Christian missionary has been killed .....

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Rohan M.'s picture
@Terraphon "Sorry, this is a

@Terraphon "Sorry, this is a Christian server; no swearing."

Cognostic's picture
Terraphon: Your version of

Terraphon: Your version of the incident is upside down.

Cognostic's picture
WOW! A Kodak mom... *THUNK

WOW! A Kodak mom... *THUNK THUNK THUNK!...

Cognostic's picture
A huge bag of coconuts in

A huge bag of coconuts in purchased in a market in India, $15
Purchasing a canoe for yourself and the coconuts, $75
Bribing a fisherman to tow your canoe and coconuts to a forbidden island, $100
Attempting to recover your dead and buried body from a sandy beach, $5000
There are just some things money can not buy -
For everything else ...... THERE'S MASTERCARD!

Tin-Man's picture
...*wearing headphones while

...*wearing headphones while walking down the beach and singing out loud along with this song*....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYEgYVyBDuM

Tin-Man's picture
"Excuse me, gentlemen, but

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but which one of you is the tourist gui-"... THUNK!..... THUNKITY-THUNK-THUNK-THUNK!...

Cognostic's picture
Ahhh. Now it's Miller ti....

Ahhh. Now it's Miller ti.... THUNK THUNK THUNK!

Cognostic's picture
*THUNK! *THUNK! "LOOK MA!

*THUNK! *THUNK! "LOOK MA! Jesus had holes in his hands and so do I" *THUNK THUNK THUNK!

Cognostic's picture
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK

*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK THUNK! "WO! That was close!" *THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK!3

Cognostic's picture
*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK

"What would you do for a Klondike bar? What would you do for a Klondike....THUNK THUNK THUNK.....

Cognostic's picture
At first I was afraid, I was

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along ....... *THUNK THUNK THUNK....

Pirate Jack's picture
Jesus loves me yes I know for

Jesus loves me yes I know for the Bible tells me so.. thunk.thunk.thunk

Pirate Jack's picture
Hey! Is there anyone here who

Hey! Is there anyone here who can give me a little head? THUNK THUNK THUNK... no I mean a shrunken head! THUNK THUNKTHUNK...

Randomhero1982's picture
"The love of the Lord is like

"The love of the Lord is like an arrow, it penetrates... it goes straight into your hea..... grfffhhhh nyahhhh errrhggg"

Cognostic's picture
"There was a man who had a

"There was a man who had a dog and BINGO was his name-OH. B, I, THUNK THUNK THUNK.

Randomhero1982's picture
"I want you to put your hands

"I want you to put your hands together and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applause for Jackson Heights' own Mr Randy Watson! Yes! Randy Watson!!!"

THUNK THUNK THUNK

Cognostic's picture
(*slowly the music begins)

(*slowly the music begins) Dump - dump, Dump -dump (*speeding up) Dump - dump Dump-dump Dump-dump. (*Looking over the side of the boat.) "Shark?" THUMP THUMP THUMP/

Cognostic's picture
Confucian say, "Man with

Confucian say, "Man with coconuts in canoe get stuck in sand." THUNK THUNK THUNK.

Randomhero1982's picture
"So chaps, theres this guy

"So chaps, theres this guy called God who created everything... including you, me, the earth and the stars"

*bowstrings begin to strench*

"But, but, he loves you and if you pray to him and serve him he will give you a place in heaven!!!"

*bowstrings stretched to full tension*

"AND, AND, AND... HE MADE A GIRL PREGNANT WITHOUT HAVING A BLOKE BLOW A LOAD INSIDE OF HER!!!!"

*THUNK*

"WAIT, WAIT!!!!!!! The baby was him, but his son... and he came down to forgive us for our sins and then sacrificed himself for our sins......"

*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK,
THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK,
THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK,*

Cognostic's picture
What do you call a Christian

What do you call a Christian evangelist lying on a beach. Crab Chau.

David Killens's picture
THUNK for the bump

THUNK

for the bump

Tin-Man's picture
Let's seeeee... Consulting my

Let's seeeee... Consulting my ACME Missionary Guide For Dummies... Ummmm...
1. Learn of isolated group of godless heathens who prefer to be left alone in secluded location.

Check.

2. Locate remote and isolated location.

Check.

3. Acquire means of reaching said location.

Check.

4. Invade the homeland of isolated godless heathens despite multiple strict warnings from local and international authorities.

Check. (Okay, so far so good.)

5. Make contact with indigenous godless heathens and start spreading the wonderful Word of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who will be by your side to protect you.

Excellent! Now, if I can just find somebody to escort me to the village chief... *looking toward tree line*... Oh, there's a friendly looking chap!... *waving enthusiastically*... Yoo-hooo! Over here! I bring to you the Word of God! Which way to your vil-... *THUNK!*... *THUNK-THUNK-THUNK-THUNK!*...

Randomhero1982's picture
"I'll take befriending and

"I'll take befriending and indoctrinating uncivilized peoples, please Jim!"

*THUNK, THUNK, THUNK*

“Oh dear, Unlucky Son, Now let's have a look at what you could have won.”

Attachments

Attach Image/Video?: 

Yes
Pirate Jack's picture
Let’s start with a few quotes

Let’s start with a few quotes from the Bible. Hey, what’s that? I’m getting ready to teach you how to be saved! Put that down! THUNk THUNK... put down the god damned bow and arrows!!! THUNK THUNK THUNK

Cognostic's picture
Oh look! A sea-she.........

Oh look! A sea-she...........Thunk Thunk Thunk...

Pirate Jack's picture
God has sent me here to save

God has sent me here to save you godless heathens! He will stand beside me as I save you from the fires of hell! Wait a fucking minute! Why are y’all cutting up carrots and potatoes in that huge pot while I’m witnessing to you! Did you hear? Jesus is here with me! OH FUCK!!! THUNK THUNK THUNK .... Where are you Jesus? THUNK THUNK THUNK!!!

Fallen's picture
“Father, forgive them, for

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing...except regarding archery; they are pretty proficient at tha...thunk!”

“Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God. He is looking angry and holding a spear...WTF...thunk”

Rohan M.'s picture
"I see Heaven... but wait...

"I see Heaven... but wait... is that... the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Uh oh..." *Gets teleported to a place with a stale beer-volcano and a factory that makes prostitutes who all have STDs* "NOOOOOOOO!

Cognostic's picture
"One day I dreamed I was

FOOTPRINTS 2 / 2019 / THE TRUTH

"One day I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. (Just NOT THOSE FOOTPRINTS!) THUNK!

Sometimes there was one set of footprints. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. (*But this is fucking insane!) THUNK THUNK THUNK.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life when I was suffering from anguish or defeat, (*LIKE NOW!!!) THUNK! I could see only one set of footprints. THUNK!

So I said to the Lord, "You promised me that if I followed you, you would walk with me always." THUNK!

He called back from where he stood on the water next to the boat "NOT ON THAT BEACH I DIDN'T!" And then he waved, turned, and walked away. THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

Cognostic's picture
"Yea though I walk through

"Yea though I walk through the valley of OH FUCK! SPEARS..." THUNK THUNK THUNK.

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