Christian missionary has been killed .....

263 posts / 0 new
Last post
Rohan M.'s picture
@JackThey said they just need


They said they just need to find some meat! 

(sarcasm)MEAT IS MURDER, YOU EVIL ANIMAL-KILLING CARNIST! Stop saying meeean things to me on the Internet!(/sarcasm) *THUNK*

Cognostic's picture
"I shouldda toined right at

"I shouldda toined right at albaquerky" THUNK THUNK THUNK (What's up doc?)

Cognostic's picture
"Where's the Beef?" Thunk

"Where's the Beef?" Thunk Thunk Thunk!

Rohan M.'s picture
If all u littel heathen

If all u littel heathen hoomans kunvurt 2 wurshipping us kittehs az ur lordz and saviorz, ten all u can haz cheezbu- WEEOW! *THUNK*

DISCLAIMER: No actual animals were harmed in the making of this comment.

Cognostic's picture
*Guitar strumming a country

*Guitar strumming a country lick on the portable radio.* "Mamma's don't let yer babies grow up..." THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

Cognostic's picture
Every Time this post pops up,

Every Time this post pops up, I think to myself, "Fuck Again?" Then I realize it is the original post I made back when THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! was too stupid to THINK! THINK! THINK!

Cognostic's picture
And they say if you are in a

And they say if you are in a small canoe just off the coast of the island on a moonless night, you can still hear THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! echoing off the nearby cliffs.

Account Inactive's picture
When I was asked if I would

When I was asked if I would like to do the missionary position, this wasn't what I had in mind.

Rohan M.'s picture
LMAO very funny. I got that

LMAO very funny. I got that jo-*THUNK* Oh shit here comes that dreaded Norma...

"How CRASS! If a good, pure godl- er, I mean, ungodly 15 year-old like you is going to laugh at adult humor, then I'm LEAVING!" *slams door with a loud THUNK*

Up To My Neck's picture
Hey heathens, after a few

Hey heathens, after a few hours of prayer, I am going to give you some lessons on archery. Oh, you already have bow and arrows, THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK

Account Inactive's picture
I'm definitely holier than

I'm definitely holier than thou.

Rohan M.'s picture
@Workingclasshero Avast,

@Workingclasshero Avast, matey! Ye just be breaking the First Condiment of yon One True Spaghetti Monster:

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Discussing My Noodly Greatness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me Then That's Okay. No Really, I'm Not That Vain. And Besides, This Isn't About Them, So Don't Change The Subject.

Ye be having the stale beer volcanoes in Hell-*THUNK*

Up To My Neck's picture
I have brought several cans

I have brought several cans of Spam! THUNK THUNK THUNK

Cognostic's picture
LOL - Spam! Spam! Spam! Soam

LOL - Spam! Spam! Spam! Soam? Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

Cognostic's picture


"Hey, what are you guys going to do with those pointy sticks?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Hey, why is everyone running?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Hey, you guys want a ride in my kayak?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Anyone want a coconut?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Are those real bows and arrows?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Hi! What's your name?" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

Cognostic's picture


"You guys aren't funny! You're just crass." Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Put some clothes on, you're indecent! " Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Stop acting like savages!" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"If you are going to act that way, I'm leaving!" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

Cognostic's picture


"Howdy everyone" - TINK! TINK! TINK! "Stop that, it tickles!"

"Hey, Give that back, it's not a cooking pot!" TINK! TINK! TINK!

TINK! TINK! TINK! "For fuck sake! You are going to dent the armor! TINK! TINK! TINK! "Knock it off!"

TINK! TINK! TINK! "I'm just going to sit here until you are done." TINK! TINK! TINK!

"Dammit! Bring back my leg!" TINK! TINK! TINK!

"Honey! The mean natives took my leg and they won't give it back." TINK! TINK! TINK! "Just wait till my wife gets here!"

TINK! TINK! TINK! "Cut it out. No! No! No! I mean leave it alone." TINK! TINK! TINK!

"God dammit! There goes another body part. HONNNNEEEEEEE!." TINK! TINK! TINK!

"Can I borrow a cup of coconut oil? This salt water is killing me. TINK! TINK! TINK! "I told you to stop that!"

