it really means God

'Golly' because it really means God

'Gee' because it really means; Jesus

And my fav ,'Gee Whizz,' because it really means JESUS!

Of course none of us knew all that before he told us. So the extreme religious nutcase crunt gave us all three more sins for confession, which I think might have been the point. I think many of us seemed far too happy for his liking. He must have been in his early 20's. I'm happy to be able to report that he had a nervous breakdown about a year or so later and had the leave the order. Generations of boys were spared some of the more inane drivel of our Catholic education. (if you'll forgive the expression)

Some us naturally started saying "Gee golly gosh" because we thought it was worse than 'fuck' and we wouldn't get into trouble, except around Brother Basilian, (really )

My favourite brother was called Athanasius, he rarely hit anyone. That was before I found out that Athanasius of Alexandria was almost single handedly responsible for the present Christian canon . It all turned out though because brother Athanasius ran off with the librarian.

Tin-Man's picture


Hey, no worries, mate. It's all good..... *quickly running out into hallway while laughing maniacally*.....

boomer47's picture



Hey, no worries, mate. It's all good..... *quickly running out into hallway while laughing maniacally*.....

You know what you are Sirrah?

You are a dastard, that's what you are.

I shall now go and water my aspidistra

Whitefire13's picture
I was told the same!

I was told the same!
Oh golly gee whizz!!!!

I laugh now when fundies use these expressions- it’s, like, grow up - you are suppose to be an adult!

Tin-Man's picture
@White Re: "I laugh now when

@White Re: "I laugh now when fundies use these expressions- it’s, like, grow up - you are suppose to be an adult!"

I have a VERY Christian cousin who regularly uses the expression, "Oh, my Gah!" Like nails across a chalkboard, makes me cringe every single time she says it. I suppose most Christians tend to forget their god knows what they are really THINKING.... *shaking head in wonderment*...

Although, in all fairness, I didn't start cussing until I was in my mid-twenties after I had been on the streets with the PD for a couple of years. Until then I always used all the "substitute obscenities" so as to appear more "Christian-like". Funniest thing ever when I finally started using "foul language", though. Ever hear a grown man learning how to cuss? Hilarious, to say the least... LOL....

Whitefire13's picture
Uhhh, for me, swearing was

Uhhh, for me, swearing was natural ... first time I used “fuck” - I was 9, in gym, playing soccer. Someone up and kicked the ball strait into my head. “FUCK!” Came rolling off my tongue as naturally as “mom”.

I was told to sit on the bench (still don’t know if it was because I was injured...)

boomer47's picture


"I laugh now when fundies use these expressions- it’s, like, grow up - you are suppose to be an adult!"

Guess I shouldn't be surprised.

There have been some doozies of proddies over the centuries. Start with Martin Luther ,who was yet another brilliant mind stunted by religion*** Then there were the Puritans led by Oliver Cromwell, who decimated Ireland.. He had a wonderful contemporary .All I know is his name which given the time and place seems to be a mini biography; "Praisegod Barebones" --

-Then of course there were those fun lovers who founded America. Also puritans of course, they were NOT fleeing religious persecution. , England was simply far too liberal and sinful for them. So they founded their own country, where everyone had to do what they said. That in turn led to that colourful series of events in American history known as the Salem Witch Trails. (concurrent with the Salem witch hangings)

** Luther actually had some genuine gripes against blatant church corruption of the time.Sadly, after 1500 years church corruption was structural ,so Luther's reforms changed very little in the long term.

Whitefire13's picture
Jesus fuckin’Christ the

Jesus fuckin’Christ the YouTube bot thinks I want to watch Christian videos now!

Tin-Man's picture
@White Re: "Jesus fuckin

@White Re: "Jesus fuckin’Christ the YouTube bot thinks I want to watch Christian videos now!"

....*evil snicker*.... Hah! My diabolical plan WORKED!.... Bwaaaaa-haaaa-haaaa!..... *horns sprouting from top of head*....

Tin-Man's picture
As a kid, "shucks" was a

As a kid, "shucks" was a popular exclamation used around the neighborhood. But if certain parents heard you say it you got admonished for it. Supposedly it was a substitute for "shit". Well, I suppose it could have also been used as a substitute for "fuck", but I had no real knowledge of that word at the time.

boomer47's picture
@Tin Man

@Tin Man

"Well, I suppose it could have also been used as a substitute for "fuck", but I had no real knowledge of that word at the time."

Trivia: Neither the german derivative 'fuck' (from the non swear word 'ficken', to strike) or the very old non swear word 'cunt' were considered coarse language until the twentieth century . In the nineteenth century words considered coarse were more likely to relate blasphemy , ; Eg :damn"and 'god damn' ---That also explains why Rhett Butler's famous last line in 'Gone With The Wind', "Frankly my dear, I don't giveadamn" was considered so shocking in 1939.

