Hello,
I am an atheist with a 3 year old son living in my parents house, my wife is christian and my mother is christian and my father is christian, my 6 year old stepson is christian. I saw a video on youtube on parenting beyond belief with Dale Mcgowan and its not teaching about religion that is harmful in as much as how you teach religion. When my mother says to my 3 year old Jesus is God in a factual way- without telling the 3 year old that: Jesus is God is her personal opinion- then that is abuse. My 6 year old stepson and my mother like to say a blessing to my 3 year old son like :God Bless you- without saying saying that those words are an expression of their personal opinion-is that abuse?
Thank you
Confused in Parenting
Jorge
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@francisco
None of what you have described is abuse. Not even close.
If you have a problem with their actions, you really need to sit down with them and discuss it. Let them know how you feel and ask them to change their approach.
I'll reiterate my first statement, though: None of what you have described is abuse. Not even close.
I agree with Terraphon, to call it such devalues actual abuse in my opinion.
Perhaps discuss with said individuals your opinion and feelings on the matter and perhaps draw up some boundaries.
Many Christians grow to be functional human beings and the delusion does not keep them from successful lives. My GF of 5 years has two daughters. My GF has grown to see the Church as a business that steals money from poor people. She lives in a outlying province of Batangas. The girls who are now 10 and 12 have grown up with me as mom's non-believing boyfriend. I have always referred to Jesus as "Magical Jesus" and God as the "Invisible Sky Daddy," They actually make a game of asking me Jesus questions these days.
From day one, I lightheartedly teased them when they did religious things. I called Jesus "Santa Claus for adults." When they go to Church I always say, "Tell the magic people hello from me." Of course there is fear of ghosts and spirits to contend with. Like any kid I just tell them that there is no such thing. Satan was invented by Christians to Scare Children, The evil Satan is not in the Old Testament. Christians just made it up.
So one day they were talking to me about how loving Jesus was. I asked, if he is loving, why are so many children on the streets without mothers or fathers? Why are there beggars sleeping in doorways? They came back with the ever so Christian retort. "They are being tested by God." "Then God is a monster" I said. What if your mother put you on the street to test you? What kind of love is that? (I should mention that I am also good at pulling horrible bible verses out of the bible - "Christian children can be taken to the edge of town and stoned to death." "You have to hate your family to follow Jesus." etc....) They learn the same apologetics in Church and religious school that the idiots use on this site.
And when they hear my replies, I hear them repeating them to friends and family.
Now admittedly these kids are older than yours. They can handle a comment like the one above. But they have been well conditioned to my opinions through years of simply treating the Jesus thing like any other fantasy a child would have.
What's the result. After 5 years, the mother just gets along religiously and has a kind of deist view of God. The older girl is a bit of a believer but still asks questions and is interested in reading more about Christianity. The young one is an Atheist, outspoken at times, but plays along to get along. She really thinks Jesus is Santa for adults.
SUMMATION: Just be yourself and be honest. Treat religion like the fantasy it is. Your son will learn that there are many views on the subject. Answer questions as he begins to explore. Just be a dad. That is hard enough. Childhood is a time of growing and learning. If he wants to try out Christianity, be supportive of the fantasy. "Have fun in Church and say "HI" to the magic people."
In my opinion, it is abuse to teach anyone the falsehoods of religion without also providing the other side of the coin, so to say. Me wife and I allowed our daughters to decide for themselves as to what they wished to believe. I ALWAYS completely believe and honor my Fourth Commandment of Humanity: “You shall respect the right of ALL persons to believe whatsoever they wish to believe; even if contradictory to your beliefs. You may discuss beliefs; however, forcing your beliefs onto others is condemnable.”
In other words, every person has the right to believe what they wish to believe, but the beliefs themselves have no rights. In my honest and most humble opinion, religion itself is Pure Evil. To brainwash people into believing something that CANNOT be substantiated with any evidence, is Pure Evil. Religion has no place in a civilized society.
You, my friend, are truly stuck between a boulder and a cliff wall with the boulder still trying to go downhill. Ooof!.
A Christian wife? If you do not wish to answer, I completely understand for that is your right, but, how did the two of you end up married?
I was raised in an area where the theists were dominant by at least 95% of the population, if not 99.9999%. Since I was always an atheist as far back as I can remember (before Kennedy was assassinated), I just never looked for having a relationship with any woman once I was old enough to recognize the pleasures of women. I was more a good friend to all my female acquaintances due to the fact that ALL seemed to be Christian, specifically Baptist Bible Belters. And they were so die-hard in their beliefs, no amount of evidence could sway them.
I met my wife when I was on leave from the Navy. I had just gotten into my car when it jerked. The rear end of a pick up truck was on the front of my car's hood. Until this time, I always thought the adage "Love at first sight" was nothing more than a huge pile of horse hoowhee. Then I saw her. Instantly fell in love. She was my SoulMate. Took a couple of dates but she fell in love also. We were both atheists and felt we would never find a kindred spirit.
Later, we even allowed our daughters to go to church with their friends. We even took them a few times. We felt it was their right to investigate all beliefs and knowledge and learning and to make the decision for themselves. Fortunately, our daughters were even more intelligent than either me wife or I. They figured out that religion was complete bollocks at an even younger age than I did.
Ultimately, the best you can do is answer your son's questions as he grows up. Do not try to force your lack of religious beliefs. Instead, let him decide for himself. However, seemingly being the only atheist in your family is going to be rough. My mother was a Religious Absolutist and me dad was an indifferent atheist. However, they did get married with the agreement that all family traditions would be honored on both sides. Thus, when I turned 13, the Age of Minority in my father's traditions, I finally had the right to decide whether I wanted to continue going to church. Never again did I go to church until I had me daughters.
In summation, I want to offer an heart-felt welcome to our Sanity Asylum. If all you ever want to do is just to rant and rave about your situation, then you are most welcome to do so here. I for one shall support you in way I possibly can. Hang in there Dude.
rmfr
@Francisco
The religion argument is so weak under even basic examination, all your child needs is someone to give another opinion to compare the shoddy religious argument as they grow up.
While I do not have kids of my own, I have been involved in friends and family kids. I do not know how much influence I personally have done with my limited contact, I have noticed as these kids gotten older, they have taken a more secular view, they may go along to get along with their parents, but like many younger kids today, the kids in my extended family and circle of friends remain mostly secular in all but name even if their parents were more devout.
Introducing the seed of the idea that religion is made up at an early age, I find a decent (mostly secular school) will take care of the rest.
As soon as someone (which is very possible at a young age,) just stop assuming (or better yet, never started) that: the god concept is "real" and then building an argument to defend that idea, the easier it is for obvious and abundant evidence god is a human made up idea the easier it is. But if someone grows up their entire lives being brainwashed into a particular religious idea with no additional input, by the time they hit their 30's or so, they are highly unlikely to change their minds no matter how much real evidence and simple logic, reasoning etc you throw at them.
Your child and adoptive child are still learning about the world, you do not have to stop all "religious influence" you just need to present to them the alternative, an alternative (secular) that is so compelling it will likely "take care of it self."
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