Up To My Neck's picture


Hey, you guys got any bananas? THUNK THUNK THUNK
You guys got anywhere to sit my typewriter? THUNK THUNK THUNK
You guys ever seen a chimp sling shit? THUNK THUNK THUNK
Hey fellas, here comes that missionary! Get the bow and arrows ready for THUNK THUNK THUNK!

Cognostic's picture
@What if it was Pirate Jack!

@What if it was Pirate Jack!

"Ahoy me mate....s..." Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Avast ye land lubbes -- "Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Shiever me ---" "Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "fucking timbers."

Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "Ha haaaaa! That be me wooden leg." Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

"Ahoy" Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "Arrrr."

"I be here to rob and plunder, drop them blades!" "Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "Blow meee doooown."

"Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "You scurvy dogggs"

"Ha haaaa! Dead men tell no tales," "Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "Curses hornswaggled again.

Tin-Man's picture
To add to Cog's arrival on

To add to Cog's arrival on the island...

"Wow! You guys look like you are starving.... Wait... Why are you looking at me like th-"...THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!...

...*approaching group with hand outstretched*... "Hey! Who wants to smell my finger?"... THUNK-THUNK-THUNK-THUNKITY-THUNK-THUNK-THUNK............ THUNK...

"So, which one of you wants to be the lucky guy to pick critters out of my fur toda-"... THUNK!....

...*approaching group while wiping ass with a handful of leaves*... "Phew! Lord have mercy!"... *motioning back toward beach*... "Hey, guys, you might want to avoid that section of beach for a few days."... THUNK... THUNK... THUNK... THUNK... THUNK....

...*dragging kayak onto beach*... *turning toward the gathering group*... *holding large wad of money high above his head*... "Howdy, fellas! Where's the nearest titty bar? Drinks are on m-"... THUNK-THUNK-THUNK-THUNK...

Tin-Man's picture
One more for Cog...

One more for Cog...

...*sitting on beach next to kayak*... *looking over supply list*.... "Hmmm... Let's seeee... Bananas.... Check... Cordless drill... Check.... Safety goggles... Check... Albino gerbils... Yep, got 'em... Ummm... Flex cuffs... Check... Mardi Gras mask...." ... *digging through box*... "Oh, there it is... Okay... Uh, large funnel... Got it... One dozen live goldfish..." ... *holding up clear plastic bag filled with water and fish*.... "Aw, they're so cute.... So, banana flavored lube.... Oh, yes... Aaaaand riding crop... Check! Okay. That's everything."... *standing up*... *briskly rubbing hands together*... *turning toward gathering natives*... *huge smile on face*... "Alrighty then! Who wants to be first?"... THUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNK...... THUNK ......................................THUNK...

Cognostic's picture
@TIN MAN: You been looking

@TIN MAN: You been looking at my family album???

Account Inactive's picture
"Oh my God... Cover those up,

"Oh my God... Cover those up, haven't you people heard of underpants."

Cognostic's picture
What if it was RatSpit that

What if it was RatSpit that landed on the island?
*chirp chirp, tweet tweet, oo-oo-ee-ee-aa-aa, palmtree sways in the breeze...."
*Kayak catches the tide and floats out to sea as the sun sets.*

Randomhero1982's picture
"Hello Facebook live follower

"Hello Facebook live followers, I've safely made it ashore and have just played the natives a video on another phone of our hero, Donald Trump!!!"


Rohan M.'s picture
And now Ben Shapiro is going

And now Ben Shapiro is going to DEXTRUY [insert liberal bogeyman here] with FAKTZ and LOOJIK! *THUNK*

Rohan M.'s picture
What if it was SFT (Searching

What if it was SFT (Searching For (sic) Truth) who landed on the island, and was preaching Islam? Any suggestions, guys?

Cognostic's picture


Nyarlathotep's picture
More like "1. Whatever begins

More like "1. Whatever begins to exist has a cause of its beginning...2. The universe began to ..."; THUNK THUNK THUNK.

Rohan M.'s picture
@Nyar True. His apologetics

@Nyar True. His apologetics are very similar to that used for the Christian version of ID.


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