Whitefire13's picture
OMG - you just reminded me!!!

OMG - you just reminded me!!! First time I used “fuck” (story I was told). The other story is true, because I remember it, this one I was told...

My dad to (learning to talk Whitefire), say “daddy truck” ...
Me “daddy fuck” (awww, I sound so cute)
Repeat game, take Whitey to meeting (church for all you worldly people)

Little Whitefire, during prayer, stands on chair, proud of her newly acquired sentence taught to her!

“My daddy fuck” LOUDLY

Grinseed's picture
The very fashionable groomed

The very fashionable groomed preacher Daniel who "loves people but loves God more" seems to love beards more than he loves God.

Leviticus 19:27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.
It was all the fashion amongst heathens at the time and God didn't like it. (it still is the fashion amongst some heathens I know)

Here are the instructions God passed on to Moses to pass onto Aaron to pass on to his Levite priests who our manscaped preacher seems keen to emulate through his flashy vid sermons:

Leviticus 21:6 ..neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard...

The question remains, is he a Wahl or Braun heretic?

Cognostic's picture
@Tin: Why not begin noticing

@Tin: Why not begin noticing things Christians should not say with the idiot who "God put in his heart." God is a fucking idiot. Brains are for thinking.

"I love people but I love god more.?" FUCKING ASSHOLE! And we have not even got to the video yet.

"I need to preach what He wants me to preach." Fucktard thinks he is talking to God. (If I seek to please men, I will not be a bond servant of Christ.) One stupid fucktard comment after another and still the video has not started.

OMG - How in the fuck is OMG worse that the shit he said above? "God" is not his name. Wasn't his name Yahwehiwitz or something like that?

"We are in the world but not a part of the world. " More fucktard bullshit Christians probably shouldn't say. After all "The sinful world is doomed!" Fuck this asshole.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha "We don't rely on weird superstitious things!" Definitely something a Christian should not say.

Okay... I am bored out of my mind and this guy can not utter a single fucking sentence that Christians should probably not say. I'll watch the rest some other time.

dogalmighty's picture
God takes care of everyone's

God takes care of everyone's needs...sometimes he will say "yes", sometimes he will say "no"...and sometimes he will say, "just wait a little bit for the right time."

Other than the fact that this ideology covers completely every random event ever, and attributes it to a god...LOL...but it's the fact that he put quotations on the key words like god said them...ROTFLMAO.

Tin-Man's picture
Was showing the video to my

Was showing the video to my wife this morning and noticed something I missed the first time around.

Throughout the video, our gorgeously man-scaped preacher hunk uses video snippets from popular tv sit-coms to demonstrate how ungodly the world can be. (I think I recognized "Friends" and "How I Met Your Mother" in the mix.) And that begs the question, "How does such a godly True Christian know anything about these sinful television shows?" If True Christians are not suppose to be "of the world", then why has our meticulously groomed holy-warrior-for-god been watching such blasphemous and worldly programs? Hmmmm.... Could he possibly be trying to lead his congregation astray in a subversive manner by subtley slipping those video clips into his god-inspired sermon?

Whitefire13's picture
Tim - he paid a worldly

Tim - he paid a worldly person to do it! God provides!

Tin-Man's picture
Wonder what our immaculately

Wonder what our immaculately manicured minister's bible and god have to say about vanity, pride, and being judgemental? Hmmmm....

Tin-Man's picture
@Cyber or Nyar

@Cyber or Nyar

I flubbed by putting this thread in the Atheist Hub. Any chance one of you could transfer it over to the Debate Room?

Nyarlathotep's picture
Thread moved.

Thread moved.

Grinseed's picture
Sometimes I like to dig a

Sometimes I like to dig a little deeper into subjects that come up in discussion in these forums. I did so with preacher Dan, the one who loves God more than people. Amazing what gets revealed. From what I gather, as well as being a non-denominational Christian preacher evangelising his personal choice of god, he is also an international fashion model and lifestyle guru with his own Amazon and Shopstyle linked website promoting his personal choice of merchandise in a full range of fashion and grooming accessories including quite a lot of treatments for hair loss. All of this would account for that grating Zoolander presence when he preaches.

He admits he has actually studied for a Degree in Psychology and also studied for an Honors Degree in Theology, but is just so darn modest doesn't reveal which university it was he visited. I once actually studied for an airline pilot's licence, but I'm still not allowed to operate an aeroplane...maybe I should adopt Yossarian's flight kit, the confident drawl of Chuck Yeager and cover my hereditary baldness with a toupee.

And finally he just doesn't want "other people to struggle through all the vast information and hassles out there to get to the truth", and why would you bother, when with personal opinion, and bible interpretations, unevidenced assumptions, and devilish good looks he has already done all that for you. It seems to be all about looking good for god.

Its still not safe out there. Take care.


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